If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Moving Day!


The box was heavy and my fingers were weakening.  Desperately I hurried through the labyrinth of boxes, piles of clothes and of course two dogs who were despondent to any harsh commands and just barely aware of the sharp toe of a sneaker.  I wasn't going to make it and the contents of the box would spill all over the wet deck and the walnut husk stained, concrete driveway.  The trailer was in sight, the rusty chunk of metal that passed for a fender was more like an oasis in the middle of the desert.  Almost, almost there and then they let go,  in a wink 7 or 8 yrs of my life spilled from my exhausted hands, fluttering past my cranky knees and sprawled themselves all over the ground soaking up the rain from the recently passing shower.
The only memories of my childhood lay in puddles of rain and in slow motion I watched as my 6 yr old face warped and turned purple as the photo absorbed the rain drops which now looked like millions of little soldiers sent to kill off any residual recollections I may have had from my early years. 
Gone, all gone.  My reflexes made a feeble attempt at a capture, however they are weak and slow from the countless stairs and boxes upon boxes and that horrible hide a bed.  I manage to only snag a progress report from the 3rd grade.  "Jeffrey is making improvements rapidly, soon he will be able make coherent sounds and possibly put his jacket on right side out." 
Humpfff!  I let that one fall back with the others.  Damn childhood anyways!

Hey there and welcome to Sunday Salutations!
I am currently typing from a house that is about 99% empty.  The clicks and clacks of the keyboard are resonating against the walls and echoing throughout the lower level of the house.  It sounds very cold.
The only things left are cobwebs in the corners clinging to their footholds as they have for awhile now.  Secretly hoping we won't see them and whisk them away with the broom. 
My computer station is devoid of any printer and all my little post it notes with a hundred recipes scattered all over the station are now packed away.  Should I choose to write down any notes I will have to do it in blood, on the wall, using an empty tube of Chapstick and a missed push pin with a blue head on it.

The windows are stark naked and add to the "medicinal" qualities of the empty house. 
The rooms that once held piles of teenage attire and that unmistakable smell of adolescence are vacant and now lifeless.  All those times I told them to clean their rooms and what I wouldn't give to have them "dirty" just once more.  For old time's sake.

The joys of moving.  I really didn't drop any boxes it was just a bit of writing to catch your attention.  We managed to get almost everything moved into storage yesterday.  Friday was spent packing and boxing and Saturday the muscle moved in.  A big thanks to friends and family for all their help.  From storage space to tandem axle trailers, pick up trucks and plain old grit and determination we knocked the tar out of this place.
Wonderful people you are!

As much as I have grown to detest this place and namely the proprietor of this rental, there is a lot of memories in these rooms and on this quaint little 2 acres.  It is sad to leave in this state of mind.
I just keep looking forward and am extremely eager to start new memories in a new house.  God willing that we are fortunate enough to make that happen and not be stuck in house purgatory all summer!

On a side note I have found a way to get my comments out for now anyways.  I had to uncheck the keep me signed in box on the account sign in page and that allowed me to leave comments on your posts.

The computer will be shut down momentarily however our friend is a computer guru at Michigan State University so I'm thinking it won't be long before I am up and running again. 
Have a safe and happy Memorial Weekend and we'll talk soon!
Cheers!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten

Well my friends today is a sad day in my world.  We have made up our mind to move out.  We will store our stuff and remain with friends or relatives until our house is ready.  Never thought it would come to this.  My heart is breaking and I feel very alone.  I have  a wife and two children and two dogs and two cats and wait a dang minute shouldn't I have two wives as well?  Nevertheless I must pick up and roll on down the road.

In case you are new we are in the process of buying a house and our landlord decided he didn't want to wait and rented the house out from under us.  We have rented from him for 6 years and have been great tenants but....damn landlords anyways.  So time is up and sure I could force him to evict us but in the end my conscious and my heart would nag me.  We all grow up with the words in our heads that ''2 wrongs don't make a right."  As much as I would like to destroy the house what would I gain?  Nothing.
So from this post on you shall never hear of this again.

Now for the good stuff.  My beer of choice this week is Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat (shocker)
I live in a fairly small town and getting many choices of beer is difficult at best so I stick with what I know.
I also picked up a 6 of the 1888 Bock and I believe I have singlehandledly removed the brand from this town.  Now I have none left.  I did share 4 of the 12 so 8 is my magic number for the night and I am pleasantly numb.  I still have a little Jack in the freeze and some home brew in the fridge but I think I'm good for tonight.  Just enjoying the numbness for a bit.  I see how those folks get hooked on the heroin and what not.  Your world turns South and someone says hit this it'll make it better and you do, and it does.
I don't have any experience in the drug world other than a few mega tons of beer but in the end it all works temporarily.  But I quit early knowing full well of the pain it would bring in the morning.

My top ten this week may not even make it to ten and I apologize because...... well just because.

#1  Holiday weekend    (too bad I have to spend it moving)
#2  Moving out of the house   (too bad it's a holiday weekend)
#3  Girls varsity soccer is headed for districts    (great season so far)
#4  Tomorrow is Baby Joe Joe's last day of high school    (holy shit where did time go and why is he
       spending all of my money)
#5  Have decided to hold Kaitlin back in school for the next 5 years   (duh I can't afford two college
       educations at once)
# 6  I can't believe I have made it to # 6     (yep my week has been a shitty one)
#7  I received a copy of the bids for the septic $12K-$14K  ( one bid calls for 600 cubic yards of dirt)
#8  This may be my last top ten for awhile   (thirsty Thursday is always there I just might not share it)
#9  Welcome Bouncin' Barb I am very glad to have you as a friend.  (bear with me)
#10  Last but not least I may have to take a reprieve from blog land due to the fact that I have no idea where
        I am living come next Thursday so don't forget me I will be back someday just don't know when.

To all my friend, family and stalkers,
It has been a real pleasure writing here and enjoying yours as well.  I never would have thought I would look forward to running home to sit in front of the computer.  You are all very precious to me.
I know that's sappy but hey screw it.....it's true!

And with my good timing my commenter was broke for awhile so no comments from me.  I think others had the same problem.  I'll be back God willing and in the mean time just be yourself so I know where to look when I come back. 
Goodbye for now friends!!

-Bushman

I'm only beautiful when your drunk....c'mon drink up!!

ps my blogger is still broke and I can't even follow anyone.  Sorry Barb I'll get there!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Golf Sex!

Good morning and welcome to Sunday Salutations where most everything is boring and causes sharp pains to course up and down your sciatica.  Oh wait a minute that's my computer chair!

I woke up this morning a bit stiff.......wait for it.....no really I'm too old for that now.  This was from moving a few things out of the barn and the wood shop yesterday.

I was able to drag the duck boat out of the barn (which called for unloading giant bags of goose and duck decoys from it) and flip it upside down on top of the camper.  Then I filled the back of the truck with all the decoys and some other misc. hunting equipment.  All of this went to my friend Mike's house who happens to live about 4 miles down the road from my new house.  I didn't realize the houses were that close.

After that my other friend Tony dropped off a trailer next to the wood shop and told me to fill it and call him when it was full and he would tow it over to Mike's house for me.  So I did and he did.  He wouldn't let me give him any gas money.  He said just buy a six pack when were done.  I did.  We drank it.

So now the only things I have left outside of the house are my smoker and one work bench.
I have some other things but they are either getting burned, given away or junked.

It really lifted my spirits having a couple friends step up to the plate when your in the shit.  It really shows who your real friends are. 

Today the skies are blue and I feel good.  Jesus didn't show up at the house last night and by no means am I mocking him or his buds.  I think he's probably a bit busy right now and doesn't have time for earth ending activities.  Fine by me. 
Did I think the rapture was coming yesterday?  No not really.  Did I poke fun at it.  Heck no I'm way too superstitious for crap like that.  Sometimes my knuckles are all bruised from so much knocking on wood.
(insert hairy masturbatory joke here) 
The way I see it is ages ago people were killing the shit out of each other.  Death,murder and torture were a way of life, disease was rampant, children were forced to work in factories, people threw their poop in the street for Pete's sake.  (don't ask what Pete has to do with it)
I'm not saying this doesn't happen anymore but it is a far better world then it was back then.  If the rapture and the end of the world was gonna come I would've guessed it would have been in a time like that not this.
Sure were cutting down all the trees and polluting the oceans but were doing less of that now.   Our world is on the turn around ( I believe).  We'll be alright.  We should just try a little harder.  Be a little greener.  Be just a bit more friendly.  Start a new political party called the Republicrats.  They take care of the grass on both sides of the fence and maybe if were lucky run the weed whipper as well.

So I wonder just how busy was Branson Missouri anyways?  We used to have some neighbors that were pretty religious and they moved to Branson back in the 80's because that is where the rapture was going to start and they wanted to be first.  Good luck old neighbors.

So anyways I was sitting here typing and I looked down and a noticed something stuck under the keyboard and I pulled it out.  My keno "notes".  Hah it's the gift that keeps on giving.

As momma and I were at the table having dinner the other night and waiting for her friends to show up somehow we ended up talking about sex or golf or perhaps it was a combination of the two.
So I opened up my big mouth and said, "Golf is like sex, you don't have to be good at it to enjoy it".
She immediately responds (cunning little byatch), " Yeah but it would be nice if you could hit par once in awhile".  Ouch!  Of course it stung a bit but she can't hold a candle to my sharp wit and dirty perverted mind so I calmly responded, "I could if the damn greens weren't all dried up."  (Rim shot)

So I was gonna rent a movie but it looks like Harry Potter and the Bucket of KFC was already taken!

Later folks!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Old Friends and Chicken Ass Cheeks!


Where do I begin?
I suppose I'll start with how my day went on Friday.  In case you didn't know I work 4 tens and Friday is FO day.  (You can ascertain your own words for my abbreviations)
  I didn't want to cut the grass because I just don't care anymore  because it was too wet.  So I laid on the couch and tried to watch Keanno Reeves in The Day The Earth Stood Still.  It wasn't happening.  How threatening is a giant Oscar award anyways?  Or is it an Emmy? 
So instead I stared at the wall.  It did nothing.  So I posted on Facebook.  About the wall.  It still hasn't moved.  Then I get an e-mail from Momma about maybe meeting some of her high school friends for drinks later.  I heard drinks, the rest was inconsequential.  So after running around a bit and getting her phone back from Baby Joe Joe (no more sexting) we headed to the infamous Joe's Gizzard City.  The one seen on the Food Network featuring Guy Fierri.  Diners, Drive Ins and Dives.  I've posted about this before.
We sat down and as luck would have it (or fate) beer of the month happened to be Leinenkugels 1888 Bock on tap!  I'm starting to wonder about this whole seasonal thing.  Perhaps my wife is in cahoots with the brewery to keep me sober.  However tonight she is powerless over my desire to swill down a few quarts of the beautiful beer.  Yes they serve it in mason jars.  Of course I had to have some gizzards or as one of the people at the table so eloquently named them "Chicken Ass Cheeks".  No they are not part of the chicken's ass.  The taint? Perhaps.  Not sure. I tried the new Chile Lime flavor with a sweet habenero sauce.  They were good!

Momma's friends arrived precisely 15 minutes after stated arrival time which gave me time for another quart.  (More like a pint I had just finished dinner)
After all the hugs and howyabeens and high pitched willie nillies they all settled in and the fun began.
Momma comes from a small town where everyone knows everybody.  The graduating class was like 65 people.  I often joke with her about having her class reunion at our house (in the living room)

They all had a great time and I managed to scribble down a few notes on some of their stories.  Of course this was many pints and quarts into the evening and justified as I was on trying to take notes (because I knew I would forget) I was using a keno slip and a short wooden pencil that was too cheap to acknowledge that it should have a proper eraser on it.  So when I awoke this morning and withdrew the crumpled keno slip from my jeans pocket (anticipating the greatest stories to ever cross my keyboard) I was slightly taken aback.  Who in the hell got a hold of my "notes" because the crap I was reading didn't make any sense at all.
The funny things you do when drunk!  That's OK because I remember some of it and a couple letters made their way through the jumble of 4 spot game and this play list is not a valid receipt.  Things like Chicken Ass Cheeks. 
One particular story was about one of the girls getting drunk and the rest of the group carried her to a pick up truck and laid her out in the bed of the truck and returned to partying.  When the party was over they left and just happened to forget she was back there and decided to do a little drag racing.  Head to head they raced down the road and when they crossed the finish line he slammed on the brakes only to be rewarded with a giant thud from the back of the truck.  A quick glimpse through the back window showed poor drunk girl wadded up in the front of the bed of the pick up.  She ended up getting sick and retched all over the back of the truck and herself so what else you gonna do but take her and the truck up to the quarter car wash and rinse 'em both off.  (you can't make this up people)

Stories like these kept us laughing well into the night.  As with anything the good times must end.  Momma and Baby Joe Joe had to be at the University at 9am this morning so we had to call it quits and head home.  Of course with Momma having plans she stayed sober and drove which allowed me to..........Ps and Qs!

So we had a great time and it was nice to see all the people she grew up with.  I must admit I expected more overalls and straw hats.  Perhaps even a Dale Sr. T shirt and instead Joe's Gizzard City served (what I expect) their first ever Cosmopolitan!  My oh my how fast we grow up!  20 long years have separated these girls and it was nice to see them together again. 


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten

Hello and welcome again to Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten.

Don't forget to check out my post of the week to the right>>>>>>>>>>>>

First off thank you Oil for my new awards:
I will deal with these on my Friday or Saturday post.
















Today I pulled the funniest prank all year!  Well I don't know if it was so much of a prank as a mind grenade.
It went something like this:
I call my wife everyday at lunch.  We catch up on schedules, games, dinner, needs, wants and occasionally she bitches at me.  Duhhh I said wife didn't I?
Anyways she tells me not to bother calling her on her cell phone because she let Baby Joe Joe take it because his was water damaged or non functioning I didn't really hear that part because I was already scheming.  I told her of my disastrous plans and she insisted that I did not follow through with the before mentioned ideas under penalty of no sex.....duhhh I said wife....what kind of threat is that?
I quickly told her I was losing signal and did the whole eh ..uh..bit...kin...home thing with the phone as she threatened me through the ear piece.  beep.  I hung up on her.  I lost signal. 

I then proceeded to my text messaging file wherein I created a message that went exactly like this....

Hey baby!  No kids tonight.  Do you wanna get kinky?  Perhaps we can do the whole Dr. Nurse thing again.

My finger hovered over the send button just as Bill Clinton would hover over his Big Mac and amidst the threats of celibacy I just couldn't help myself.  Beep.

Done.  I giggled.  The I laughed.  Then I ran over to my co workers and spread the joy!  Oh what fun!
I can just see the look on Baby Joe Joe's face.

Wasn't long after that I received a text from wife's phone saying, "Jeff this is Joe".   I sent back a simple "oops!" and left it at that.   Few minutes later I get the " ha ha, you thought I was Mom and you didn't know I had her phone Ha ha".   Plan executed.  He has no idea I did that on purpose and now I can embarrass the hell out of him whenever I get the chance.  I'll have plenty of time seeings I won't be having sex any time soon!  Oh Dr!

On to the Thirsty part of this Thursday post.
Today my beer of choice is.....Home brewed unfiltered wheat beer!  Given to me from a friend at work.  He only told me that it is some kind of wheat beer.  I do know it has a very creamy head, a rich golden ruby color and is very cloudy.  The taste I would say is reminiscent of something like a Sam Adams Irish Red with great after notes of hops.  I'm not sure about the whole wheat thing.  I don't detect any wheat.  However I really like the beer.  He doesn't like it.  Win Win!  (I also have a back up of Leinenkugels 1888 Bock which is my all time favorite.  The local IGA still has it in stock even though it is seasonal. )

Now for my Top Ten.  The good and the bad from my week you decide which is which!

#1  Waiting on one more bid for the septic replacement.  (then they send to the bank for approval)
#2  I received two more awards this week from Oil Field Trash at Make Daddy A Sammich
#3  It finally quit raining   ( I was almost done with the ark too)
#4  My perennials are popping up nicely, hostas, astilbes, heliopsis etc..(too bad I'm digging them up and
        taking them with me when I move)
#5  I dug my Davey Dukes out of the closet  (they used to fit regular...but now I'm a fatty)
#6  Baby Joe Joe has a girlfriend   (time for the condom speech)
#7  Kaitlin has a boyfriend   (I'll kill her)
#8  Looks as if work schedule is picking back up late July   (nice easy summer for awhile)
#9  Morel mushroom season is in full swing here in Michigan.  (there is a fungus among us)
#10 We had Ethics training at work today.   ( I heard ethnics training so I wore my tribal colors for nothing)


That's all I have for now.  I am working on an award to give out.  A brand new one that no one has seen.  A pure mockery of this Thursday post.  I can be bribed with comments you know!

May the sun always shine on you....as long as your standing next to me!

-Bushman

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Wish in one hand and.....

I was gonna post yesterday but.....no who am I kidding I wasn't gonna post.  I read up on some blogs and commented here and there but I really had nothing in my brain desperately trying to make it out into public.  I quit trying to force it.  It just ends up reading hard and no one wants to read that crap.

When I originally started blogging I would just say what I did that day or take pictures of projects I was working on and post them step by step.  That made me happy!

In fact,  if you scroll back through my old stuff there is a photo workshop on things like skinning a deer, butchering a deermaking sausage sticks and summer sausage,   making goose jerky,   building a smoker ,  numerous cooking recipes and even things like cutting down a Christmas Tree

There's poems and short stories,  funny things,  bewildering things,  perhaps something special as well as some touchy thought provoking lectures.

It seems like I've lost my touch.  I spend most of my blogging time trying to get comments or awards or just trying to write as incredible as some of you do.

Who am I kidding though.  Well... apparently me for awhile.  I just want to get back to enjoying my blog and not making it seem like work.  It's easy to get wrapped up in this.

I apologize for all the ill wishes and rants dealing with my current situation.  I am sure it's getting very old. 
Sometimes I feel as though my spirit is just spread way too thin.  As Bilbo would say, " like not enough butter over too much bread".  I just feel airless.  Purposeless.  I'm afraid when the time comes I won't be able to get out of my funk and I will be stuck here with the hairballs under the TV stand that somehow elude the vacuum every time.  Forever lost in an eternity of self pity and doubt.  Wishing I had what the next person has and never being able to be complacent.  Always with the hand of judgement raised over my head without pity and without compassion. 

I long for the freedom of the woods and the babbling brooks, the soft nest of moss where I sit and read.
I dream of the Himalayas and the jungles of South America.  Yearn for the cafes of Italy and the warmth of the Caribbean.  The shadowed caverns of the Sonoma wine caves and the wide open spaces of the Wyoming prairie.

To once again stand upon those prairies, as I did many years ago, and gaze far into the endless horizon and inhale the aromas of wild flowers and sage.

To venture into the Californian valleys at the base of the Sierra Nevadas following the clear cold streams in search of the perfect fishing or swimming hole.  Gazing in wonder at the old log flumes zigzagging their way down the foothills.

Flying across the tundra of Northern Quebec awestruck by the beauty of humanless nature.  Then hiking into land where the ground is permanently frozen and nothing grows taller than a bush.  Watching endless herds of Caribou on their epic migrations.

Horse backing deep into the Selway Bitterroot range of the Rocky Mountains sandwiched between Montana and Idaho.  Absorbing the beauty of a mountain meadow with it's brilliant wild flowers and white birch.

I have done many of these things and they all call to me in one way or the other.  I don't know why I love the Himalayas and Mt Everest so much.  Perhaps that is where I am meant to die.  I would really love to visit Italy first though.  Perhaps Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty momma!

I suppose I had better just get back to work tomorrow and leave all the dreams to someone else. 

One day you wait and see.

I know your time is valuable but these links are precious to me.  Just have a peek at one or two and maybe then you'll understand just a bit more about me.

Thanks again fellow friends!


Remember look up!  My children are up there smiling at you!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Davey Dukes

Good Morning and Sunday Salutations to you.

Of course we have no internet service today. Why? The wind is blowing.

We have such awesome cable service that when the wind blows over 20 mph we lose service. Unfortunately that means the TV is out too. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the family is going to do. Oh my, without TV the world will surely end!

We did have some service for awhile. I was able to read up on some more posts and leave a few comments but not now. The wind is howling and the rain is coming in sideways. Gorgeous day out there. You got to love Michigan. Why just Thursday it was 87 degrees and I was sweating. I had the central air turned on in the house with an extra window air conditioner upstairs in the master bedroom.
(There is only one air duct upstairs and the insulation is mostly nonexistent unless you consider vinyl siding, drywall and paint as insulation)

Today I have the heat on. Go figure!

In lieu of the horrible weather I will traverse back in time to younger, sunny days when I was a teenage lad. I worked in a lawn care company. In a nutshell we cut your grass and plowed your snow. (Insert bush trimming joke here) Life was easy back then. Cut grass then go home and relax. No bills to speak of, unmarried and no children. Every cent I made was available for expenditure on any imaginable thing I could conceive of. Like an ATV, a tattoo, my first apartment, another tattoo, a new gun and a plethora of other worldly goods that would make any late teen and pre 20s kid happy.

Everyday we would show up to work, load up our mowers, our weed whips, gas cans, edger and what not and haul the gear to any number of local neighborhoods and commence our attack on the very defiant Kentucky Blue Grass, Dandelion and of course the inevitable yellow jackets. They lived in tiny holes in the ground and you only discovered them when you ran your mower over their home and they flew up your short stinging the beejesus out of your junk!

Bees, yellow jackets and hornets living in holes in the ground, in bushes and hiding in the cable boxes, they were all out to get you and get us they did. This brings me to the story of Dave and how I came to coin a phrase which I have used for many years. (I really don’t think I invented it but I had never heard it before then so….)

Dave was a………well to be nice he looked to be fresh out of rehab. Skin and bones, rotten teeth, uneducated, wife beating… well you know a typical resident of Pontiac Michigan. (People are afraid of Detroit only because they have never been to Pontiac)

I was being nice!

My father owned the lawn company and Dave came to work for us via my step sister. She thought Dave was incredibly handsome with his black teeth and thick glasses and his ribs showing under his wife beater t-shirt with the spaghetti stain on the front. So she married him and had a kid with him. So it automatically became Dad’s job to support them by employing Dave! That was how Dave came to work for us!

Now back to the bees…. bees and junk that is. Have you ever had a bee fly up your shorts? Try it some day, just find a hole in the ground, put on some baggy shorts and stand over the hole and stomp the ground with your foot. This way you can relate to the story herein.

Dave, being the very intelligent person that he was, figured out a way to keep the bees out of his junk.
Do you remember the little red or blue jogging shorts with the white stripe down the outside of the thigh? Well here is the trick: buy them two sizes too small and wear them while cutting grass. The high rise and tightness will keep any bees from flying up and attacking your precious junk.

There you have it………Davey Dukes!

Oh yes he wore them day in and day out even sometimes in the heat of July with his black Stryker shirt.
To Dave’s credit he no longer received bee stings on his junk. However the stares and finger pointing that was directed at him was incredible. (Though I don’t think he noticed) In spite of the immense constriction Dave was able to sire another offspring with his wife.

I haven’t seen Dave or that part of the old family in many years. Although at least once a summer I see someone jogging down the street in their Davey Dukes and I chuckle to myself.



Have a wonderful Sunday and if you’re looking for a pair of Dave Dukes try the local Goodwill store!

Although I did not have a picture of dear Dave I searched the archives of my Walmart file to bring you these endearing photos.  No need to say thank you! (here is a fork to gouge out your eyes)



   My Davey wears short shorts!!!!!!!


Saturday, May 14, 2011

More delayed posts!

Blogger is still down. It’s a sad state of affairs for me when blogger is down and I wonder what in the hell am I going to do now?

My morning routine has been altered. The stars are out of alignment now, the dogs are going to get fleas, I’ll start putting creamer in my coffee, my hair will finish turning grey and white by the end of the weekend and probably 4 flat tires on the boo!
Hah! What’s the worst that could happen? Eviction notice?
Yep I’m still chinning about that.

In response to a few comments I’ve received about the whole deal here are a few clarifications:
The landlord will not go month to month anymore because he has someone lined up to rent the house now and doesn’t want to take chances that another renter will be available when I finally do close on the house.

My take: For someone that has rented from him for over 5 yrs. now and never was late with rent. I took care of the house and property better than when he lived here. Fixed 99% of any problems that arose. Took care of his new house, landscaping, grass cutting, dog watching, livestock care, even fixed his kids cars and his truck. Grew a beautiful garden that his wife was allowed to pilfer whenever she wanted without any assistance through the growing season I might add. Remodeled his chicken coop complete with an automatic watering system and outdoor chicken yard, cleaned all the crap out of his barn and made it presentable. All at no charge because I thought we were friends. I even raised my own rent by a $100 because I thought it was fair. There is so much more it makes me sick. That is why I feel he owes me the time I need to move out. It’s not like I wasn’t going to pay him his rent.

Another question was about all the houses for sale and it seems like they would be throwing them at us.
My take: Around here there just isn’t a huge mass of homes in my price range and designated geographical location. Unless you want to live in town or you want to move into a craphole!

This is our third house we have signed papers for. The first one was a HUD home on 4 acres. It just had too many issues with it and this particular HUD home required a lot of money to get into. Plus it was a higher interest rate. I’m a little sad it didn’t pan out but with the problems that house had I’m not terribly upset. The second was a go but then we found out that FEMA had redrawn its flood maps and now this area was considered low risk flood zone. Well in order to get flood insurance the township has to sign up with FEMA and register for available flood insurance yada, yada, mumbo jumbo. The township was not registered so no flood insurance was available so of course there is no bank willing to finance without it. It will be a cash sale. The price has dropped from 100K to 60K already in just 4 months. The third and current home is a nice ranch on an acre in the country but the septic system needs replacing. In this county you can not transfer the title to a home without a pass from the well and septic inspector. So there is no way the bank can sell this home without the septic being replaced. It’s black and white. They are just dragging their feet because they are a bank and I believe it is BOA so that makes it worse.

Of course I could just drop this house and look for another but every time we try to buy a house it costs us $500 smackeroos. This is number three. I’m running out of smackeroos to just give to the appraisal people. Anyways by the time I found a house and actually closed on it the current deal would be done (I hope).

With the price of gas at an all time high we really need to stick to our game plan and have a centrally located home. The kids go to school in Grand Ledge which is about 15-18 miles away. The wife works in Okemos which is about 22 miles away and I work in Charlotte which is 0 miles away. The new house is almost smack dab in the middle of all three locations. Freeway access is within 4 minutes drive.

I could buy another house that is, according the bank, in my price range and be done with it but I do not want to be strapped to a mortgage payment. Bank says we qualify for up to around $225K.
This is hilarious because we wanted to buy at 120K or under. We wanted a low house payment, a moderately sized house and a bit of a yard. Joe will be heading to college in August; Kaitlin will be headed somewhere in 3 years. We don’t need a big house anymore.

The house we are buying now will have the same mortgage payment as our current rent. That includes taxes and insurance as well. Once the PMI disappears in a few years it’ll be cheaper than rent.

That will be all and thanks for tuning in. Maybe someday I will have something more interesting to post about. I sort of have tunnel vision right now.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten (delayed)

Hello and welcome to Thirsty Thursday and my top ten!


Blogger is down and out right now, probably ate the same crap from the lunch guy I did yesterday.

I swear every time I eat that guys food I get a bad stomach. The thing is he’s clever enough that I forget between purchases. See I take my lunch and my breakfast to work every day. Usually I eat a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch every morning at 9 o’ clock break. For lunch, generally leftovers from the previous nights dinners. Sometimes though I just don’t have any cereal or leftovers so I buy from the guy who shows up every day in the lunchroom festooned with all sorts of poisonous goodies. Yesterday I ordered the hamburger steak with gravy and mashed taters and apple sauce. Seemed to taste all right but 24 hours later look out! Same with the breakfast, I think the eggs are tainted. (Tainted eggs come from ...you guessed it the chicken taint.) Ewwww I just grossed myself out! So now I’m like,” I am not eating that crap again but in two months when I don’t have a lunch I’ll order and 24 hours later I will treat myself to a helluva good anal workout!



Enough about anal workouts it’s Thirsty Thursday. My beer for today I the wonderfully smooth and refreshing Rolling Rock! “From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe”! I picked this beer because it was hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon today and I just didn’t feel like anything heavy. However I did also pick up another green, six pack just in case my liver was altogether functioning to well! Say hello to my little Heineken! I do cherish Heinies and beer. My old friend Jerry and I used to cut a few lawns together as a side job and when we were finished we would head to his place for a couple’’ green beers’’ as we called them.

Well I’ve taken care of the thirsty part of the post shall we move on to my top ten. Good or bad you decide!

#1 Feels like summer has finally arrived (and with it dandelions, mosquitos and monkey butt)

#2 Apparently bids are in the process for the replacement of septic system on new house. (Will they be
      In time?)
#3 A couple new followers: Lori P.  and Mynx from her blog Dribble.  A really neat site.  While your there,  
     and you will go there because I said so, there is something else you might discover.  Perhaps another   
     blog.  My wife would love it!

#4 Haven’t spoke to my father in a couple weeks. (he says he’ll call me but he doesn’t)

#5  If #4 doesn’t guilt him into calling like he said he would then I will stop drinking beer forever or 3 seconds which ever comes first)

#6 With the advent of the hot humid weather, seriously reconsidering sweat absorbers for guys underwear. (Just cuz I got 2 legs doesn’t mean the Ts have to stick to separate legs, it’s hard to walk that way)

#7 Possible eviction notice from landlord forthcoming. (he says I have to sign a lease June 1st or…)

#8 My yellow dog has learned a new trick. (Shedding hair faster than a terrorist collecting on Osama’s life
      insurance claim)

#9 After 3 RRs I have a very nice glow. (Got to love hot humid weather and sweating your ba.…see #6)

#10 Last but never least my wife posted on Facebook about how she feels about landlord and she forgot she
       was friends with him and his wife! (Damn Facebook, really what is it good for?)


That was fun. Sometimes I have to really think hard about what has just transpired in the last 7 days.
Today it just poured from my head like condoms from Brittany Spears' purse.

I think I will create an award and title it Top Ten. Recipients will have to recreate my Thirsty Thursday posts and top ten in their style for 2 Thursdays in a row.

Now if I can remember to change my weekly blog post I’ll be doing well. ( I had good instead of well but MS says it should be well)

I’m working off of Microsoft Works right now. It hounds me constantly on misspelled words and run on sentences with these cursed squiggly lines. So red is misspelled and blue is what again? Of course green is like a prepositional cluster fuck but who really cares.

Here is something that bugs me. I watch chopped on the Food Network. I love that show it is pretty cool. They take whacky ingredients and put them in a basket and you have to make a meal out of it. Appetizer, then entrée and lastly a desert. What annoys me is every episode some dumptruck has to make an arugula salad. C’mon don’t ya watch the show? Everyone makes an arugula salad. It must be the Budweiser of salads or something. Stop copping out with the arugula you jack wagons!

Ok this post is long enough. I’ll have to wait for blogger to finish it’s anal work out but it will show up eventually. Perhaps if I make it to the “green beer” I may add a little something!

Until next time,

(it's been a few hours now and blogger is fixed (obviously) but Dad has called even tho he cut me short and said he would call back which he hasn't, I did make it to the green beers but daughter had friends over so I had to behave)

A picture of our traditional chimney fire at deer camp.  We find a big hollow log and cut it up and fill it with kindling then light it.  Then we pour in used oil from cooking to make it.....well you can see below.
I liked this picture because it makes me smile and I need something positive to think about!

A quick add on.  My weekly favorite post (top right) has more pictures of above fire and a little bit of deer camp and baby Joe Joe!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Rant like a mofo and then delete!

Hello out there in blog land!  Just a quicky (I'm good at those).  My blog reader is finally functioning again so I am truly sorry if I missed some of your posts.  In fact some of your comments went unnoticed until now as well.  My blog has STDs or something.  Stupid shittin thing!
I'll catch up on the reading this weekend so expect some late comments.  I'm just too tired to sit here and read them.  I practically fall asleep typing my own blogs after work let alone sitting still and just reading.

Well I had a big long rant all typed out but I just deleted it.  My landlord stopped by and said I have to either sign a lease June 1st or get out.  So I was typing out all the reasons why I hate him and how bad he has screwed me over in the last 5 years but I erased it.  You don't want to hear that crap.

Lets just say I'm slightly more than pissed.  I did hear from the bank today, on the new house, that the bids are in process for the septic they are just waiting for them to get back.  Then the bank will approve and diggity dig time.
It just need to go faster now that I'm about to be homeless.
So I'm glad tomorrow is Thirsty Thursday and I'm glad the Wings won last night and I really hope they can win again and I can keep my cool as well as my wife.
I will be happy when I have about 6 beers in my belly and then I can begin to blog proper and perhaps without so much hate.
Until then.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Monday Salutations and Still Pissed!

Hello there and Happy Monday to ya!
Sorry I missed Sunday salutations but I was in jail busy doing Mother's Day Stuff.
I even got up early and went grocery shopping.  I was in the store at 7:45am.  This is not a Mother's Day thing because I generally do the shopping anyways along with all the cooking and dishes and yard work and poo pick up and......you know maybe I wasn't busy doing Mother's Day stuff.  It was mostly my stuff!

When you add that in with Mamma's stuff like cleaning the house and doing laundry I was a busy beaver.
So I'm glad that's over!  Too much work!

This weekend was mostly uneventful.  Lot a work on the car and cutting grass and what not but in one of my pit stops for a beer moments of rest I looked up from my perch in the lawn chair and saw a full size trampoline being carried down the middle of the road!  My first thought was, those guys have a lotta balls stealing a trampoline in broad daylight!  But on closer review it was my neighbors and given the direction they were coming from I assumed they had either bought it from the other neighbor down the road aways or it was given to them. 
Regardless the total distance traveled from one yard to the other was probably close to 400 yards.  These two guys are skinny as a rail not weighing more than 135 lbs a piece and they hauled that thing all the way down the road.  It was pretty funny.  So me being the nice guy I am jumped in my car and drove up behind them and yelled lift it up, they did, and I drove underneath it and instructed them to let it rest on top of the car.  The weight supported, I finished the trek for them with a Chevrolet Malibu trampoline mover.
I can picture Jeff Foxworthy scrambling for a line on that one!
Browsing through the local paper I noticed a beer tasting event being held next Thursday at the county courthouse!  Hey cool...wait a minute.....I'm on to you guys.  Oh wait... it's the old courthouse.  OK I'm in!
$25 per person and the event holders are a local business aptly named A taste of Michigan.  They spotlight various local growers, wine makers and breweries.  I'm trying to get a few guys together to go hang out and give it a whirl.  We'll see what happens.

Also in the paper I noticed an anniversary.....I think.  You decide!

Had a nice bon fire on Saturday.  A few brewskis and a little JD.
Had a few marshmallows but no graham crackers so I just toasted the marshmallow nice and gooey like, have a pull off the half pinter and chase that with a marshmallow.  The trick is to catch the mallow on fire and when it's black all around then it's ready.  The burnt sugar goes really well with the whiskey!

Nothing on the house yet.  Drove by on Sunday after visiting with the Mother in Law and no evidence of anything other than the grass growing faster than the price of a barrel of oil.  Oh wait nothing grows that fast but it was getting pretty thick.  Some spots were probably close to 8 inches already.  It's gonna be a freaking nightmare.  It's got me all messed up.  My inner compass is not pointing north these days.  More like south.  I don't care what all the Dr. Phil wanna Bes say sometimes you just don't have the mindset to pull yourself up out of the slop!   Some days I wanna just knock the tar out of people and others I just wanna cozy up with a case of beer and let it ride! 
To top that off my landlord says to me the other day I have someone ready to move in so what's your hold up?  I need to walk her through the house sometime this week.  Hint Hint.  Get out jack wagon!
I should put those $500 gas bills on the counter so she can see those when she walks through.  I was told the energy bills on this place were average.  Average of what?  Anyways this is sliding towards the black post on the battery so I'll check out without any books today!

Yep still pissed!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

What????? A Repost????????

Yesterday was fun!
Beer is fun.  I did not drink much beer yesterday.
Is this an oxymoron or just a contradiction.
Perhaps I'm just going senile although I've never been to Africa to see the Nile.

I mowed the lawn here and at the landlords. (It's part of the deal for the tractor)
I also picked up the new bumper for my car.  They were supposed to have the headlight mounting panel but didn't.  So I still need to have the headlight panel and a new hood then it will be like new again.
Of course I will also need new tires and brakes as well as a left front strut.  What do ya expect it's 11 yrs old.  But no payment and that's the way I like it!

Maybe I just don't have much to say right now.  It's too early anyways.  Here have a re-post.  My first ever!  Looks like I didn't have much to say that day either.
--------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, October 24, 2010


A dog's life!



I didn't have much to post on today so I thought I would do something different with some older pictures.
Enjoy!!
This little guy became a member of our family almost 3 yrs ago. Little did I know the impact he would make!

I came home from work one day and caught him dancing with my beautiful wife!


When he finished his dance he ran out the door to his get away vehicle.  Looks like he had an accomplice
   

Not long after that we added another member to our family. Don't ever double dog dare me!

So these two mutts become pretty good friends. Not long after that I found them cuddling with my gorgeous, young daughter. These two are unstoppable!

Well you know how it is with women. Wasn't very long and they were fighting over them.

So what do you do?        Put 'em in time out!!



It seems as though they have overcome their differences and now are pretty much inseparable.
          They swim together

They nap together

They even fetch the same retrieving toy. Literally


Gunner still loves the girls though.


These two truly are the gift that keeps giving!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have to admit this is one of my favorite posts ever.  My dogs are like my children to me.
Gunner came in to our life after the loss of our son Corwin and Remmi appeared not long after the loss of our daughter Isabella.  You could say they are my replacements.  They hold a very special place in my heart.
Sometimes when I see them out in the yard just staring up into the air I think maybe,  just maybe they are seeing two little angels up there and the little angels are whispering to them, telling them to keep daddy happy and give him hugs and kisses for us!

Have a great and safe weekend!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Garbage Trucks and Hangerman!

Good Morning to all!
It turns out that 6 Dos Equis does not give you a hangover!  Good deal!
I forgot to change my post of the week yesterday so I did it this morning.
Check it out it's right over there>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It was from May 30th of last year.  The weather was a bit warmer.  The flowers were already in the ground and the garden was planted.  I really loved taking care of my yard and last year was my best year at this house.  The place looked great!
This year I am so bummed out because as you know this house deal is taking forever and it would be kinda stupid to start a garden or plant any flowers.  It's hard even cutting the grass.
My house is just devoid of any warmth now.  Towering boxes marked fragile and basement stacked into every corner and leaning like the great Pisa!
Half of my cookware is packed all of my tools are packed.  Stupid realty and bank people.  You can all kiss my arse!  Tell me I will be moving and then rescind and tell me not yet, not yet, soon, be patient, two weeks, any day now, just a bit longer, now it's the end of May.  The same time last year my green thumb was in full swing.  So now what do I do?  Sit around and hope people comment on my blog so I have something to do or drink myself into happiness or just yell at the wife and kids.  I'm really good at the last two!
Who the hell knows.  I just know I'm not really good at sitting around.  Bad things happen when I get bored.

Did I ever tell you the story of how I used to ride on the back of a garbage truck when I was a kid?

Yep I was a hangerman!  That's what we used to call it.  Pickin' trash. 
I was somewhere in the neighborhood of 12-13 ish and my family was in the rubbish business.
Bushman's Disposal.  Family owned and operated since the 40's or 50's I don't recall exactly.
Grandad had retired to Florida and dad was running the joint. 
I used to get up every morning M-F with my pops and go to work with him.  Every morning I would receive two dollars(which back then would get you a Big Mac lunch and a bottle of Pepsi at the end of the day)
for lunch and what not.  I would jump up in the big garbage truck and off we would go.  My job?
Ride on the back step hanging on to the little D handle (hangerman) and throw the trash in the back of the truck every time the driver stopped at a house.  I know that doesn't sound glorious to you now but go back 20 years or so when you were a kid.  Change the perspective any?  I loved it.  It was hard work but I earned a wage.  It wasn't much but Pops started a bank account for me.  Back then I had the little leather covered savings book.  Life was grand!  Of course now a days you wouldn't dare send a 12 yr old out on a garbage truck swinging in the summer breeze from the little D handle.  Kids are different now.  Laws are in place now to make sure these children grow up sheltered and with their pants hanging around their ass. 
(Their version of hangerman)
Back then you could find some really neat stuff at the dump to.  I once found an almost brand new telescope in a fancy wooden box.  Cha Ching!  Now we have landfills and they cover the trash with dirt as soon as the truck unloads it.  No scrounging allowed.  Bastards!  Don't even think about calling it a dump either!

All I can say is I loved those days.  Innocent, hardworking, pants pulled up and respectful kid I was!
Of course all my friends were off playing the summer away but occasionally I would spot them out playing in the yard or running through the sprinkler as we pulled  up in front of their house in the big green garbage truck and I could see the envy in their eyes.  Yep, it was worth it!

Until next time......and don't forget to leave a cold bottle of Pepsi out for your trash man.  It'll make his day!

                                                       Picture credited to Stefan Amer



Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten!

Hola mi amigos!
El dia es el cinco de mayo!

Of course I don't translate correctly!  haven't you read The beautiful Jarra ?
Today is cinco de mayo.  The 5th of May!  Which just happens to fall on a Thursday.

Feliz jueves sediento!!!!!!!!  (Happy Thirsty Thursday)

No I'm not of Latin origin!  Duh You've seen my pictures!  But in honor of Cinco de Mayo I am celebrating this very Thirsty Thursday with............A six pack of Dos Equis    XX  Yummmmm
My favorite south of the border cervacez! (beer)
Yo me gusto bebar el cervacez!!!!!( I like to drink beer)  If you just say it like it reads they will understand.  It's not grammatically correct but hey we Americans don't speak correct anyways.
He comido Mexican dos veces esta semana (I've eaten Mexican twice this week) Tacos and Fajitas and now a six pack of Mexican beer.  PHHhhht.  oops excuse me!


I've spent the last hour catching up on blogs I follow and dropping a comment here and there.  Sorry folks
parks closed I don't have much stamina for blogging on the weekdays after shitville work.  I've killed three beers already.  I knew I should have bought more.  Dammit!

I have some awards to pass along:
The stylish blogger award I am passing on to:

Core contrarian at Semi Coherent Thoughts
Larry at Big Dudes Eclectic Ramblings
Vickie at Part Three
The rules for this award are name a few things about yourself we don't know and pass this ward to a few others.
If you want to pass it on then by all means do so.  If not that's OK with me too.  Paste it up on your site and enjoy! 
And for something out of tradition..............

The Overlord award I will pass on to:
Amy from Mines A Keeper
Mike from work duh!
Dad the guy who thinks I'm so bright he calls me son

Here is the rules for the overlord award for people without blogs.
You must give me 3 laws/rules that you would make if you were overlord (king/queen)
List three things about yourself! (something interesting please not "I am a guy who works"!)
To do that simply send me an email at bushmanjeffrey@yahoo.com or message me on facebook.
I will give you all a guest post with your response (s)  Should be kinda fun!  You can also comment here but it may get lost in the hoopla.  The other way you'll have your own post to link back to. 

Ok people my computer is killing me.  I lost all "my blogs I follow" on my dashboard.  So if you think I'm ignoring you I'm not.  I just don't have easy access anymore.  I went to your sites and I am still there as a follower but not on my dashboard.  I'm kinda pissed.  It took me this long (6 beers) just to get posted what I have already.  Yeah it's bad!  I really need some help with my pc.  Now that I am out of beer (and peeing every 15 minutes) I will have to switch to either Jack Daniels and Diet Coke, Lemonade, Mt. Dew, Lipton Citrus Tea, milk, or water or I could simply uncork that bottle of Port resting in the fridge.

Do you know anything about Port?  I didn't until recently.  Port was derived from the longstanding feud between England and France.  France had the best wine but they were fighting with England and so they had a bit of a wine shortage.  So the English went to PORTugal to find wine.  They found some on the coast but had to dig deeper inland to find more but by the time they got it back to England the wine was spoiling.
So they started adding Brandy to the wine to "hold" it on it's journey.  The Brandy stopped fermentation halfway thru the process by halting the yeasts' attack on the sugars.  This resulted in half of the sugars remaining in the bottle plus Brandy being added.  It was simply a preservative process.
The resulting sugars gave the bottle a sweeter taste and now many know it as a desert wine.  Be careful tho it is about 26-38 % ABV.  Not your standard wine!  Cheers! (Brandy..you're a fine girl what a good wife you would be)  Ok bottle open and glass poured.  Whew! good stuff.  Nice cherry and definitely Brandy! (my life my love and my lady)

On to better things.... It seems as though I have traversed the Atlantic in a single evening from Mexico to Portugal.  I don't know any Portuguese.  Sorry  The Portuguese celebrate the 6th of May (with a headache I presume)

OK you asked for it.  here is my Top Ten of the week.  Good or bad you decide.

#1--Baby Joe Joe had his official college signing on Monday.  (now I'm officially broke)

#2-- Baby Kaitlin scored her first high school goal in soccer (freshman on the varsity squad)

#3--Had to extend the closing on the house to the end of the month.  (in her defense she never specified
                                                                                                         ( what month)
#4--I was given two awards this week on this blog    ( didn't even have to pay for it)

#5--American idol is down to the final 5 fruitcakes contestants (if they don't vote off the male diva I'm done)

#6--We got our bonus check today ($425 but they lumped it in with our paycheck so Uncle Sam is happy)

#7--With said bonus I was finally able to get some parts for my car (headlights are kinda nice in the dark)

#8--I have some new followers... Amy and Mike.. welcome to crazydom!

#9--Sam Adams is definitely not Portuguese!!!!!!!

 #10--Hapi 5thsh of mayo in the sink I luv yu missus portuguss lady.............


And so concludes my tale.  Tho it heralded no frivolous stories nor any fables of might (or placenta) however if my  existence were so outstanding all of the time I would not be here to regale in the past with my fellow cyber friends.  You too mike!

Until next time
Hasta Luego Mi Amigos!

I almost forgot this breaking news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I know you've seen it before but I'm still pissed at the bank!!!!!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Falling Like Rain, Awards That is!

Good Monday to you!

I have a special post today.  I have the honor of displaying two new awards I have been given.

The first from Bruce at Just Another Day in Paradise. 
The second comes from Pencil Girl who is a new blog that I just started following.
You should check them both out.  Great blogs!

These awards come with certain rules.
I have to make three rules as if I were an actual overlord.(King)
Describe a few things about myself most people don't know.
Pass these awards on to a certain number of others.

First things first
Rule # 1 Any one caught spitting their gum on the sidewalk will lose their tongue!

Rule # 2  Do not automatically reach for the salt and pepper!  I know how to cook.  Your over seasoning of my food is an insult.  Again loss of tongue because it apparently isn't working!

Rule # 3  If I ever catch anyone stealing a child's Halloween candy sack I will make you cut out your own tongue!

OK That's done.  There will be a few people walking around less their tongues now but hey they deserve it!

Now a few things about myself.

I love to cook all kinds of food but I am still a sucker for noodles in a bowl.  Add water, nuke, and enjoy.

If you make a bakers dozen of cookies I will eat 14.  Yeah you figure it out!

Everyone has a right to question me, often I am wrong, however if I'm right say so, it really does make a difference.  (except you people without tongues)

I love cats  (they taste like chicken)

I think God made beer to make up for screwing up the whole marriage thing.

None of this stuff either makes sense or is true because I am truly nuts!!!!!!!

That's enough lists for now.  As for passing awards I will have to delay that for a few more days.  I need to check around and see who has awards and who doesn't.  My first one was so cool and I'd love to repay that to some other award virgin.

To finish out my thank you post I have one more rule that would probably just make you laugh but here goes;

No mowing the lawn with a custom sling so you can carry your dog.  Mr macho motorcycle neighbor of mine who wears a black shirt and long pants no matter what season/temp it is!

(actual picture taken thru the window from right here at my desk)

Stay tuned!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Horse Treats!

Welcome to Sunday!
An overcast yet almost warm morning.  I took (drank) my coffee on the veranda (deck) this morning. 
Winston (me) served it to me piping hot with a piece of toast and marmalade (splinter in the foot from walking on the deck barefoot).  The children (dogs) pranced (rolled around) in the wet grass as the song birds (crows) chirped melodically beside me.  Their beautiful songs awakening the creatures nearby for me to listen to (semi truck on the freeway hitting jake brake).
Ah who am I kidding.  I woke up with a headache (too many speed beers), was out of bottled water to dry up the savanna in my mouth and had to slurp down calcium and iron infested water out of the tap.
I did have coffee on the deck while listening to the symphony of the freeway and the dogs did roll around in the wet freshly cut grass from yesterday.  Makes for an interesting mess on the kitchen floor when they come in.  Only enough coffee left for half a pot, no milk for pancakes and I can't get this damn splinter outta my foot.

So how the hell are you this morning?
I remember the days when we used to attend church.  Well some of it anyways.  I was young.  I was stupid, naive and could be led to water and  forced to drink.  I didn't care.  Church meant one thing for me and I can admit this because I was just a wee wart.  Sunday School ( which I found out was for something totally different) was all about candy!  After every session each kid received a candy bar.  Now I don't know about you but my mom (at that time, I've had 3 of them now) did not let us have candy, of the sugared kind anyways.  More like honey coated chunks of sesame seeds.  Like someone scraped off a fast food bun, punched pooh bear in the kidneys and stold his pot (either way you want to read that is fine with me) and combined the two.  Sesame seeds get stuck in your teeth anyways did they think the honey was necessary?
I'm just asking.  That was our candy! 
So Sunday School was a glorious day for me.  It was only like two hours of camels, fairies, stars and stories about wise guys.  I could manage.  At the end a reward was forthcoming.  Then everything changed.  You had to do stuff (no not the Catholic kind of stuff you perverts) like memorize Bible verses or get answers right on the Bible quizzes.
 I don't remember all the nuances but I was pissed!  How dare they lure me into this tiny room with visions of real candy and then expect me to work for it.  I would show them!  So I learned the verses and answered the quizzes.  C'mon it was candy what was I supposed to do?  Go back to the horse treats I was being fed at home!
Sadly enough the fad did not last long with my folks.  Church went out the door and they stuck us in private school instead.  I wonder if they thought that if we went to churchy school then they didn't have to go to church?  I can see myself making that work in my mind.  Hmmmmm.......
Actually I think it was to keep us away from drugs and alcohol.  Middle school is where it started back then.  Nowadays I think it's early 5s.  Well it kept us safe.  For a couple years anyways.

So that was what I used to do on Sundays.  Now I deal with hangovers, angry lines at the grocery store, forcing children to complete homework (usually from 8pm till midnight) and if I'm lucky maybe some weeding of the flower beds or mowing the lawn because I was too drunk to do it the day before.

That candy bar seems awful good right now................


Disclaimer:
this post was brought on by the likings of Bruce's Evil Twin and his reminiscing of early days and foods his family ate as well as the true meaning of Sunday School inspired by Pearson's Report ( see link above)
These stories are only for fun (but true) and I have never claimed to be too drunk to mow the lawn.  The lines are not as straight but it gets mowed nonetheless!  As far as horse treats don't do it people,  don't do it.