If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten!

Hello and welcome to Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten of the Week.

For newbies I like to try a different kind of beer on Thursdays or if that's not possible just drink beer!
The top ten is my collection of moments from the recently deceased week.  Good or bad you make the decision.  My work week ends on Thursday so that is why I top ten it on this day of the week.
Today is also the day that I change my post of the week.  I dig up an old post of mine and put it up so you can read some of my other things.  You can find that on the right hand side of your screen.

So we'll start right off with the beer.  A nice Sam Adams Irish Red!  I know I drank that yesterday but in all honesty I bought it yesterday to drink today.  Problem was I bought it yesterday.  Yeah I had zero restraint.  I only had 4 bottles out of the 6.  It was a school night you know!  Funny thing is it's 5.8% ABV so I got kinda funny in a hurry.  Yep that's why I quit at 4,  I was not saving them.  I mean really, do you think I was gonna come home on Thursday to only two beers?  I quit because those 4 were like drinking 8 regulars.  It was a school night ya know! (see how I can play that both ways)  Anyways the beer is outstanding.  Nice malt and just a smithereen of hops. (smithereen is small, very small)  I like hops but I don't want to drink hops tea.  The craze these days is overhopped beers and I'm not into it.  To each his own is what I say.  Swill it up if ya want.  ( Hops was originally used in ancient times to prevent spoiling of the beer on long journeys.  They were drinking and driving way back then too)
Ok the beer part is out of the way but don't be too surprised if I show up next week with a wee bit O' Irish again laddy!  Now I have another funny lunch story this one a bit shorter than the calf story!  Same guy though!

So were sitting there having lunch.  Me, a hamburger, chips and a soda.  Frank, a sammich.  Bobby, BLT.
Tony, not really sure.  If I had to guess I would say baby shit and Capn Crunch with crunchberries.
Probably could add a little glue in there as well.  Elmer's white glue would match up nicely.
I'm a foodie so I watched him eat his lunch.  Glance here and a glance there and for 20 minutes he ate his glue and crunchberry concoction and I could not guess what it was.  It was driving me nuts.  Curiosity got the best of me and heaven knows I shouldn't have ever opened my mouth but hey it's me, I had to.
'Tony, what the fu%k are you eating?''
"Oh it's good.  It's ah sausage and ahhhh placenta.''
I'll let that soak in for a second.  Go ahead and reread it.  No misspelling there.
Of course you can imagine the neck popping going on as we tried to figure out if what he said was true.
He just kept digging at every little morsel left in his circa 1976 Tupperware dish.  Click, click, clack went his spoon while we sat there dumbfounded, awestruck and profoundly stupefied.  Finally I was able to open my mouth and I ask him, "What the fu%k did you just say?''
"My wife made it, it's sausage and placenta.  It has bits of red pepper and onion and..."  I cut him short right there.   "Placenta?  You're eating placenta?'' 
He looks up then and notices our ashen faces and our looks of dumbfoundness.
"I think that's what she said it was", he says softly his eyes quizzical as to our inquiry.
"Do you mean POLENTA?", I ask him.   "Yeah yeah that's it", he says.  He quietly goes back to the one little corner of the Tupperware, made back when Luke Skywalker was still hot stuff, and resumes clicking and clacking trying his best to relieve the corner of it's pasty goodness!
The rest of us glance at each other and finally, unable to contain ourselves anymore, burst into laughter at which Tony raises his head, smiles and begins laughing with us.  Not even sure he knew why we were laughing but he thought it must be funny.  Just to clear things up Tony is the same guy from the Calf story.
What a way to end a lunch.  We will forever hound him now.  I wonder if he'll go home and tell his wife not to make sausage and placenta anymore because the guys at work tease me.  I hope he does.  Thanks Tony!

Now on to yuckier things.  I received an e-mail from the realtor yesterday stating that the bank had not received the permit for the septic yet but were expecting it today.  I was told prior to that, weeks prior, that the bank had the permit and was waiting on bids.  I was told numerous things.  None of which were really accurate shall we say.  So I was slightly upset.  I proceeded to send an e-mail to all parties involved, with attached e-mails that I had received, stating the whyfors and withertos, describing my sentiment, mentality, certain instabilities and my overall displeasure with the current proceedings.  I told them I didn't care who's fault it was (if anybodys') just get the damn thing fixed so I can move out of this forsaken shit hole.
Our original closing was scheduled on the 11th of April.  It was postponed to the 26th of April.  Now it is postponed until the 6th of May.  I'm pretty sure it will get postponed again.  Perhaps when Jabba the Hut joins Jenny Craig and they both do the watussi on live TV in Times Square with Katie Couric and that one kid that used to show up every year at the American Idol auditions,  then we will close.  Until then I have Sam.  Apparently Sam is Irish now.  I'm ok with that.

And Now for your viewing pleasure my Top Ten of the Week:

#1...A big welcome to Pearson Report and Penwasser Place  (both new followers and excellent blogs!)

#2...The calf finally died.  (perhaps that's where the placenta came from?)

#3...House buying adventure is not fun.  (about as fun as a kick in the nuts)

#4...Sam Adams is now Irish!  (no comment needed...oops dammit!)

#5...Dinner party was great  food and fun   (thanks Rachel and Lant for lowering yourself to my standard)

#6...My dogs discovered Mr Squirrel in front yard ( I think Tucker told them)

#7...Kitchen for the new house, we will never move into, is all designed   (future post)

#8...In laws are giving us their almost new appliances for the new house.  ( see above )

#9...New cigar catalogue just showed up.  ( should I order? It's been months now.  Months people!)

#10...We actually received a bonus at work!  ( I don't have to play the horse video now) 

That about sums it up.  Headed to the I doctor tomorrow.  That should be fun.  (see # 3)
Take care and go easy on the placenta.  It's a delicacy you know!

Out!




Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I Love You and Breakfast for Dinner?

Well I must say last nights post on writers block stirred up more comments than I thought.  Apparently this is a pretty common thing.  I must confess I probably didn't have normal writer's block. What I mean is when I sit down to write all kinds of crazy crap is usually right there waiting to spill.  If you have been with me awhile you would know I don't post much about current news or happenings.  I sort of let the brain take over and once the first few words hit the screen I'm OK.  As the case last night.  I sat down and stared at my reflection in the monitor trying to figure out what to write.  My brain is all buzzed up from this house deal
(more disturbing updates tomorrow) kids and college, landlords and all the other bung busting bull crap!
So when my fingertips hit the keyboard.......nothing.  So I forced it.  I figured what better way to beat writer's block then write about it.  Maybe it didn't come across that way but if you go back and re-read it now it might make a little more sense.  (something which is hard fought for in this blog)

So on to better things.....shit it's back!  Nope just kidding I had to stop at the grocery store on the way home from boredom  work and pick up some stuff and I figured I better just grab tomorrow's beer today!
Yeah how do you think that worked out for me?  Let's just say Sam Adams makes a really great Irish Red!
Beer makes me type like crazy.....or type crazy one or the other but it's all fun in the ned...end!

I have a few things already lined up for Thirsty Thursday and my Top Ten so make sure you stop in tomorrow night around 6-7 pm.  Sam and I have a date (need to get more). 

One more thing on my mood! (Bad)
I had just sat down to type this crap and my phone rings.  Not a text mind you but a good old fashion ring.
It's my step daughter (Spunky) she asks me, "I have a really serious question.  What's for dinner?"
I laugh and reply, "Breakfast".  The rest of the convo goes something like this (without the damn quotations)
Are you serious?  Yeah why not?  Really what are we having for dinner?  Breakfast!  WhooHooo !!!!!
OK Bye!  Love you Jeff!  Love you too!

Now to some of you that might be normal but being a stepparent I don't get a lot of I love Yous.
Times like these make my heart swell and realize what being a parent is all about (even though my kids are 14 and17)  You know every once in awhile they screw up and call me Dad!  Few and far between but my heart jumps in my chest and my stomach gets butterflies.  I've been with them for almost 12 years now!
Probably can count the Dads on one hand.

OK I'm off to make fried potatoes, bacon, eggs, toast, sausage links and pancakes!

Manana bitches!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Crazy with Broken Brains!

Damn writers block anyways!
I can't think of anything funny to write.  Nothing sad.  Nothing happy, sappy or mad. 
I heard no jokes.  No Jack and Cokes and  Thursday is a whole world away.  6 pack, tops will crack, block will go away.  Just need to wait it out!

I casually glance at my reflection clinging to life on the monitor.  It looks pasty and overweight.  I feel a brief moment of anger before I speak.
"My head is broke", I say aloud.
"What are you saying Mr. Crazy Bushman?", the monitor crackles at me.
 "I'm not sure but I think my brain is broken", I repeat.
"How can your brain be broken and you are still alive?', monitor guy asks.
"Not sure but it's something I've perfected over the years", I respond.
"Well apparently you haven't perfected the correct way to use quotation marks when it pertains to dialogue in your disturbing blog".  The monitor is now being snarky. 
"I don't really give a flying frick", I yell at him as I notice his cheeks are slightly rosy as if the computer just turned up the contrast dial and unperfected his pasty ass.

At this point I seriously consider dumping the little prick.  As the arrow reaches the little red x up in the corner I realize that when the screen goes dark he will be there in all his glory.  Staring, condemning, loathing  and most of all I'll see his eyes.  The complete story will reveal itself and then I'll run.  Truth is in the eyes.

"So do you have any ideas on what I can write about?", I ask him.  Silence.  He heard my thoughts."C'mon I was only kidding", I plead.  "I won't do it again".  "How about a beer?"  Nothing!  He just stares back at me as if I wasn't here at all.

"I really, really need a topic", this time there is a desperation in my voice.  Even the dogs take note.

"I already have", he says.

It's getting dark now.  I will see you Thursday. 


maybe....



Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Some New Links!

Good Morning and Happy Easter!
All is quiet around here this morning.  After a wonderful dinner and a great visit with old friends last night Momma and I climbed into bed heavily burdened with too much food and wine and snored the night away.  Even the dogs slept in until 7 am this morning.  I awoke fresh and invigorated ah...who am I kidding.  I woke up with a sore back, plugged nose and still full from dinner.  Yep, I ate that much!  It was fun and a good time was had by all.  In case your wondering; an avocado puree is simply avocados, mayo, olive oil, green onions, cilantro, salt and pepper blended to a puree.  I then pour it into a squirt bottle and dress the dish with it.  It's great on fish or for the "salsa" on fish tacos.  The bright green color really accents the plate nicley.
A big hello and welcome to a few new followers:
A Beer for the Shower very funny site and comes with it's own cartoons.  Ya gotta see it! also
Heather at Sugar Free Thoughts make sure you visit her and bring your own sugar!
Also KW over at Semi-Coherent Thoughts  a fellow Tigers fan!
I have a couple new things on the blog roll this morning. 

First off the Studio 30 badge to the right.  A place for people 30 and over to hang out and share their thoughts and ideas.  There is some pretty neat stuff over there to check out not to mention a ton of blog material to read and sift through.  I finally decided to post something over there in the "hardest post to write" feature.  Wander over there and check it out.  If you're over 30 sign up would ya? 

I also had to remove my favorite posts link because all the links were now obsolete with the changing of A Simple Life.  Not to worry all the other links still work.  I also decided I would pick a favorite post of mine every week and display it up top.  Lets face it many blogs are just too long with hundreds of posts and no one really sits there and reads a person whole blog so I will offer up tidbits from the past to share.  That way you can click once a week and perhaps it will you give you a better insight into my crazy logic.

Inlaws for Easter dinner today.  Not much else happening.  Hope you have a great Sunday and I'll see ya real soon!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Dinner Anyone?

It's been a busy day so far!  Momma is at the soccer field running concessions for the soccer skills thingamajig for the little ones.  Also giving the building a good clean because they left it a wreck after last falls Boy's season.  That woman does more than 10 when it comes to those kids and their extra curricular activities.  Props for her. (just don't ask me to get all sporty)  The only thing I sport....never mind!
So while she was away from home I started cleaning.  Having friends over for dinner tonight so I need to clean up the place.  The house is kinda bare and cold with most everything packed up in boxes now.  I took the two pictures we bought last week for the new kitchen and hung them on the wall where the old pics used to be.  It helps!  Then I cleaned the couches and the hardwood floors, dusted and mopped.  You would think that damned yellow dog would be bald by now.  He is a shedding machine.  Brown dog?  you have to yank hair out of him.  He doesn't shed at all.  Then I went to the market for some fresh ingredients for supper.
 I have a reputation to uphold when it comes to having guests for dinner.  So between last night and this morning I planned my menu.  I want it to be fresh but have some intensity.  When most people think fresh they turn to salads.  Salads are kinda boring.  Traditional salads that is.  So I went with some fresh citrus and herb flavors to compliment the springness in the air.  By the way the weather finally found us.  Sunny and around 55.  Windy but I'll take it.  I even fired up the mower and cut the grass in the back yard.
(deep inhale....ahhhh fresh cut grass)
So for my menu I did a little take on Italian surf and Turf.
I am starting with a cheese, tomato and bread course.  Some fresh mozzarella and deep flavored apple smoked gruyere laid delicately next to sliced heirloom tomatoes and ready to burst Cherub tomatoes that are drizzled with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkled with some classic Italian herbs such as basil and oregano.  The bread is a Pan Bigio which is crusty on the outside and chewy on the inside.  The bread is escorted to the palate with some herb infused olive oil. ( I could eat that and call it quits)
Next on the appetizer are some shrimp that have been quick sauteed in a garlic oil and pepper served hot and surrounding a couple of seared scallops that have a bright green avocado, cilantro, green onion puree delicately drizzled over top.  A nice warmth from the pepper contrast nicely with the coolness of the avocado puree.  Plus it's shrimp and scallops.. hello!
The proteins will be the main surf and turf theme consisting of a grilled sirloin and a pan seared Rainbow Trout fillet.  The beef will be nestled atop some fresh mushrooms and asparagus that have been sauteed and tossed in a shallot and Chianti reduction with fresh basil leaves as a garnish.  The trout will be surrounded by a fluffy bed of chicken stock infused cous cous with fresh cilantro leaves as a garnish.  The trout will also be served with a few drops of the avocado puree for that bright fresh injection of flavor that just shouts spring is here!    To keep the two from fighting I have a grilled corn, bell pepper and onion medley.  Of course I have two selections of wine to pair with the meal.  the first for the appetizer will be a Pinot Grigio from meridian vineyards and for the main course an Italian Chianti from Ecco Domani vineyards.
Last but not least I will have a strawberry and marscarpone filled crepe drizzled in chocolate sauce alongside a bright, cheery scoop of French Vanilla ice cream.  A rich and sweet glass of Port from Taylor vineyards is in line to finish the meal. 
Bon' Apetit'

Switching! It's what's for blogging!

Well I've gone and switched over my blog.  I started with A Simple Life a few years ago and since then a shit ton of other people have pretty much taken over that title.  Sorry it just wasn't original enough for me anymore.  Not that it was to begin with anyways.  I have emptied out the new blog that I started and renamed this one and changed the URL.  Screw it.  I only had a few followers anyways.  Some followed but never commented so i doubt they are even there anymore.
That's it.  All I have for now.
-Bushman

Friday, April 22, 2011

Freaky Friday and the Beautiful Jarra!

Good Morning,
At the tone the time will be 6:42 AM.  I wasn't going to post anything this morning but when I stumbled out of bed to let whiner 1 and whiner 2 outside for a potty and back for breakfast and then back out for potty 2 then back in I checked my e-mail via phone which was charging next to life giving machine (coffee pot) in the kitchen.  Lo and behold I had an e-mail from a complete stranger by the name of Jarra.  Jarra's e-mail is in Spanish.  I took a couple years of Spanish in high school (21 long years ago) and so I started to decipher my way through.  Now mind you 2 years of high school Spanish buried in years of stress, kids, marriage, multiple jobs, and many many beers is sort of hard to hang on to.  I can remember a few things.  Most have been forgotten so I was snickering at myself this morning as I stood there in my shorts at 5:30 in the morning while the dogs were out taking care of things.  Of course my first thoughts were of a perverted nature (sorry I'm a guy) so my translations were accordingly surmised.  Here ya go!

Hola,


Espero que este correo se encontrará con usted en buenas condiciones. Mi nombre es Miss jarra Konte. Soy origen de Costa de Marfil, Senegal, pero que viven en la actualidad. Soy una niña muy sola. su perfil me atrajo, mientras que yo estaba buscando conocer a mi media naranja. Me gustaría conocer a usted, ya que la tribu, la distancia y la edad no me importa. Me gustaría que me escriba a mi dirección de correo electrónico, para que yo pueda explicar más acerca de mí junto con mi imagen. Aquí está mi correo electrónico (jarrakonte@yahoo.com)

En espera de su respuesta.

jarra.

My translation,
Hello,
I wish that you are in good condition. (mostly the latter half is how I derived this)
My name is Miss Jarra Konte.  (easy enough)
I am from the Coast of Marfil but actually live in Senegal.  (pero is but, vive is live, actualid easy guess)
I am a solar girl ( maybe that means very tan.  I like tan girls!)
You perfect me nicely.  Meanwhile I was cooking half of an orange.  ( just about all guessing now)
I like to cook and for you I will work.  (could be part of my fantasty?)
The distance is not important.  (won't the food get cold?)
I would like you to write me with directions to Radio Shack,  (apparently into electronics)
From there I will explain myself but for now use your imagination.  ( giggity)
Here is my radio Shack number (this is where I realized it meant e-mail but c'mon radio shack is funner)
Wishing for your requests,
Jarra


Now my phone is small and it wasn't until I finished trying to translate that I seen the little MORE link at the bottom.  I'm thinking sexy picture.  Woot woot.  I press the little word on the screen quietly saying No whammies, no whammies and guess what pops up.....The English version.
.......................................................
Hello,

I hope that this mail will meet you in good condition. My name is Miss jarra Konte. I am origin of Ivory-Coast, but living Senegal currently. I am a young pretty single girl. your profile attracted me while i was searching to meet my better half. i would like to get acquainted with you, since tribe, distance and age does not matter to me. I will like you to write me with my email address, so that i can explain to you more about me along with my picture. Here is my email (jarrakonte@yahoo.com)

Awaiting your reply.

jarra.

Well Jarra,
Unfortunately I am very picky about tribal boundaries.  Age only matters if you are under 18 (laws are laws)
Distance? have you seen the price of gas?  Besides long distance relationships just don't work.
I'm sorry but it just isn't gonna work.  Just in case, do you have a sister that is very solar?

So ended my wonderful relationship with the very pretty and young Jarra.  I wish I never would have hit the more button.  I liked my version better.  Oh well!

She probably looked like this anyways!




Maybe next time!!



Thursday, April 21, 2011

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten

Hey there!  Welcome to my Thursday edition of A Simple Life.  A couple of things you will need in order to read this.
#1 A cold beer.  (or your favorite drink)  This is Thirsty Thursday you know.
#2 Absolutely nothing better to do because I don't want you to get to the end and say,"Crap, there's a few
     minutes of my life I'll never get back" 
#3 Another cold beer.  (Just in case it's really bad)

I am starting a new theme, if you will, on Thursdays.  It is called Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten.  Duhh it's what the title says.  I only have one other day that is sort of permanent and that is Sunday Salutations.
Any other day of the week your guess is as good as mine.

Today I will focus on......c'mon focus......hang on a minute it's coming........nope ain't gonna happen!

So you get nothing but whatever is going to pop out of my head.  Sometimes I sit around looking or thinking of inspiration on what to post about and frankly it doesn't work.  I just have to sit down and start typing and then like magic (crappy dirty magic from the dollar store)  great words flow onto the page.  Here goes.

Yesterday at work our local credit union shows up with a shit ton of free pizza for lunch.  Unannounced I might add.  I already had my lunch. (ham and potato soup).  I happen to be a member of this CU so I drift off to lunch land.  Well they had extra pizza leftover (duh) and at the end of the day it was in the fridge.
So I grabbed a box and took it home.  Momma and the young uns were not going to be home for dinner and this pizza was my meal ticket.  I ate it.  All 8 pieces.  I warmed it up and sat down in front of the TV and began to gorge.  Picking up the remote control I turn the boob on.  Channel 59 pops up.  The history channel.  Ahh one of my favorites.  What is it? I ask the info button on my 3 foot long remote control.
Oooooooo!  The seven deadly sins.  This should be interesting I just watched the movie seven with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman.  I'm prepped, now lets see the details.  Commercial is over (along with 4th piece of pizza, hey I don't mess around) and the program resumes.  Up pops a picture of a fat guy eating pizza.  No kidding.  Then the narrator (not Mike Rowe who is the greatest TV personality ever) some guy I've heard on the military channel (two timer) proclaims Gluttony as one of the seven deadly sins.  Shit!!!  Turn it or leave it on?  I'm only half way thru my pizza.  Whatever, I think, it is what it is. 
To make a stupid story dumber, turns out there is a little hormone in our bodies called lectin.  Lectin is the stuff that tells us we are full after eating a certain amount of food.  Some people don't have lectin.  Some people have very little.  Very interesting.  I learned a lot about gluttony.  I also learned that I must have sold all my lectin when I was a kid (prolly for the money to buy Star Wars figurines) because I am always hungry.  Even when I'm full I think about eating.  So according to the two little mice in the cage, one fat and one small, it is not my fault that I like to eat.  The science is irrefutable.  So hand me that hunk of cheese will ya?  Felling a little groany down there.  hang on a sec.....
OK I'm back along with a fresh bowl of cheez its.  For my top ten today which is an accumulation of all things (good or bad, you decide)  that have transpired since last Thursday

#1 Damn house closing is probably going to be delayed.(will not escrow money for repairs,must be
     completed before closing)
#2 I got out of work early today.  (Two hours to be exact and no I did nothing fruitful)
#3 My two male dogs finally quit trying to hump each other.  (No...No wait a minute..never mind)
#4 I have self diagnosed myself as lectin deficient. (fat kid fist pump)
#5 I have a half pint of Mr. Daniels stashed in the freeze.  (Momma will say this is bad.  I beg to differ)
#6 Skylights in a bedroom above your bed are awesome.  (they suck when there is a full moon, hail storm,
      lighting, scorching summer sun)
#7 I have a new nephew ( Zachary)
#8 Update on the calf ? ( prognosis is gloomy)
#9 Changed the horse background.  (may put it back up after our quarterly meeting Tuesday)
#10 New beer is Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy ( beer with natural lemonade.  You be the judge)

So ends my Thursday edition of A Simple Life.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Don't really care if you didn't.
Thank goodnes for spell check cuz I'm on my 4th lemonade beer!!

As always I like to post up some funny pictures:

                                    This is my

babysitter?????
Yeah probably!!

I'm looking for the right word to describe this....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Hump Day and Lousy Banks!

Yay It's hump day!!!  What do you mean that's not what it stands for?  Damn that would have gone real good with 4/20 day.  Nah not really.  Every time I smoke that stuff I get high!  Nah not really every time I smoke that stuff I get sick.  I tried several times and several times I got sick and so ends my adventures in the world of Cannabis Sativa. 
The closest I came to that was I dated a girl in High School who had the name of Sativa.  No joke!

Not sure if it's my hump day or not because I only work 4 days a week so I celebrate my hump day on Tuesdays after work.  That would be the 20 hour mark.  I have ten hours left of this week and then it's Thirsty Thursday and my top ten of the week. 
Guys are still walking around work asking how the calf is doing?  Funny story that will live a long time.

Not much going on here.  Closing is going to be delayed again more than likely.  I guess the bank just now got the permit and the engineer has to draw up the plans and they have to get bids.  I was told once the bid is approved it will probably take a week.  Bank will not escrow the money for the repairs so we can close.  It has to be done first.  We have this law in our county and the one next to it.  (Eaton and Barry counties)
The well and septic have to pass in order to transfer the title of the house.  TOST is what it's called you can look it up if you are really bored.  We are all set on our end just waiting on those bastiches!
Enough on septic systems.  I'm just as sick of talking about them as you are listening to them.

Our choice of wood was the handscraped hickory but after hearing Bruce's take on big dogs and handscraped floors I think we will reconsider.  New options await.  I'll look for the same floor but in a flat texture.
Until tomorrow!


PS.  The horse border (my tribute to our new bonus program at work) will find itself removed from this page soon!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

You shut your mouth when your talking to me!

Did you ever feel like just quitting!  Just sit right down on the floor or the ground or in the middle of Walmart and say I'm done.  I'm not moving another inch until I get some answers, recognition, respect, or maybe a cold beer.  (Yeah the beer thing could work.)  Well I'm done!  Not really I'll get up eventually I always do but man oh man is my patience ever being tested. 
Supposed to close on the house in one week from today.  Every Monday I inquire about updates on the house and the last e-mail sent I was inquiring on the whyfors and withertos of the raised mound septic system because if I showed up at the house and there was this giant mound of dirt smack dab in the middle of the back yard I was probably gonna back out of the deal.  It seems to me that if it's going to be my house I should have some say as to where this look a like Indian burial mound is going to be located. 
It went something like this.  "Well we received the permit from the county and now we have to mail it back to them so they can have an engineer design the new septic system then you can review it. "
That was it.  Nothing after like, then we'll set a date or it will be a week after that or  go hump your thumb.
So I let it go.  I'm pretty passive for the most part.  Then Monday rolls around again.  I send my e-mail off around 8am.  I receive a response from my realtor that says she will call the selling bank/agent.
I anxiously anticipate a response.  Checking my e-mails every 2 minutes all day.  Nothing.  So Tuesday rolls around and I send another e-mail that says hey I never heard back from you yesterday.  I think we deserve the courtesy of a response.  Perhaps if you tell them i want to drop the price of the house $2500 for every week they postpone the closing may light a fire under someones' butt.  Response....yes you are right I will call.  Then........................................Nothing!
Now I know I'm stuck between a rock and a ....bigger rock and where do I draw the line at just blowing my top and making everything worse?  When it's all said and done I am the one paying these people so essentially they work for me now.  Correct?  What the heck ever happened to good business in this country.  No one seems to really give a crap anymore.  Very disturbing.  So unless you have a cold beer I'm done.
And in the words of crazy shop talk....."You Shut Your Mouth When You're Talking To Me"!








Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Duct Tape for Momma

Good Morning and welcome to the start (or the end) of another week.  Depends on how you look at it I suppose. 
Momma and I did a little window shopping yesterday.  I was up early as usual and by 8:45 I couldn't stand it anymore so I woke her up by starting breakfast.  I had a loaf of Italian bread that had been hanging around all week so I made some French toast.  Or would that be Italian toast.  Whatever, it made for a great breakfast paired with some link sausage from Mr. Evans in the maple form.  Oh before I forget.  Kids if you use the last of the syrup please tell the guy that buys the groceries!  Nothing worse than having you breakfast almost finished and no syrup.  Thankfully I have enough ingredients laying around that I made my own.(syrup)

We stopped at the new house for a quick measurement or two and headed to the home improvement store.
I am building some custom closet organizers (instead of the goofy wire ones u can buy) and wanted some precise measurements.  While we were there I showed momma how I plan to tear down the walls and open up the kitchen.  We took some floor measurements for the living room as well.  We were going to go with carpet but changed to hardwood floors instead. Here are the choices:
From left to right
A--4.75 " wide handscraped Hickory Tuscany finish
B--4.75" handscraped Maple Modena finish
C--3.25" Genesis Birch cognac finish
D--3.50" Santos Mahogany finish
These are all engineered hardwood floors.  Prefinished with a 30-50 yr warranty.
They can be sanded and refinished but only once maybe twice.
Which do you like?  I'll reveal our choice in a later post.

We also picked out some nice 18x18 porcelain tiles for the kitchen and second bath.  They have a natural stone look like slate or travertine (porous) but don't have the maintenance like real stuff.  (the mutts haven't learned how to mop yet).  I like the large tiles.  It makes the space appear larger.  Goes down quicker too.  We settled on backsplash tiles for the kitchen as well.  A variety of glass mosaic and ceramic squares.
I have a sketch of the new kitchen and I can't wait to get started on it.  I found a beautiful cooktop and double oven yesterday as well.  Just over a grand for all.  I really wanted a gas cooktop but for the price I may go with the electric.  I also set my sights on a beautiful hand hammered copper sink.  The price was around $600.  It's gonna be tough to talk me out of that one. 
The current front living room will be transformed into a somewhat formal dining room with cabinets and shelving that extend out from the kitchen and also incorporates a built in desk area for the blog station.  Basically I just listed the things I wanted in my kitchen (practical) and then started looking at kitchen designs and pictures, colors and textures.  Picking out bits and pieces from other kitchens allowed me to design mine.  I must admit I have looked at hundreds and hundreds of kitchens.  I am still tossing the idea around of building my own cabinets.  Yeah I know honey!  These people don't want to hear us arguing over me wanting to build everything in the house from scratch so shut it!
Just kidding she would be fine with it as long as the duct tape doesn't come loose! :)
I figure I have a year to build all the cabinetry.  It's not hard.  I'm not sure I'm gonna do the dovetailed joinery but it will be nice custom made cabinets.  I can't really guesstimate on the cost savings because I haven't really compared it with anything yet, let alone sit down and draw up any plans for the actual cabinets.
Little by little I could build the cabs.  Store them in the garage and when the moment is right (climb in my tub with a...oh wrong post) install them.
Now on to countertops.  Yowza!  more than likely will end up with a solid surface top.  Sure I would love granite or quartz or some of that badazz recycled glass stuff but lets be honest.  In order for that Momma would have to get a second job and that would force me to remove the duct tape and well then we would be back to arguing about cabinets and we wouldn't be ready for a countertop.  See I think ahead!!
The island in the kitchen will be the best of all. A three tier design.  It will feature my cooktop, a prep sink, a 4 seat raised bar, a lower level informal dining table, a wine cooler and available storage for all things fun in the kitchen.  This will definitely be built by me.  A copper vent hood will extend gracefully from the ceiling.  Well maybe not copper but at least stainless. (copper all the way baby)
So anyways after visually spending thousands and thousands of dollars we went to a couple second hand shops in Lansing.  Used furniture close out specials all kinds of things.  New and used.  Our kitchen/dining room/living room is going to have a Tuscan inspired theme.  We love the warm and vivid colors and the way it makes you fell like just relaxing and kicking back with friends or family.  So in our travels we found these two pieces for the walls.


We were pretty excited to find them and paid only $40 for both.
Well it's 8:35 now so I'll guess it's time for some bacon and eggs and fried potatoes!!
Thanks for stopping by!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

5 Million Dollars and What's for Dinner!

Hello and happy Friday to all.

Couple things on tap for today.  To start off with I will let you know ahead of time I am going to become rich very soon and will probably quit blogging.  I received a very legitimate email today and plan to act on it asap.
The email is as follows:

Dear Jeffrey,
Warm greetings to you,

I am contacting you from Libya.
Please help me take custody of my consignments boxes from diplomat Dr Brian Mawik, over there in Bush intercontinental Airport, Houston, Texas, USA. It is worth $5,000,000, Five Million US dollars and 75 kg of pure gold. If you can assist in this regard, I will provide you his telephone contact immediately.(1)Full Name (2)Full Contact Address(3)Phone#(4)Occupation
Please get back quickly for more details.
Email: idris_kazim@hotmail.co.uk
Idris Kazim
From Libya

See told ya so.  If you want in on the action there is the email address.  Must be legit huh?
I could have a lot of fun with this.  I just need to use someone elses email and personal info.  Let me know if your interested.  Well at least someone trust me with millions of dollars.  Yeah yeah I know its not real.  Do you think Mr. or Mrs Kazim would just want to be friends?  That would give me 21 followers.

Speaking of followers I'd like to give a warm welcome to Oil Field Trash over at Make daddy A Sammich
I'll take followers any way I can get 'em.

On to more important things.
Tonight's beer of choice is from our neighbors to the North.  Canada.  Canada has some great beer and fortunately I live pretty close and its available.  I chose an old faithful Labatt Blue.  Although when I was in Canada they spelled it Bleu.  The Bleu variety is much better than the Blue "Americanized" version.
Budweiser sure ruined the American palate if you ask me.  Sure I drank my fair share. (Miller Lite) but it was only when I slowed down and tasted it that I changed my mind.  I used to say, " I haven't drank beer since they invented the funnel."  It was quantity not quality.  Anyways my Pops and I got hooked on Bleu when we were up in Canada on a caribou hunt.  So far North that no trees grew.  We had to bribe the bush pilot into letting us take an extra case of beer.  My goodness that was some excellent beer.  Great trip.  Montreal was beautiful.  I think the part we visited was called Old Town or something like that.  nevertheless stunning.
I really enjoy Molsons Golden as well but I have not seen that around these parts.  I will say I did have one of my Smithwicks left from last night so I drank that first and then the Blue.  Have you ever heard of an Irish Canadian?  I'm sure there is but I warn you do not mix there beers in the same setting.  A Smithwicks followed by a Blue is well......lets just say I had to much on some chips and what not to cleanse the palate otherwise my Blue was gonna be singing the blues.

It's windy today.  Flat out kicking butt.  I took down the dog kennel last weekend.  Filled in all the holes, graded, seeded and put down straw.  I did not want to leave a yucky dog pen area for the landlord to take care of. (I'm just not that way)  Now the winds are spreading the straw from hell to breakfast.

For dinner tonight I gave a few different choices.  Let me now what you would have picked.
A.  Fair Dogs.   which is Italian sausage grilled with sauteed onions and peppers.  just like the ones you get  
      at the fair.  Along with some french fries.
B.  Grilled pork tenderloin with a honey balsamic BBQ sauce served with fresh asparagus and a salad
C.  A caramelized onion panini with ham, smoked provolone and roasted tomato served with homemade
      mac and cheese with pan fried bacon bits.
D.  Penne pasta with grilled Italian sausage, basil tomato sauce and a fresh garden salad.
E.  Leftover meatball subs with pepperoni and mozzarella cheese.
I already know what the family picked lets see if your right.
Hey what can I say I love to cook and it makes my family happy.

Who else has an infestation of lady bugs in their house?  They drive me nuts.  I can never get rid of them.

Running outta stuff to blab about.  What's that?  Show us some more crazy pictures?


When they said Phil was a lefty I thought it meant something else.......



Pot heads!  ya gotta love em
YOU play fetch with him...I'm not!!






Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Top Ten and Did the Calf Make It?

Well it appears that most of my blog cohorts are weekday posters and I am a weekend poster. (my weekend starts on Thursday)  I just spent a considerable amount of time reading and laughing at everyones posts.  This one in particular struck me funny and you should give it a read.  Oilfield Trash over at Make Daddy A Sammich and his take on Nasa's Space Shuttles     Just think of the possibilities of having your own space shuttle.  (Should I capitalize space shuttle?  seems like a lot of money to be using small case)  Next...

I must say it's tough to try and post after reading a lot of blogs because your ideas tend to fade away and you start thinking of everybody else's post.  Gonna have to walk away.  Put down the keyboard and have a beer before someone starts accusing you of piggy backing them.  Hang tight gettin' a beer.

I'm back.  I really did go get one.  Tonight's feature is a Smithwicks.  Reportedly Ireland's oldest ale.  Brewing from way back in 1710.  It is a great beer.  I don't know any Irish folk that actually oh wait yes I do.  Never mind.  If you know any Irish folk ask them if the label on me beer is true.  I be thankin' ya.  Next..

I have this great story from work today.  It's a bit grotesque but hang in there I'll keep it fairly clean.
So were sitting there at lunch discussing all the important things in life like...The Redwings, fishing, hunting, beer, liquor, dogs, beer, food, horse racing (not really) more beer and occasionally dirty things.  Hey I said I was gonna keep it clean so use your own imagination.  I can't do all the work.  There is 4 of us sitting there when 'ol Jethro (Eric) appears.  He was out early from the defense vehicle plant and stopped to say whad up.
Porkchop asks him how his cows are doing? (Duh we call him Jethro)  he proceeds to tell us that, "ol Bessie  got preggers and she done had a stillborn calf and it wouldn't come out.  So he had to wait a couple weeks and finally the Dr come by and shooted her up wit dis needle thing and she started bellering and hollering and nex thing ya know there was dis head and foot coming out the back side of 'ol Bessie and it weren't looking real good.  The smell was sumpin awful.  We tied up a rope on that there dead calf's neck and started pulling.  The meat was all rotted off the head and you could hear them bones a crackin'.  We pulled on that rope till that dead un fell out and hit the ground with a sloppy thud.  I was gagging and losin' ma lunch cuz I ain't never smelled no stuff like that there.  That thing's back legs was all rotted and no meat",  and on and on and on it went.

So were all sitting there and half gagging with him as he tells his story and when he finishes and the last of our retching sounds and the oh my gosh comments are over, our plumbing department leader Tony looks up out of his daze square at Jethro and asks him, with all sincerity, " Did the calf make it?"
Now I know you weren't there but this story went on for about 3 minutes and was loud and we were all ohhong and ahhing and gagging.  There was no way in hell he didn't....well whatever it was flat out crazy.  So for the rest of the day whenever we were around one of the lunch group the question was, " Did the calf make it?"  Next....

So for an update on the house.........The selling bank has the permit for the septic replacement.  Apparently they have to give it to the county (which is where the damn thing came from) and the county will have an engineer draw up the plans for the new system and it's location.  Then I have to review the blueprint and OK it.  Then they will get bids and ultimately replace the system.  Our new closing date is April 26th. (extended)
This is what the selling bank asked for.  I don't think they can get er done in that time frame.  The original was April 11th.  So I don't know about you but I work hand in hand with a bunch of engineers and nothing comes quick.  At least where I work.  So I'll probably have to fight with the landlord over May rent.  Pay the whole thing?  Pay half? Day by Day? Weekly?  It's not his fault and I don't want to screw him over but I don't want to pay anymore than I have to.
I did not want to be here in May.  There was a fighting chance that I would be able to get a garden in the ground at the new place but now......whatever life's a bitch but I deal with it.  I'm in it to win like Yzerman, can drink about 15 Heineken!!!  Next....

I've been gone all week I have plenty to talk about.  Problem is most of it just flat out sucks.  Let me do it Bruce style  with a bit of change so I don't word for word the poor guy!

What's new this week?

#1 New bonus program at work. (see video of horse having sex with woman)

#2 Director of fire truck manufacturing resigns (what the heck does he know that we don't)

#3 House closing delayed yet again ( stuck in house buying purgatory)

#4 Price of gas up to $5 a gallon (thank goodness I only live..who the frick cares $5bucks a gallon?)

#5 I'm down 3 beers (that means 3 to go)

#6 Car makes big clunking noise when I turn (11 yrs old but I can't buy new one till out of house purgatory)

#7 Had to start digging in packed boxes to find things I need ( Stupid, Stupid overzealous me)

#8 Running out of things to list  (thank goodness cuz I have to pee)

#9 Did the calf live?  ( sorry it's still too funny to let go)

#10 There is no # 10 ( next)

Thanks to Bruce for letting me steal his line up thinga ma jig.  Actually I didn't ask but I gave credit so I'm sure were good.

Last but not least (well maybe least)

Simple is as Simple does!!

Lets not forget a couple pictures. 

Your mine!!!


Is that Stephen King?  I'm sure of it.  No wonder why he could write the greatest horror stories ever!


Why I don't play tennis  (TFG)




Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Peeing on the Neighbors

Salutations my friends and you too!  Ouch that was mean.  Sorry should have left that for the other blog. (snicker) 
This morning is well under way now.  It started in the dark recess of our bedroom in the wee hours of the morning with mamma's phone emitting a loud beep to let her know she had a voice mail at 5:30 AM on a Sunday morning.  Well Big Brown Dog and Little Yellow Dog (creative nicknames huh?) were apparently a tad confused on the phone beep and the rooster crowing alarm clock and even though it was dark I could see them look at each other, tilting their heads this way and that discussing whether or not they should get up and the consensus was better safe than sorry, early bird gets the worm, better to ask forgiveness than permission and ultimately I have to go potty won over the debate.  The whining commenced.  Shocked as all get out Mamma rolled over and took the mutts downstairs for food and a potty break.  I think she knew I would be whining myself about the overlooked volume control on the phone/email gadget.
So puppies were fed and I lay there in bed, slightly comfortable.  Well aware that it was early and there was a slim chance on recovering just a wee bit of sleep from this morning's musical entourage.  Not to be left alone the mutts decided as well they had better return to the slobbering state of slumber they call sleep.
Did they really have to pick my legs as a place to do it?  So I kick 'em off the bed.  I swear they were only on the floor for a nanosecond.  They're like a couple of pogo dogs.  BOING!! back up on the bed.
We repeated this several times until I finally gave in. (they knew the whole time) and let them "snuggle" in between mamma and I.  I close my eyes, take a deep breath and........Mrs Beeping Email Alert, next to me, opens up with her snarkle, grunt, raucous snoring debut of the week.  Oh the joys!
By now it's breaking daylight and I'm fully awake.  The dogs pretend to be sleeping but don't move or they will launch their version of bed Twister on you.  Screw it!! I'm up!  Let the day begin.
So we go downstairs and the dogs jump up on the couch and go to sleep.  Hmmm.....little &%$#@

Now here I sit and you have just read all about my first two hours of the day.  Interesting? Yeah didn't think so but I didn't tell you to sit there and read.  Now go get a cup of coffee and come back and I 'll tell you what I did yesterday.

Hey!!  Hey!!!  HEEEEEYYYY  I said come back dammit!
Thank you.

Not much actually.  We went into Lansing and picked up a bunch of new stuff for the new kitchen.  I finally purchased a nice stand mixer.  Boy they don't give those away do they?  That's like half a weeks wages just to make crepes and cupcakes.  Oh well.  I also picked up a new pot and pan set.  This was a Paula Dean ensemble.  If you don't know who Paula Dean is then it's likely your arteries are still in good shape.  She is a famous Southern cook who loves butter, fat and all things "unhealthy".  I put that in marks because it's really how you look at it.  It makes me happy so it's healthy for the mind right?  We also grabbed some new plates and bowls and various other mixing, mashing and serving utensils. 
After filibustering with money instead of words we headed off to the big box home improvement store.
And because I paid them and they didn't pay me there name shall remain a secret.
I had to install a overflow protection pipe on the water heater at the new house so I needed some pipe.
(insert joke here) I picked up a 3/4 coupling and a 5' chunk of CPVC.  All I had to do was screw the coupling into the relief valve already on the water heater and glue on the correct length of pipe.  Otherwise they wouldn't finance the house.  We also had to scrape and paint some area of exterior trim but if you read this blog you already know that.  I picked up a new screen door latch as well because the previous owners just let their door swing free in the wind because the latch was broke.  It punctured the aluminum siding and I wasn't having any of that crap.  So for a whopping $8 I changed the handle and now we have a perfectly functioning door.  A couple of the neighbors came out to gawk.  I waved and they returned the gesture.
They look like retirees.  Both houses to the North of me.  They must have seen the activity and teamed up in the one guy's front yard to evaluate the situation.  By teaming up they presented a bigger and much more menacing figure than by standing alone.  This should have made me more cautious and well aware of their territory and their blue hair-em.  (snicker)  It didn't.  Soon I will introduce myself.  I will make it apparent who is now in charge of the area and I will pee on the corner of their garage to prove it.
Nah I'm just kidding I'm gonna pee on the front porch!!! LOL
OK long enough post.  Thanks for stopping by and remember Simple Silly Stunts Save Snails
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
It seems as though I can't even blog alone!

Friday, April 8, 2011

When the Moment is Right (and other stupid stuff)

Good morning and welcome to the Friday edition of A Simple Life.  A blog about anything that happens to cross my mind at the moment my fingers hit the keyboard.   I have an addiction to the people of Walmart, writing only the beginnings of short stories, taking pictures of my dogs and my garden and a bunch of other stupid shit that nobody really cares about but me.  That's why it's my blog and not yours jerkwad!

Yesterday I posted about some new beer I tried.  The New Holland Brewery in Michigan has an oatmeal stout called the Poet.  I drank 4.  Back to back to... well you get the idea.  4 beers doesn't sound too bad does it.  I mean I poured them in a glass so that slowed me down a bit but after only 4 I had one hell of a buzz.  Enough that I drank no more.  So I got up this morning and looked at one of the 4 empty bottles on the counter and discovered that the alcohol content was almost 6%.  That explains it.  It was more like drinking 7 or 8 regular beers.  oops!  Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that but I get hangovers very easy.  One more of those I probably would have had a headache this morning.  It sucks getting older.  You start to understand your weakness and vulnerabilities.  I did not smoke my cigar either.
I figured after working all day and kinda being tired the moment wasn't right. 
Funny thought just occurred in my crazy brain.  Picture this.....Me popping a pill when the moment is right (Cialis) but instead of boning the old lady I get in my bathtub, which is conveniently located outside on the lawn with beautiful panoramic views of the countryside, light a fat cigar and pour a glass of beer.  Yep now the moment is right!! 
And on to bigger and lesser important things of a non combative nature!
The Killz paint I spoke of yesterday?  It was not for my ribs it was for the new house.  The appraiser was by and listed a few things he need fixed before the house was closed on.  The overflow on the water heater does not have an extension pipe leading to the floor.  I need to install a fitting and chunk of copper.  No big deal.  There is also some peeling paint on the exterior door trim and around the garage area he wants scraped and painted.  Hence the Killz.  It's white pigmented so it will match the existing paint color.  I Simply just want to do the areas that need it and I figured the Killz would seal it and prime it for a future paint job when the temps are better and a thorough and complete job can be done.  Problem is it's raining right now.  Bitches!!!!
Oh well I'll do the pipe today and check on the house and make sure everything is still cool.
The selling bank has procured permits and is currently getting estimates to install a new raised bed septic system on the property and our closing date has now been pushed ahead to April 26th.  The frost laws have been removed in this area so excavation and what not can occur any time now.  I may have a new system before we move in.  That would be nice. 
One more thing before I go.  My post the other day on Dirty Chuck .  I got a lot of feedback on how the crossed out names and words were still readable.  OK I will spell it out for you.  It is sort of like blogger sarcasm.  You type a word, cross it out, and replace it with something more politically correct.  It is supposed to be funny in a way.  Being a smart ass in type I guess.  Understand now you jackasses  Got it my friends?
By the way, was that you I saw the other day at the store?  Couldn't tell but those looked like your boots!


I have a new blog kicking as well.  It's a say what you mean and kiss my ass if you don't like it type of blog.
It's for selected members only.  If you want in let me know and I'll forward you the address.
If your request the address and I don't give it to you..your shit outta luck pal!!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Cuban Cigars and a Fruit Station!

Happy Thirsty Thursday my friends.  I accidentally fell out of work an hour early today. (snicker)  I went to the store for some beer and also grabbed a slab of baby backs that were on sale and a pint of Killz.
I came home, drank all the beer, covered the ribs with Killz and ate them raw.   THE END!
Or not.....
I picked up 2 six packs.  One is a trusty Leinenkugels in Creamy Dark and the other is called The Poet which is an oatmeal stout from Holland Mi.  Bruce told me had been drinking an oatmeal stout from his neck of the woods and this may be it.  It's good.  Has the nice thick head that I like.  The foam sticks to the side of the glass and does not slide back into the beer.  Smooth, creamy texture with a robust flavor of toasted oats.  I really like the toasty, creamy, super dark beers.  # 2 is on the way to belly land.

My co worker Frank (Sr. Guacamole from Peso City) just returned from a trip to Aruba and he brought me back a true Cuban Cigar.  If you don't know,  I love a good cigar.  I was a pretty frequent smoker until we had to start saving our pesos for a house.  I gave up my hobby for the time being.  Frank also liked a fino once in awhile and he was well aware of my sport.  So he smuggled one through customs just for me.
I may smoke it tonight or I may wait until tomorrow.  One way or the other I'm gonna fire it up.
Both my Humidors have been empty for months now and it's a sad sight.  I quit cigarette smoking about 4 years ago give or take but I didn't pick up cigars as a replacement I was always interested in cigars.  Didn't know anything about them until my dear wife purchased a sampler pack for me.  There was an add in a outdoor magazine for cigars and I left it open to that page and propped on the counter for days.  (hint for Father's day) and one day she asked me what I wanted for Father's Day and I drug her butt over to the counter and casually nodded at the mag.  Ever since then I have been hooked.  Most of my knowledge is gained from the internet and any research I may do and some is from actually smoking them.  I used to have a cigar review blog but I quit that.  Should have kept it going but with no smoke...no blog!
It's the same way with wine for me.  I want to learn everything about it and try all kinds of wine.  I have sampled a few 20 or so varieties so far but my real interest lies in growing fruit and making wine.
I swear when I get my own house I will have my 1. mini brewery   2.  cigar lounge   3. wood shop.
I will also have a bitchin' garden and fruit "station" whatever that may be.
I want to be able to sit out on my awesome patio with a great cigar and perhaps a bottle of home brewed beer or a nice glass of wine or even a finger of golden Bourbon and just relax.
You know I didn't sit down to write out all my aspirations in life so I had better stop there.
The main thing is it's nothing crazy that I want.  It's not expensive.  There is no luxury tax involved.
I have spent the past 25 years yearning for something that  I would never get.  I no longer seek fortune and fame, power or greatness.  Just give me A Simple Life
I almost forgot the new blog site is up and running so if you want the address just let me know in the comment section and I'll get it to you.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dirty Chuck and the High Cost of this Low Living!


Tuesday at work has come and went
My body has fuel but my minds all spent

I don't know what the heck that is supposed to mean.  It's my lazy version of poetry.  2 lines and your done.
It really helps if it rhymes cuz otherwise people just think your freaking loony! 

No, really were a little slow at work.  We are building half the firetrucks that we were this time last year.  Granted we have half the work force now but there is still some time for gaffing, guffawing and plain old goofing around.  I really need to start carrying a pad of paper in my pocket because as I wander around the shop floor checking every one's work and more or less keeping things in line I get into some of the strangest conversations.  Bitch of it is I forget them by the time I get home.  It's not funny if you don't remember it.

Today we talked about stinky people and I remember the story only because I was in it.  No, not the stinky part either.  There is one person in particular that works for me us and his name is Chuck not important but he stinks.  He doesn't shower and wears the same clothes to work everyday.  He's rude, crude, crass and acts like an ass. (more poetry) We tease him but it does no good.  As long as you stay out of vermin jumping range I guess your OK.
Anyways the story goes like this:

I'm sitting in the Dr. office one Friday (we don't work Friday unless OT)  quietly, reading a magazine about how squirrels can find their way into any bird feeder if given enough time and the door, literally, busts open (thank goodness no one was standing there) and in bursts Chuck he who shall remain nameless.
It's too late to hide my face behind the magazine because he startled me with the slamming of the door and the squirrels and bird feeders are now face down in my lap so I have to acknowledge him and I say, " hi".  He nods and then walks right thru the door (without checking in) and into the back where all the Dr stuff happens.  Shortly thereafter his spouse walks through the door (now slightly askew from being beat open) and follows directly in the same scent  line of direction.  Neither person consulting the receptionist at all.
So I'm sitting there with this dumbfounded look on my face, not because of the door damage or the receptionist or even the squirrels and their hilarious antics of bird feeder mastery but for the simple fact that
Chuck stinky has the same damn clothes on that he had on Thursday at work.  I could still see the fresh, red grease on his trousers.  Sitting there with my mouth still agape, along with about 4 other patrons, wondering what in the hell is wrong with this guy, he busts out of the door he just disappeared behind moments ago with an armload of sample drugs just smiling his toothless grin. 
I don't know why I spoke and I apologize to the other patrons of this establishment but I just had to inquire.  I ask," what are you here for?"  He replies, none too softly, "My wife's hoochie is messed up and she needs some vag creams and I thought I would get some more free blood pressure stuff".
I was speechless and somehow stammered out something about OK see you at work on Monday and when I looked around at the other shocked members of this audience I could see that their squirrels and bird feeders were face down in their lap as well.  The pair eventually made their way from the office.. without removing the door fully from it's hinges and I sat there wondering...... I come here to get healthy?

Well it just so happens that his Dr moved from the practice and the door was fixed so I didn't have to change my Dr just to get out of his building.  So that was my story for today.  I hope you enjoyed it and I wish I could post a picture of ol' nameless but I suppose I could get in trouble for that but have you ever seen the pic of the guy that can pull his lower lip up over his nose and sort of has a Popeye look.  Yeah that's him!

I also have figured out a new name for my blog.  I think I'm going to title it:
"The High Cost of this Low Living"
Let me know what you think.
Have a great Tuesday and I'll see ya on thirsty Thursday!!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

A New Award




Or maybe I should have titled it An Award.  The other way makes it sound like I already have one.
NOT!! 
I received this Versatile Blogger Award fromBruce at Just Another Day in Paradise.
He has a couple great blogs I follow and I must admit I'm sort of a picky follower.  It's not that I think I'm better I just get bored really easy and I can usually tell if I'm gonna like a blog in the first two paragraphs.  I'm also really lazy on the computer.  I think my hard drive has more viruses than Charlie Sheen's old wiener.  Yeah if you didn't know it he had a wiener replacement.  I looked into it.  Way too expensive.  Just a one inch extension costs around ten grand.  Ten grand is all I have and three inches is not gonna cut it people.  OK how the hell...oh yeah my hard drive is really slow so sometimes I just get frustrated trying to look at alot of other sites.  I will try harder from now on.
So I'm pretty stoked about this award.  I'm not sure what I'm even gonna do with it.  Shit hang on the dogs chewing on it. "Remmi NO, NO DROP IT, DROP IT"
OK got it back.  Little drooly but otherwise OK.
I guess your supposed to tell 7 things about yourself when you get this.  Hope I'm not screwing up protocol.

1. I started blogging to simply keep a journal of my life.  I had never heard of blogging before.
2. I drive like a blue hair grandma.  (just never in a hurry I guess and have you seen the price of fuel?)
3. My story Jap Juice is based on a barrel of chemicals I broke open when I was a kid. (Gramps was pissd)
4. The only reason I fish is because I want to eat them.
5. I once stold a gallon jug of Tide detergent and traded it for beer. (I miss high school)
6. I went to games 1 and 2 of the World Series at Comerica Park, Detroit.  My bro and I drank alot of
    beer and in the middle of the night he wrote BALLS on my forehead and I answered the room service 
    call the next morning in my shorts with that still on my forehead.  It's funny now.
7. I miss having my Dad around to chum with.  Stupid Florida!

Well that about does it.  2 posts in one day is way too much for my lazy butt.  Thanks again everyone who reads and remember.  Keep it Simple!!

Sunday Salutations and Fire Trucks!

Good morning fellow humankind and you too Tucker!
Not much this morning.  Woke up to a beautiful sunrise which has all been filled with clouds now but have a look....

It was a little chilly outside but not too bad about 28 degrees.  The dogs wanted to run a bit and stretch their sleepy muscles so I threw the ball for a bit.  Just a bit like I said it was 28.
Attending a birthday party for the Mother in Law today.  She is 60.  Happy Birthday Rose.
Their is about 30 or so people attending and I am making a pork tenderloin dish while my sister in law is making lasagna.  I thought I would pair the tenderloin with her lasagna by giving it some Italian subtleties.
I am going to rub it down (giggity) with roasted garlic and crust it with pepper and rosemary and grill them.  Then I am going to make a balsamic and BBQ reduction to sauce it with.  Should be yummy.

For the rest of the morning I need to plan my meals for the rest of the week so I can do some grocery shopping.  Our oven just broke and the bake part doesn't work only the broil so I have to work around that.
Then it's back to work Monday.  6:00-4:15. 

What do I do for a living?  I'll show you.
I build custom firetrucks.  Our company builds the cab and chassis part and then they go all over the world to have their bodies installed.  Everything from an ambulance style for Miami Dade Fire Department, a pumper truck for Chicago FD or a giant ladder truck for Minneapolis.  We ship anywhere from China, Canada, South America, Germany to every state in the US including Hawaii.
My part includes leading a crew of people in
Building the engines

Building up the radiators

Installing the engines and the radiators in the chassis


I also am in charge of installing the transmission cooling package as well as the exhaust systems.
Our new 2010 emissions package leaves almost a zero carbon footprint.  Very advanced.
Last but not least I oversee the pairing of cab to chassis.  We have people come from all over to watch their cab being set on their chassis.  I love watching them stand there and take pictures an ooo and ahhh over their new fire truck.

So that's what I do for a living.  It's a great job and I'm pretty proud of it!!
Check us out on the web.  We not only build firetrucks but defense vehicles, motor home chassis and much more.