If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Back Up Offers

Hello again and welcome to Sunday salutations.  Thought I was gonna forget ya?  I almost did.  Sorry.  feeling a bit sub par.  As Bruce puts it I have the 5th season which is Flu.  I haven't been sick in like two years so I probably deserve it just for being a healthy prick! 
Well previous post on house has already fell through.  They have a primary and a secondary offer.  Well fuck you very much I will not be a third.  We all know three's a crowd.  Besides I was hesitant about the lame dick house in a subdivision anyways.  I had a momentary lapse of good judgement in my chronic state of the 5th season. 
Sometimes I wonder if my realtor is just fucking with me.  Is it really possible that everything I look at either has an offer,  is already sold,  is unobtainable due to flood insurance or does not qualify under FHA guidelines?
Or perhaps I am just destined to buy the one house I wanted from the very beginning even though it has obtrusive amounts of spring water pouring into the basement which causes the sump pump to run 24 hours a day.  Perhaps destiny and fate (ill as it is) were meant to marry and provide me with the one house that would qualify for its own show on the dreaded DIY television series.  Ironically here's the catch.  I offered them 55K months ago when the original listing was at 70k.  They (HUD) declined my offer and the house continued to sit on the market.  Guess what the list price is now?  No not 55 but close 61K is the new magic number.  I bet they would take my 55 now. 
Crazy, crazy, crazy is the business of house hunting.
Have you seen the show Property Virgins with that obnoxious brunette who thinks she knows everything about real estate ( she might but lets not be crass)  That is like shooting fish in a bucket.  Not to mention extremely unrealistic.  Two love birds set out to buy their FIRST house.  They have 120k available for a down payment and are qualified for 565K mortgage.  WTF  oh boy I'm hooked now.  Honey come watch this- these people have the same criteria as us.  NOT.  And why the fuck are they always gay.  Do you have to be a homo to qualify for this show or does that just get you extra points. 
My point is that they really need to get down to a normal perspective of life.  Where people don't have shit saved because gas is $3.50 a f-n gallon.  Feeding a family of 4 costs $150 a week in groceries, sports for the kids costs a fortune and when you buy a six pack of beer your expected to make it last for two sessions.  Hello is anyone out there listening?   That is interesting because people can relate and it gives them hope.  All we need is hope to keep us going.  Something to look forward to.  Yeah I know it's my own fault I could have went to college and became rich and smart or rich and dumb but regardless someone has to do my job and your job and his job.  We all can't be on top.  I'm OK being here.  Just give me a chance to be happy and a chance to make a go of it.  That's all I want.  So until next time I bid you farewell and adieu!
Back then we thought THIS was expensive!!!

Which way to turn???

If you turned right this may be your next profession

Saturday, February 26, 2011

At the tone the time will be.....

Well here we are at the weekend again.  What have I accomplished thru the week?  Who cares!  I'm just glad I made it thru to Saturday and sleeping in.  Oh no wait a minute.  If I remember correctly in my dazed state of mind this morning sometime between 4am and 6 am there were two mutts whining and whimpering at any given minute to be let outside and fed breakfast.  Then there was the wife who kept nudging me and letting me know the time like it was some kind of freaking countdown.  I had nowhere to go.  Nothing to do.  Apparently she thinks that because I normally get up at 4:30 am that when its 6 am I have had plenty of sleep and therefore I don't need to be in bed anymore.  Contrary to popular belief sometimes I could use a bit of a sleep in.  Especially when I am coming down with a cold or am down with one (not real sure which state it is in). 
Me on the other hand I believe if you get to sleep in until 6:30 everyday of the week then you have more rest and it should be your obligation to get up.  The fact that you can fall asleep again also plays a deciding factor.
Oh who am I kidding?  I'm stuck with the duty no matter what.  Just don't nudge me any more.  If I want the time I'll either look at the clock or call the time operator.
Went and looked at another house last night.  This one was just outside the village limits of Grand Ledge which is a very popular area around here.  It was a 5 bedroom 2.5 bath on half acre.  It was your classic 1960s ranch with a big finished walk out basement.   It was located in a subdivision that was obviously built in the 60s and 70s.  Mostly all ranches with mature trees.  It's nice.  It is also nestled between two larger and more glamorous subdivisions where the low side of housing will cost you close to 1/4 Million.
The house is short saled at 116K.  It needs updating throughout.  The bones of the house are great.  Hardwood floors, attached garage, big yard, deck, patio but like I said everything needs a facelift. 
Floors refinished, paint, carpet, kitchen needs updating.  So it probably needs about 20K just to get it back to current times.  Who knows what the yard looks like.  They apparently had dogs and dogs can trash  alot of stuff if not taken care of.  Trust me I know.  The upper deck is small and needs to be enlarged.
All in all for the price it's pretty nice.  I don't want to live in a subdivision though.  I would only buy this house to retrofit it and resell in a few years when the kids are in college.  There is only one other house for sale in the sub and it is actually the neighbors house and it's listed at 145K. 
I think I could update it and if the market comes back a bit in the next 4-5 yrs sell it for around 165K or so.
The last time it sold it went for 185K in 2006.  Granted it was peak of the market back then but the value should come back a little.  Then we would have a nice profit to put down on a smaller home out in the country where I want to be.  What the hell is 5 yrs anyways?  I haven't really seen any other houses that qualify for a future resale like this one does.  Many are in town and I don't see the value going up like I do in this one.  Now I'm no real estate expert but I know potential when I see it.  Who knows right?  I'm just trying to live the dream and stay on the right side of dirt.
Here's a couple shots of the house.  1200 sq ft upstairs and not sure about the lower level.  It also has 2 bedrooms and a full bath as well as a huge living room with French Doors out to the patio so probably pretty close to the upstairs.




As you can see it needs updating but it may be a good investment.  Just a scary market right now is all.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Bad Brakes and Bad Breaks!!

Woke up to another 4 inches of snow this morning.  Add that to the 6 or 8 we had on Sunday/Monday and the sum is ......BFM of big freaking mess.  I don't have a truck anymore.  I used to have a 1980 Chevy pick up that I spray painted camo.  It was ugly (not to me) drove terrible and had brakes about as good as a Patrick Swayze movie.  But........it was 4 wheel drive, it was camo and it was a truck.  My man card was still intact.  Then came the Daytona 500 Budweiser shootout one February Day.  Perhaps at this time it was called something different but I don't remember because I had been celebrating way too much that day.  I was drunk.  Not just drunk but wiggly arms and can't think straight drunk. 
There was a party at my neighbors who lives directly behind me about 3/8 of a mile.  Straight driveway, flat driveway, tree lined driveway.  It was the last one that got me.  Damn trees anyways. 
Back up just a bit.  Even though I was drunk I had perfected the world's greatest pot of chili and was taking that as my dish to pass.  My brand new slow cooker loaded to the rim with Brim  mouth watering Texas goodness.  (not sure where chili originates from but in my world it's not Mexico) 
To make a long story short I got behind the wheel of that camo truck and proceeded to drive back to said neighbors house.  Unfortunately as I said before the drive was tree lined, I was drunk and my truck had brakes that worked as good as Whitney Houston in rehab clinic.  I soon discovered that #1 steering wheels and foreheads are impressionable.  #2 Chili makes a rather disgusting windshield wash.  #3 Big trees do not move no matter how fast you go.  #s 456789 all deal with not driving while...... need I say more.
So no more truck.  Sold it for scrap for $200.  I don't know why I thought the Budweiser shootout was to be held in that particular neighbors driveway, but I can tell you that if you are going to drive a 26 yr old truck with camo paint, bad tires and brakes as good as Paula Abdul's composure then let Lindsay Lohann do it.
She is a professional.  As for me...embarrassed, revoked man card, no chili, resort to car, big bump on head but mostly lucky for being so stupid....I no longer drink during the Budweiser Shootout.
I don't know how or why this story made it to here but I've shared it and sometimes things are not so Simple in my Life as it may appear.  Perhaps I am a very slow learner.  Nah, just an idiot.
Thanks for reading stop by again.
PS I miss my truck!!

Crazy picture but see the truck in the background?



In progress paint job


My wife says I'm a redneck but not really anymore.  I quit watching Nascar.  I don't drink domestic beer and I don't have sex with sheep.  Those are three qualifications that I don't have.  Until next time Bahhhhye!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wake up Asshole!!!!

Funny things happen sometimes.  I have seriously been delinquent in my blogging efforts as of late.
Reading them, commenting on them and writing my own.  Sorry folks!  Self consummation is a bitch!!
I was reading up on some blogs and I popped over to Bruce Johnson JADIP   and read this post.Slow Down and Beer Me
It was like a slap in the face.  I have been all depressed and upset about house hunting and all the bull crap that goes along with it that I have forgot to be thankful for even being in a position to buy a house.  Especially when so many are facing the biggest financial crisis of their lives.  Sorry again people.
I need to remember that the journey is the fun part the end is a damn box being lowered into the ground.  Who the hell wants to hurry up and get there???????????

I won't say much else but it's time to start living and not just being alive.
Thanks Bruce!!

Until next time.  (oh yeah I'm working Friday, special project I volunteered so see ya when I get home)
-Bushman
I found a new use for my Hot Tub in the Winter

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The dog days of winter

Whew!!
It's all I can say for now.  I've just arrived home from the end of my work week.  No overtime this week.  I can say I'm ok with that.  Burned out! 
The dogs have been fed and have been outside in the balmy evening air.  Fantastic weather for mid Feb.  52 degrees.  Snow is almost gone.  That is good and bad because it reveals what the dogs have been doing to my back yard all winter.  Yuck!!!  Oh well a small price to pay for having two best friends at your beckon call.  So I found a clean spot and also found Remmi's ball which was buried under a snow drift.  Much to his delight we played fetch for awhile.  Him running crazily across the soft ground and me side arming the ball as far as I could while sipping a beer.  It doesn't take long to tear up some turf with this dog so we had to stop after a bit.  I would have moved to a fresh patch but the space was already taken by....well lets just say it was occupied!!
Valentines day was fun.  I thought I had the one up on the wife but she surprised me with new work boots, chocolate and a card.  I had purchased a card and the ingredients for an apple pie.  I thought we could have pie and ice cream for desert on Valentines day.  I didn't think she was getting me anything.  Sneaky chick hid them in my car and when I went to work that morning(5:30am) I discovered them.  Totally surprised because she had mentioned maybe not doing anything for the occasion because we are saving every penny for a house and I had agreed. (hence my one up with the pie and card)  So... after work I had to run to the store to sweeten the pot you could say and picked up some house slippers and some fuzzy, cushy socks for her.  There... even!!  The pie was yum yum and the boots didn't fit.  I'll return them for the right ones. Peanut butter hearts and marshmallow chocolate I took to work and chowed in front of the non gift receiving guys!!  Hey it's not my fault they didn't give.  Cuz they would've got and we all would have been munching the day away.  The kids even got shoes and slippers and yummies.  It was a foot theme I suppose.
We are heading up North tomorrow.  So no posts from me after tomorrow morning.  I could post from my phone but I won't.  It will be nice to get away.  I need a pick me up.  I fear depression is setting in and I am virtually powerless to do anything about it.  I gotta say the mind is a very powerful thing.  You get yourself in a funk and its impossible to recover.  Well enough for now. 
My picture for the post is of my dogs.  I post lots of pictures of my dogs, they make me happy.  Green grass makes me happy as well so to hell with it I'll nail em both!








Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Gunner's First Bath

Good Morning and welcome to Sunday Salutations.  I woke up to a beautiful, although short lived, sunrise this morning.  I was downloading a picture from the camera chip and when it was finished the colors were already gone.  However the Simple Life archives are loaded with beautiful sunrises as well as sunsets and I believe I have one that looks just like this morning.  I'll use that one!!
These pictures are the only way Momma ever gets to see the sun rise.  She is unwavering in her dedication to sleeping in.  The way I see it is if you sleep in all the time then there is no need for you to have a nap during the day.  Now who doesn't love Sunday naps on the couch with the puppies!

Gunner is always ready for a nap!!

It's a hard life being a dog in my house.

Well I don't have anything funny, sarcastic or any rants today but I will let you in on my ham battle.
Never heard of a ham battle?  You take a giant spiral sliced ham on sale from the grocery store for $11 and you cook it for dinner one night.  Then you battle the ham to see who can last the longest as far as leftovers are concerned.  Here we go.....
Meal #1--Ham dinner with mashed potatoes and corn.
Meal #2---leftover ham slices in my lunch for work   
Meal # 3---Fried egg and ham sandwich for breakfast
Meal # 4--Ham and cheese omelets for breakfast     
Meal # 5---Fried ham and cheese on toast sandwich
Meal # 6---Ham and potato chowder with fresh fried corn fritters (pic)


I still have ham left and I still have the huge bone in portion left with tons of meat on it.
I must confess I think this ham is going to win.  I will have the last bit of sliced ham for breakfast this morning but the bone is going to have to go in the freezer.  The chowder was fantastic and I still have leftovers from that to eat, so any soups will have to wait.  I dare you to try your own ham battle.
The best part of this particular battle was the fact that the ham was only $11.  Normally they sell for $25-$30
I cashed in on the overstock from the holidays.  Smoked hams last a long time.  I should have bought another one and froze it but my freezer is unplugged with the depletion of my venison stores.
The recipe for the chowder was simple.
Melt half stick butter in pot.  Saute' half onion till translucent.  Sprinkle with a TBS of flour coating all onions.
Add in about 32 oz chicken stock and bring to a boil whisking to keep it smooth then add about 8 cups diced potatoes as well as your chopped ham reduce heat to simmer.  Eyeball how much ham (or bacon) you want in it.  Simmer 20 minutes or so until potatoes are tender.  Add in one can of cream of chicken soup.  In a separate pot heat a pint of heavy cream until warmed. (or half and half)  Do not boil it.  You just want it to be hot going into the potatoes so you don't have a temp fluctuation.  Stir in the cream/milk to the simmering potato mix.
I added a handful of shredded cheddar cheese to the pot and mixed it in until melted. (good thickener)
You could also use cream cheese 6 oz or so.  Garnish with chopped chives and a sprinkle of cheese.

For the fritters use 1 1/4 cup self rising cornmeal, 1 1/4 cup of flour, 1/4 cup sugar, 1 tsp salt, 1 cup milk, 2 eggs slightly beaten (they still need to go to school in the morning) 1/2 stick melted butter, can of sweet corn, oil for frying.  Mix cornmeal, flour, sugar and salt.  add milk to eggs whisk and add to flour mixture.  Stir.
Add in butter and corn. mix well.  Drop mix by tablespoon into hot oil.  About 1/2 inch deep in a fry pan works well,  fry about a minute per side.  Do yourself a favor and eat this with the chowder the two make a great combo.  Sweet and savory, creamy and crunchy.  Yummmm

I'm gonna drop the whole porno thing.  It creeps me out because so many titles have the word teen in them and I have two teens.  Yeah you get the picture.  What is up with the porno world?  Leave the kids out of it!
I'm sure there not actually teens (on cable that is) but still I don't like it.
So I will be searching for a new post feature. 
Thanks for stopping by and here is my picture of the post (you already had four, spoiled brats)

Big Brown Dog's first bath!!!!



Saturday, February 12, 2011

Season Changers and Kate's on the River

Hey There,
Welcome to Saturday.  I feel like my life has become a game of Pong.  A little white (snow covered) ball bouncing from day to day with the same amount of energy.  Needlessly rebounding between white (snow) walls.  Can you hear it? Pong, Pong, Pong, Blip (oops that was a fart) Pong, Pong.  Note there are 5 pongs there.  MTWTF.  No pong for Saturday though.  Why you ask?  Because I still have about 7 beers in the fridge!!!!!!!! Even if they do taste like crap  they still provide a buzz and an escape from reality. 
Ummm I should rephrase that.  In my long history of well...let's just call it beer.  In my long history of beer I have learned that if you drink beer to change your world then you are an alcoholic.  So I shall rephrase to say that I just want to escape from the current season.  Michigan has multiple seasons and they mostly are all Winter but there is Spring, Fall, about 1 month of Summer and Road Construction.  The road construction season often intermingles with Summer.  So my plan for the day is to head out to the wood shop and fire up the wood stove.  Once warm I will sit in a chair and ponder woodworking projects while sipping ice cold season changers.  After three or four season changers I won't care that its STILL ONLY FREAKING FEBRUARY.  No I'm just kidding its not that bad it may take 5 season changers.

On a lighter note I would like to welcome two new followers to A simple Life.
 Bruce from Just Another Day in Paradise  and
Krissy from Talkative Taurus
Check out their recent posts.  Funny stuff.  Krissy's dog did a guest post on Bruce's page.
Also Bruce's repost about drugs and the side effect, anal seepage.

Ok that's enough links for one post.  My computer is soooo slow.  Opening two tabs at once is like asking Hosni Mubarek to step down.  (I know that one sucked).

Couple neat things going on right now in The Simple Life.  One I am really excited about although probably a bit premature (story of my life).  I was talking with Kaitlin the other day about grades and college and what she would like to do once she is out of High School.  She had mentioned before something about being a vet and I thought that was cool (although I would have to sell my two wonder dogs to pay for it) and I supported her decision.  This time though she said she would like to maybe cook. (exact words)  My jaw about hit the counter.  I know she loves food but I didn't know she wanted to learn how to cook it!  One of my dreams has been to open my own dining establishment and I love to cook and eat (230 lbs currently).  So you would not believe the thoughts that went racing through my simple mind in about 2 seconds.  I can see it now.
Kate's on the River , a culinary experience unknown in this area.  No more must you choose from Applebees, Outback, Cracker Barrell, Big Boy (they do have great coffee) or any other cookie cutter resteraunts.  Were talking, from scratch, fresh,  premium food.  Made with love by people who love to cook and not just need a job.  (sorry if I offend anyone in that category).  I can send her off to culinary school and we could open our own place. Her and I both head chefs.  Baby Joe Joe could wash dishes and Momma could be the hostess.  Just kidding Joe is terrible at dishes.  You get the idea, dream big or have another season changer.  It's all the same to me but if my baby girl wants to cook then by golly somehow we'll find a way!! (can you tell I spoil her)  Last weekend she and I had a cook session and she was rolling out beautiful omelets one after another.  I figure I have 3 plus years of high school left to teach her everything I know before she heads out to school.  You never know!!!!
Another neat thing is we are heading North next weekend for a mini vacation.  I'll get to see some long lost relatives.  Well they weren't lost but you know how it goes.  So I am excited about that.  I can't divulge any more just yet.  It may still be a secret. 
So enough for now.  I may be back later. 

My porn title for this post (I list one every post) is.........Juggy-nauts 4  DD Delights.

And my picture (sent to me from my beloved daughter) is..............



Thursday, February 10, 2011

Snowsharks and the City

Hello my blog friends,
Just a quick post to let you know I once again have to work overtime tomorrow.  Ughhh!  I love the money but I miss my Friday mornings on the computer sipping cup after cup of hot coffee.  Wife is at work and kids are at school and the dogs are cuddled nicely on the couch.  I had better stop or I'll be calling in "sick" tomorrow.  I am leaving here shortly, off to the city to pick up my wife at Kaitlin's Basket ball game, then back home in time to fall asleep on the couch for an hour before heading to bed.
I generally do nothing after work and going in to the city is not nothing therefore my schedule is altered and I don't deal well with altered schedules so honey if you read this tomorrow that is why I was such an ass tonight.  This is kinda nice, apologizing subtly for upcoming behavior in a current post that will be read in the future.  Brilliant!! why didn't I think of that before.    Plus I can't stand basketball.  Worst sport ever next to bowling (as far as watching is concerned) some would say golf and baseball are boring to watch but I think basketball tops 'em all.  So there you go in a nutshell.  Sorry but my after work posts leave much to be desired.  I'm a weekend guy so I'll see ya on Saturday.

Porn title for this post is.......Divas- Dining and Drilling       ( Wonder how that compares to the oil drilling show in Alaska)

And a classic picture;


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Bad Beer

Perhaps that will just be the title to all my Sunday posts from now on.  Sunday Salutations  I like to have creative titles but sometimes it's just not possible.  I'll just blend the two together.  Hang on while I adjust the title.  OK.  Now you know this post has something to do with beer.  Nasty, yucky beer.  Now I'll drink just about any kind of beer.  I like most any kind of beer.  I have my favorites.  They usually start with B and end in R but there are exceptions.  Yesterday I picked up a 12 pack of Great lakes Brewing Company sampler pack.  It had 6 varieties of beer in it.  How fun you say!  Ackkk!  That's the sound of Bill the Cat.  Remember him?  I started off with an "Authentic Belgian Wheat Beer"  It should have been called Authentic Shitty Stuff or ASS for short because it was awful.  I tried to nurse it, I tried to slam it, I poured it in a glass, I let it breathe and I even suffocated it.  It still sucked!  So I just slammed it and shook my head for a couple seconds afterward smiling the whole time.  Smiling you say?  I thought it was bad?  It was but smiling keeps you from throwing up!  Yep learned that on Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe(one of the greatest shows ever)
So after wiping the tears from my eyes I returned to the fridge.  Can't get any worse can it?  It can and it did.  The next one was simply titled Mackinaw.  It was some sort of ale with a flowery hops taste.  It was worst than the first.  It was like someone soaked rose petals in a skunk beer and then named it micro brew.
I'm thinking that GLBC is working on the theme of the old story we read growing up about the Emperors New Clothes.  They say it's great and it's a micro brew so it must taste good as well.  Some people no doubt would say they love it (they should have their tongues removed).  This one double sucked.  So I slammed that one down, grinning and crying the whole time.  No crying does not help but the salty tears are a welcome respite on the palate after this beer.  I'd rather do shots of seawater!! 
Of course being a man I just can't call it quits.  It's like the guys on Blue Collar Comedy tour and stinky smells.  You know it's gonna be bad but you can't resist.  So back to the fridge I go.  Now I gotta buzz on cuz I pretty much just slammed two beers.  What they lack on taste I think they make up for in alcohol content.  Or I'm just a lightweight.  I grab one of my favorites.  A red lager.  This one should be OK.  It was.  Just OK though.  I certainly wouldn't buy it again.  At least I got to drink this one and didn't have to slam it or pour it out.  After the Red lager it was a Porter.  This one was the best of all.  Not great but definitely better than the prior 3.  This one went down the hatch fairly easy.  So.......no I didn't go back to the fridge.  Momma and I went up to Joe's and stupid me I have to try the Cock A Doodle brew.  First thing I did was check the label to see if it was made by GLBC.  Thankfully it wasn't.  This one was made up in Saginaw.  I think they used the river water to make it or chicken urine or perhaps chicken vomit.  The worst one of the night.  Sorry Joe but never again shall I partake of your chicken vomit juice.  So I said to hell with it.  No more crazy beers today.  Worst of all I have a couple nightmares hanging out in my fridge.  I still have to try the Big Mac and the IPA.  Here's hoping!!! 
On a side note I have posted part 2 of The Payment if you care.  I know it took forever for the next part.  Sue Me!!

Porn Title for this post is...........Big Boob Brigade.    This is the prequel to Ernest joins the Army.  Now you know why he did.

And my picture....

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Happy Birthday Father!!!!!!

I would like to take a moment of your time to wish my Father a Happy Birthday!!  If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here!  Ahh! How cliche' I know.  I'm so bright my Dad calls me son!  I truly was the garbage man's kid!  OK I'll stop. 
Pops I hope your birthday was great.  A sailing adventure from Venice to Key West sounds fun.  I do hope you trolled some sort of fishing line behind the boat on the way down.  You truly are my best friend and my favorite Dad!!!!  Can't wait to see you soon!

On a side note my brain is becoming numb by the effects of mid winter.  The creative bones in my body have frozen stiff and I am perplexed in my attempts at writing.  I normally have a Friday morning post but with the "storm of the decade" having trounced us on Wednesday I was at work on Friday.  Which really throws the whole weekend off.  I think everybody should work 4 ten hour days and have Fridays off.  It's fun and you have an extra day to procrastinate mowing your lawn.  It also makes Thirsty Thursday a bit more enjoyable.
Well I have nothing else.  Someone, somewhere give me a subject and I'll write something about it.  Sad, funny, angry I don't care.  Just something!!

My porno title for this post is...............Licking Latin Cougars!  (I don't suppose they could have said leopards then it would be rated LLL)

And last but never least my picture for the post................
Happy Birthday Dad!  I love Ya!!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Groundhog's Day and the Retarded Weatherman!!

Well the storm of the decade turned out to be a flop.  Who am I kidding we all had our doubts.  I want to be a weatherman in Michigan.  You could get drunk on a school night, stagger into work, tell everyone we are in for a blizzard of up to 24 inches of snow, schools get cancelled, General Motors shuts down, even my work was closed today, then  we get 6 inches of snow with some drifting nobody, holds you accountable and you repeat the whole scenario next time two fronts collide.  Sounds like a job for me.
Happy Ground Hog Day nevertheless.  I wonder if Punxatawney Phil will see his shadow or not.  I would have to research it a bit more but It's a trap anyways like if he sees it there is six more weeks of winter but if he doesn't then it's only 6 more weeks till spring or some gay shit like that.  It's still too freaking far away.
You know in my yard if Phil pokes his head above ground he gets a bullet in the ear.  STOP digging under the foundation of the workshop you little tick and flea infested varmint.  Nasty virile creatures they are.

On a lighter note I would like to welcome Catie to the Simple Life.  If you get a moment check out her blog it will take you back to younger, funner world.  It's a treat to read.

In honor of Groundhogs Day I will not post a porno title but a porno picture!!!  (For new readers I like to post a porn title off of my cable TV directory every post.)  Yeah Porn Pics finally appear on the Simple Life.....















I think groundhog Day could be better managed of course.  Like how about the first Saturday in February.  We could turn it into a major event with the addition of Punxatawney Phil's Pilsner.  Or we could do shots of Groundhog Pucker.  We could have cool shirts and hats with neat little sayings on them....like this one.

The stores could carry an assortment of banners and ribbons all with the little marmot embossed on them.  Why not?  We need another party holiday.  Valentines Day is much too depressing for Nerds and is more like a mandatory expenditure for married people.  "Give us Groundhogs Day or Give us Death ", to quote a famous late American icon.  Phil Henry.  (Patrick's furry little brother)
Next year I will embrace Groundhogs day slightly more than this year.  Perhaps with the above mentioned t-shirt. In case you didn't know what groundhogs do all winter while waiting for today...

Sometimes they have jobs.  But only in Michigan!!

" So without further ado I give you
your next American Groundhog!"---Ryan Seacrest


I just couldn't leave WalMart out of the story! Grrrrrrrrr

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Storm of the Decade

Today we have been blessed with excitement.  This is a much needed event in February in Michigan.
Giant snowstorm heading in.  Our area is to expect up to 16 inches of snow tonight and an additional 8 tomorrow.  Count 'em up.  24 inches of righteous, blinding, whipping snow in your face cold ass shit!
To accompany this wondrous snow event is up to 60 mph winds.  BLIZZARD WARNINGS IN EFFECT FOR A SIMPLE LIFE.  PLEASE TAKE SHELTER AT THE NEAREST WATERING HOLE AND PREPARE TO MAKE SNOW ANGELS IN THE STREET!
Work told us today to check the news at 4am tomorrow to see if we are cancelled.  Too funny to see your work listed with the school closings.  I'm down with it.  Seriously though, that is a shitload of snow and of course the whole area is in an uproar.  Grocery stores are packed, gas prices are up, generators are on sale, beer is being poured in a glass (wait that's just at my house).  I have not had the fortune of witnessing a blizzard of this proportion in my measly 36 yrs of life.  The blizzard of 78 I was 4.  I probably was still shitting my drawers at 4.  (I'm a slow learner)  So hell yeah I'm excited.  Stay tuned for pics and posts on the blizzard of 2011. 
I would also like to welcome Cindy to my followers list.  Thank you for stopping by.  As well as Simple Dude.  I appreciate every time you read my crap.  It makes me a better person knowing you are there gagging in the glow of your computer monitor.  Seriously thanks!!

My porno title for this post is.....
Black Shafts in a White World------not sure what to make of that one because anything I type may
                                                       seem racists but once you go black...
And the picture is......

Hey hand me that scraper would ya?