Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten...posted on a Friday

It's finally Friday!  Yeah!  Wait that doesn't mean crap to me I've been off work all week and do not have to return until Tuesday.  So boo on Friday, let's back it up a few days.  Not all the way to Christmas but close.  I can only handle one of those a year.  So guess what I did yesterday?  Yep.  Cut more wood.  I decided to get started on next years supply.  There is a bunch of trees blown down by a storm (mini-tornado) at the BIL (brother-in-law) it is still green but if I cut it, split it and stack it then it will be good to burn for next winter.  So I located a nice silver maple that had succumbed to mini-tornado (straight line winds) and fired up the trusty 20 inch Stihl Chainsaw and let her eat. 

Next I fired up the old back and let him ache.

(I had to carry all the rounds out of the woods by my lonesome)

Then once I was home I cracked a cold one and fired up the splitter.

I figure it was close to a face cord of wood.

I piled it on the floor of the garage because I need to build a wood shed.

If I keep filling the garage then Momma won't be able to get her car in there and she won't squawk when I tell her I need to buy some lumber for a woodshed.

Sometimes I amaze myself. (not that hard)

So that was how I spent my Thirsty Thursday which brings us to the top ten.

I know it's Friday but this is about Thursday.  Good enough

Without further delay I bring you my top ten of the week, as always, good or bad you decide.

1.  I kicked the death tree's butt   (then he kicked mine we'll call it even)

2.  Christmas went off without a hitch  (well sort of I still have to tow it around for a few months..$)

3.  It's time to take the Christmas tree down  (I need it to start a bon fire in the back yard)

4.  Anybody want a free cat I haven't slept well in days (next time I ask it will be at the Chinese restaurant)

5.  I feel I should make some New Years Resolutions  ( Don't worry I laid down till the feeling went away)

6.  All the wood cutting is probably making me lose weight (drinking beer while splitting it puts it right back)

7.  Propane usage so far this winter 20%  (correct spelling should be pro-pain)

8.  I started keeping a pile of note cards next to the couch so I can write down recipes I see on TV (Are Centrum Silver, enemas and Viagra next ?)

9.  Did I just say enema?  (WTF)

10.  I'll let this guy say it..

Stick around and maybe I'll write something worth reading one of these days.
I'm off to get my woody on more fire wood.
-Bushman



The Death Tree and Learning a Lesson the Hard Way

Good morning peoples! 
Sitting low in my chair (too fat) and still sipping the bottom of the last cup from the first pot of coffee(soon perhaps an espresso) and aching like the Pillsbury dough boy who got too close to the rolling pin I present to you a lesson of sorts.  (knee, hip and back)  If you haven't read yesterdays post please take the time to do so.  I won't link it because it is right there on the side.(somewhere)
Yesterday was wood cutting day (no surprise Bushman,you bore us with this all the time) and once the boy arrived (without his sister, she apparently decided to change her plans, smart girl) I cooked him a fat breakfast of eggs, sausage and potatoes.  We loaded up and headed to the woods.  (many things forgotten)
Once there I sized up the tree and began cutting.  Big tree, me nervous, second guessing, terrified all of this added up to it taking almost an hour to fell the beast.  I made my angle cut and started my back cut only to realize I had forgotten my wedge and sledge.  I know sounds like an infomercial.  "Buy it today folks the wedge n sledge will take all the guess work out of storing laundry under the bed" 
So now I have a precariously (so I thought) tree perched atop a small chunk of wood inside it's own trunk.  It is growing perfectly straight and no lean to help me in my felling. So I jump in the truck and run up to the brother in law's garage and after a quick phone call I find a big hammer and a chisel and some sort of pipe that I can hopefully turn into a makeshift wedge.  I also forgot my bar oil for the saw and had to borrow that as well.  (wanna be lumberjack)  Tools in hand I head back to the death tree. 
The cut looks good (just like it shows on the internet) so I put in the wedge (chisel) and give it a few good hits.  Nothing.  Few more. Nothing.  So I try the other "wedge" Nothing.  Now mind you this giant tree is only held up by a strip of wood that is about 2 inches wide and only as long as the diameter of the tree itself about 30 inches.  I don't know the total weight of the tree in its current shape but I would guess over a ton.  (For my international readers that is a shit pot of weight or 2000 lbs)  probably more.
Now I'm really nervous.  I fire up the saw and start cutting the edges a bit more (wedge still stuck in middle) A cut here and a cut there and by now this thing is almost levitating and still won't go down.  Of course while doing that I just had to go and knick the steel "wedge" with the chain.  Which is now about as sharp as a marble.  This whole time my adrenaline is pumping, sweat pouring from every nook and crannie on my body and my arms are shaking like a fat guy driving past a McDonald's.  I take the hammer and blast the wedge as hard as I can finally I hear the smallest little crack.  I give it another whack.  Pop.  One more good one and the Rice Krispie boys start singing and I run out of there faster than  Jehovah Witness from my door when I answer it with my shotgun in hand.   KaBoom it comes crashing down.  Limbs exploding everywhere.  A big smile on my sweaty face I look up at Joe(who has remained safely at the truck for over an hour now) and I see that he is happy as well (if only so we can hurry up and get done). 
So I start cutting (after a run to the brother in laws for a quick sharpen on my mutilated chain) and we soon have a full load and are headed home.  Smiling the whole way because there are a few more loads left in that one tree. 
At home I fire up the splitter and throw the first log on to it, press the lever and..............well let me tell you this.  I discovered it was a white elm and not a red and the damn thing splits about as good as my wife takes orders. (in case you didn't know almost impossible)  So many hours later the truck load is split and stacked and Joe and I are freezing because its 30 degrees and the wood splits so slow and tedious we are not able to move sufficiently to stay warm.  In the house we go and I start to do a little research on the death tree.  At the time I was clueless as to what it could be if not red elm.  Well I found out that it is a medium to medium high on the burn scale which means as far as BTUs per cord.  British Thermal Units is what heat is measured by.  Approximately 24,500,000 BTU per.  With the best wood being around 32,000,000 and the lowest around 19,000,000.  I learned it is awful to split (didn't need the net to learn this)  Everything points to it as being very hard to work with but burnable.  Don't buy it but if it's free then by all means.
Here is what is left to cut and split.  I hadn't made it to the main trunk yet.

Here is the stump.  Notice how little wood was left.

Here is a shot of the nasty twisted piece of firewood after going through the splitter.

I now know why the tree was able to hold on with so little wood left.  The gnarly twisted grain of the wood makes it very strong.  Hmmm lesson learned (the hard way)

What to do what to do.

Maybe I'll cut it into rounds, stack it and split it for next year.

So my lesson to you is I don't care how dead it looks, how cold your house is or what the cost of Propane is,  leave the White Elm in the woods!

Stay home and have a cappuccino and search the computer for the right wood to cut down!

I bought Momma an espresso/cappuccino thingy for Christmas.

I love playing with it though.  Here is a vanilla cappuccino (with steamed milk of course) and topped with  hazelnut chocolate shavings.

Happy Home Heating

-Bushman

Bad Knees, Giant Trees and More Snow Please!

So your all aware of my infatuation with battling the propane tank and the funny thing is I thought I was winning.  I have been burning wood steadily, keeping the thermostat turned down, we have sealed the windows with the 3M insulator kits and added extra blankets to all the beds.  Sometimes it gets a bit chilly but it's not  a huge house and heats up quick.  I don't see the point of warming a house when no one is here.  I'll wait till I get home.
  Generally the heat is turned down to 50 or so when we leave.  Upon return I light a fire and turn the thermostat back up to 70.  The furnace runs for 20 minutes or so and then the fire keeps the house warm after that and I turn the heat back down.  Enough said.  I win.  Or so I thought!
Yesterday I went out to cut wood because I am getting dangerously low and while cutting the second tree for the morning I turned to trot away as the tree began to fall and my foot stayed put, thanks to some roots and branches and my body turned to run.  Mr. Knee apparently isn't supposed to contort that way and thankfully the sound of the chainsaw muted my girlish yelp.  The tree fell and so did I.  Not even a full load of wood and I was down for the count.  You have to be careful of those propane tanks they are evil and their demonic spirit can travel with you wherever you go.
That was on Monday.  Today is Wednesday.  I cam back to finish this post.  I sorta lost interest on Monday.
A bit of rest and a few icings of the knee and I will be back at it today.  I have recruited my children to help.  I just have to wait for their butts to get out of bed (at Dad and Step moms) and get over here.
I have found one tree.  A giant red elm that must be 80 feet tall and has a trunk diameter of  30 inches or so.  This one tree should keep me in firewood for a couple more months.  I just hope it is good all the way through.  Nothing worse than cutting down a giant tree and halfway through the cut you notice it's rotten on the inside.  They don't show that on fear factor.  Probably should. 

Well nothing much to report on besides that.  It did finally snow, enough to cover the grass and make things slippery.  What a weird winter so far.  40's this weekend.  The dogs are killing the back yard.  The frost comes and goes and makes mud and their paws rip out chunks of turf as they run.  We need cold and snow before my entire lawn is gone.
I'll be back.......hopefully,
-Bushman 

The Day After (not the movie) and Tuna Free Dolphin

The Christmas lights are out again.  Third time this season now.  I think I have figured out the problem though.  I am very talented when it comes to figuring stuff out.  My conclusion?  They are afraid of the dark. 

Christmas was great.  Santa Momma gave me a couple pr. of blue jeans, couple shirts, a coat and some really bad ass cook books.  Apparently I am a bad dresser and need to cook more.  I get the point honey!

Dinner at the in laws was also great.  Giant spiral ham, cheesy potatoes, mashed potatoes with ham gravy, green bean casserole, pistachio pudding, baked beans, deviled eggs, veggie tray, pumpkin pie, apple pie and whip cream.  I topped all that off with 8 or 9 beers.  Yes I slept well!

We watched the Dolphin Tail movie last night on rape per view.  It was nice.  Next time I would mince the dolphin up and can it and as long as you label it Tuna free people will eat it.  Just has to be legit is all.

credit

Today marks the first day of workation for me.  Fun time is over.  If you need me I'll be raping and pillaging the forest( in order to heat my home, not because there is elves in there) for the next three days.

Speaking of elves did you hear that they are making a new movie to go along with Lord of the Rings?
Yep it's called the Hobbit.  Starring Lorena..... oh whats her last name again?  I hear it's a short version.

credit

I've been looking on line at some naked women wood stoves to replace the fireplace.  The efficiency at which I turn wood into heat for the house is about as efficient as the government and their control over......well anything it seems.  It has not even began to get seriously cold around here and I have burned up almost 5 face cord of wood.  That is a stack 40 feet long and 4 feet high.  A mere $2500 and I'll have it.

I swear she was the only one at Home Depot with a Will Work sign!  Honey....honey....Oh c'mon
I did manage to install an exhaust fan in the ceiling of the fireplace room/den and then I ran a three inch duct up through the floor joists and tied it into the cold air return faceplate.  I installed a switch in the wall for it, tapping into the power source in the laundry room, and voila, with a flip of the switch it pulls all the warm air from the ceiling downstairs and shoots it into the living room upstairs.  I put my digital meat thermometer into the vent and the air temps were reading around 88 degrees.  I told you I was good at figuring stuff out.  This will double as an AC vent in the summertime, sucking the cold air from the lower level and delivering it to the upper without the use of central air.  I know what you're thinking.  Won't the cold air return suck the warm/cold air right back to the furnace?  Yes it would but the furnace will not be on when this fan is running.  It's supposed to act as replacement heat/ cold.

Well those are my updates for now.  I'll check back later.
I need to go have a talk with the Christmas lights.  They just need a little reassuring is all.
-Bushman_

Merry Christmas and my new Countdown!

First off a big Happy Birthday to you Jesus!  No thanks needed you've done enough already!
(if you wanted to magically fill my propane tank I probably wouldn't care too much)


Well I don't know about you but I didn't here any pitter patter of hooves on the roof last night.  All I heard was momma snoring and an occasional air biscuit.  Nonetheless when I awoke there was a plethora of gifts under the tree. (cuz we put them there, DUH)
Unfortunately it was only 5:15 AM when I got up.  You would think I am the kid.  The children will have to be undoubtedly pried from the warmth of their beds and forced to join us by the fireplace to finally see what it is that Mom and  Step Dad had to max out their credit cards (again) for.  Ugh, poor kids!
They had their first Christmas at Dad and Step Mom's house yesterday and today they will have Christmas with us and then later they will have Christmas at Grandpa and Grandma's house and tomorrow they will be asking for money so they can buy more stuff!  Somehow it doesn't add up.  The dollars either.
Speaking of Grandma and Grandpas house.  Why is it we have to have every Christmas dinner over there?  My brother in law has a big house, we have a medium house and they have a trailer.  Brother in law has a wife and four boys, there is Momma and I and our two young-uns and then there is great grandma and her boyfriend (I know sounds weird to me too) and finally Grandma and Grandpa.  That's 14 people.  In a trailer.  Perhaps I should say modular to be politically correct.  Also I love to cook and preparing a holiday meal for 14 people is right up my alley.(even though I am a horrible bowler)  Oh well it's a good thing I love them all to pieces because then it would be miserable. 
Well not Great Grandmas boyfriend.  Not even sure what his name is.  Lets call him
Alfred P. Winstermaurel.  A British accent would probably be fitting along with one of those nose moles with hair growing out of it.   Don't forget the cane and the monocle.
So our morning shall proceed as follows.  Drag kids out of bed by 9 AM.  Open gifts until 9:08 (not a high limit on our credit cards), breakfast at ten.  Showers and what nots (nap) and off to the hot box by 2PM.  Dried out ham or turkey, accompanied by non traditional side dishes such as fried chicken and or baked beans, if were lucky great grandma will head back to her trailer(she talks to much anyways) and we can play a few games of euchre and drink the rest of the beer I have stashed in the garage.  Bloated and half drunk I will turn the keys over to Momma and we'll head home by 6 PM.  Once home we will have second dinner, chase momma around the house with unabashed intentions, realize daughter is standing there with eyes indicating mild shock, stop unabashed chasing and head to bed alone (with yellow dog) and snore my way to tomorrow.(with repeated elbows to the side followed by "roll over your snoring")
That is my day in a nutshell.  I hope yours is as good as that.  hard to beat I know but give it a shot.  I mean who doesn't like ham jerky or fried chicken for Christmas?

I found next years countdown!  Why didn't I think of this?

Merry Christmas
-Bushman

(this post was only intended for your entertainment.  All views and opinions expressed herewith are for the sole purpose of deriving laughter.  I love my in laws and they always have good jerky  food.  I am always in a great Christmas Spirit and wish you all the same.  Peace!)

Twas the Day Before Bushman's Christmas

Just for fun I thought I would come up with my own little poem to get us all in the Christmas Spirit.
(all names are purely fictional and the events mentioned forthwith did not actually occur)



Twas the day before Christmas and if you looked in the house
There perched Bushman with a beer
Starting to get soused.

The stockings were moved from the chimney to the stairs
Cuz the damn things caught on fire
Whose idea was it to put them there?

The dogs were all nestled and snug in my bed
I had barely enough room
And only a sheet covering my leg

With me in my tighty whities
 and momma in her jammies
we had just settled in and I was tickling her Moons over Mi-hammys

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
The dogs crushed my nuts jumping from the bed to see
what was the matter

I fell out of bed
And rushed to the glass
My nuts all bruised and halfway to my ass

When out on the lawn
I saw a strange sight
A VW bug with a bunch of illegals tied tight.

Inside of the bug
A man dressed in white
Hollering at the men and whipping them right

Hey Lupe, Manuel, Roberto, Chico, Ricardo, Jorge, Julio and Juan
Get you asses in there
We only have till dawn

The ropes untied
They clambered up the eaves
I was beginning to think they were a pack of thieves

My Christmas spirit
not to be burned
I walked away and around the corner I turned.

Into the kitchen by way of the den
Eating from the fridge
Were four of the men

From the living room came a big ruckus
I saw my TV headed out the front door
With two of the men laughing that they were gonna &*%$ us

My eyes were open in shock
From the closet I pulled my 12 gauge
And I gave it a cock.

That got their attention
and the TV
They did drop

The sound was deafening
5 loud booms
That cleared out the little bastards from all of my rooms

Back to the lawn they scrambled away
A few less strong
I just have to say

With the police report filed
And sunrise just moments away
I thought what a great way to start out the day.

I sat down on the couch and began to cry
When I noticed a gift
That had escaped their eye

I scooped it from the floor just under the tree.
I shook it and probed it
Wondering what they contents may be

A slight tear on the corner gave it away
A case of beer
To my now rapidly departing dismay

I pulled at the tab
And heard the top go clunk
So I spent the rest of my Christmas getting drunk!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good........ Whatever Trips Your Trigger!

-Bushman

A Thanks To You and just a Little Hurticod

With the end of the year fast approaching, Christmas just a mere 2 days away and my holiday break from work just beginning I wanted to take just a second to say thanks to all the folks who read the garbled clutter that springs forth from my keyboard now and again.   I will be super busy the next 11 days and........ hell who am I kidding I'll be around.
THANKS! (there that's done)
I know most of it (writing) is comparable to Aunt Edna's fruitcake (which unlike this has a little flavor) but hey I have fun with it.  I suppose writing is like singing in the shower (or the car) it sounds good to you and that's where it ends.  I laugh at my stuff, sometimes cry and usually force myself into a vomitus projection of huckaboos and huffgaws and sit with heavy anticipation of the comments that are sure to come spewing forth from the genius that has just emerged on my screen.  Surely this must be the work of a mad, verbal scientist because I do not know this guy.  This masterpiece all but screams, "Read me, it may change your life". 
I wait.  Patiently.  I make sure to only touch the e-mail icon on my dumb smart phone no more than three times every 15 minutes.  Which is 900 seconds if you were counting it out.  I wasn't timing myself I just like to count to 900 and take a break every three hundred seconds.
A day goes by and then the phone vibrates.  An email has arrived.  Excited like a fat kid who has juct come across and overturned Little Debbie Truck I touch the screen, all senses on point and anxiously awaiting only to discover that Taste of Home magazine is just reminding me that my subscription is about to expire.  Damn, no comments.
Two more days past and my only emails are those from the huffgaw corporation warning me to please ask for consent before mentioning their product and another from Yahoo informing me that Diez des Puntos wants to be my friend and has sent me a chat message.  Even though I have turned him/her down in the past I am beginning to think I might just accept.
Finally on the 5th day the phone buzzes.  I have a comment folks.  Yep and it is from an unknown blogger friend.  "Oh yeah", I say to myself, not unlike the Kool-Aid man (although my walls are still intact)
Finger hits screen, jabbing the button ferociously like when your in an elevator and you see a person approaching that looks like a cross between Lady GaGa, Boy George and Steve Irkel.
I do not blink, I do not breathe.  Eyes watering and about to pass out I read the comment, devouring it as Tori Spelling does man seed (whoa that was weird) and find out that the magical way to weight loss is from a plant known as Hurticod.
I think back and yes I mentioned the word plant in my blog.  That was all it took.  Now the post has become forlorn, dusty and reeks of shades of dirty gray.  It has diminished itself from masterpiece to spam landing zone.  Ouch!  That hurts.  Hurticod?  WTF is that?
If I'm gonna hurt a cod that little sucker is gonna be deep fried with some tartar sauce and a cold beer.  How the hell is that weight loss?
Damn spammers anyways.

Keeping it imaginary as always,
-Bushman

Puffing your own sail

Left to my own devices I can stir up a lot of trouble.  The phrase," getting in over your head" applies to me like a colorform to a refrigerator.  "Biting off more  than you can chew", even with my big mouth and extra girth is always a mainstay.  Like Pinocchio and his nose, my infatuation with challenging myself is always growing.
Saying no is almost impossible.    Either I am just not afraid of anything (except hairy spiders), too bold, too egotistical or perhaps just plain ignorant, I can never be satisfied with done.  Hard to express in words sometimes but it is just never finished.  I have to take one more step, write one more word, grow one more plant, paint one more wall.  If I finish all that then it probably will need to be re-done in a short period of time.  I'm ok with that.  (Wife probably not.)  The whole point of this is if you look over to the right hand side of the page you will see a new badge.  The A to Z challenge.  Click on it for details but the basics are write one blog for every day of the month except Sundays covering the letters of the alphabet.  Start with A and end with Z.  This begins in April.
Now anyone who follows me knows I have a soft stance on blogging during the week and this will be quite a challenge for me.  Sure I could start now and write all my blogs ahead of time and save them until April but that isn't much of a challenge.  That's more like homework.  I could pick my topics ahead of time and then I would have months to think about them but that feels like cheating. 
My plan is to write each day with no pre- planning.  When I sit down that day I will pick a topic at that precise moment and blog about it.  The challenge lies therein to keep it entertaining.  What good are words if your not moved by them.  It should be interesting! 

I have started my new book.  It isn't progressing like I would like but Rome wasn't built in a day right? 
I love the idea and I get this fluttery feeling in my heart when I think about it but writing is hard.  Especially without any formal training or college or whatever it is that you have to do to write books. 
One of my favorite books of all time is Stephen King's book titled On Writing.  Now Steve is a gozillionaire and my all time favorite author but he really boils it down to the basics.  He states if you want to write than read.  The more you read the better.  He also states to just write.  It doesn't matter if it works or not the progress comes from just doing it.  He also says he doesn't like adverbs.  Yeah he did get a little grammatical but when you look at it they really are just filler.  Damn exemplifiers anyways.  Good writing doesn't need any.
I think the really (adverb) hard part comes from the self doubt.  You want to succeed in the worst way but are terrified of the outcome.  The judging, the criticism or just the outright denial.  Steve was turned down hundreds of times and one of his first pubs was in a magazine.  Just a little short story that he made like $300 bucks off of.  Don't quote me on the amounts or anything I'd have to look it up in the book but it is something like that.
So all of this talk about challenging myself and when it boils down to it.....I guess I am a little afraid.
Self encouragement only takes you so far.  I mean how far can you puff your own sail?
So just because I need a bit of encouragement (even if it is just so I can puff my way a bit further) I want to share a excerpt from my writings.  I won't give the title or what the story is about because I don't want anyone on the web stealing it. (it's a  good title and storyline).


----------------------------------------------------------
Forward


To whom it may concern,


I write to you this day with a heavy sadness upon my heart. A burden I can no longer carry and one that drags my soul into a deeper pit of hell than I hope you may never have to imagine. I have lived a life of torment, shame, ridicule and abuse. I will no longer suffer myself to such torment. I will no longer bear the pain of a lost childhood, the death of my children and deterioration of my abstract life. I will no longer accept the possibility of a self-awakening into a happier place. It is done. I shall be of no great loss, as my place in this world of yours was nothing more than a passing glance. A brief nod, received more as a gesture of contempt than of acceptance. My mediocrity is my downfall. I only ask that you remember me for who I should have been and not who I was. Lord have mercy upon my soul.



Prologue:

It was this note that started everything. My end of all ends, my grand finale, the “easy” way out. My only downfall was I linked it to the damn Facebook page instead of hitting the print button. It wasn’t meant to be there, on Facebook that is, It was my private thoughts which I believed to be my last. Read by only the closest to my miserable speck of life and not half of the Facebook nation. Little did I know the effect it would have and the repercussions that lay in store for me. Good, bad or indifferent everything has a reason. Fate intermingles with destiny and reasoning wrestles with imagination. It is here now many years later that I write to you my true last thoughts and without hesitation and without censorship. My one, my last, Suicide Writing.



Chapter 1

Cause and Effect

There were a lot of normal kids in our neighborhood. Kids that played basketball,  football and pick-up games of baseball in the vacant lot across from our house. They were good at it. Born with a healthy physique they were strong willed and most of all naturally gifted. I wasn’t one of them.

I was the kid that was always picked last or more often than not told I was odd man out and had to sit until someone got tired. No one ever got tired. Not even the kid that stuttered and had asthma. They picked him before me and I believe he was even slightly retarded. My days consisted of reading books and lying for hours on end with my vast collection of Legos and dreaming of faraway places. Little, square headed men building space ships and heavy defenses against an invasion that would never come.  This was my sport.

There was even a point that my step mother, at that particular time, took me to the doctors to see if I was all right. I was only about 12 or 13 at the time. The Dr. was a freak and checked my prostate. I think he was a pedophile wrapped in a white coat. Nothing was found of course, in my ass or otherwise, and I continued life at its abnormal pace.

I had accepted my role in life as a loner, subservient and buried myself in books and any other imaginative process that would carry me away to far lands where I didn’t have to be strong or talented. I was reading a book a day by the time I hit Jr. High School.
Girls? Forget about it.
I often wondered if I was a result of tragic childhood experiences or if I was just a freak. This was the time of the great talk show debuts and you could trace everything back to a childhood experience. In fact people were being murdered and the cases were judged not guilty because the defendant did not get what he wanted for Christmas when he was 9 yrs. old.
It was a sad time and I remember thinking that I would not ever blame anything on my childhood. I was the biggest advocate ever of “You are what you make yourself”. Not “you are a cruel example of what can go wrong in the early years.” I believed this for almost 30 years.
I wish I still did but the evidence states contrary my dear Watson. Time heals everything they say but what they don’t tell you is time also grows everything. Like a tumor it hides in your belly and as the years go by it grows. Sneaking and growing, crawling up and out and when it’s too late it bursts. Unfortunately now there is no time for healing. No time left. You’re stripped, left naked and exposed. Like a nerve in a tooth, as the layers are peeled away every touch becomes more and more painful until finally the tooth must come out. It was time to stop.

There are many examples I could list. Perhaps half dozen of those talk show episodes would be needed to cover them all. In the end it really wasn’t about me. Never was. I was and still am just a pawn in the game, slightly more than an extra but nonetheless not a major player. Waiting on the sidelines until someone gets tired and then and only then do they come calling. After all these years I finally get to go in the game. The pinch hit, the winning field goal whatever the cause I will be the effect. It was finally my time and boy did I ever shine.

Hope ya liked it
-Bushman

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten

Hey there people out in cyber land it is finally Thursday.  I should be drinking beer and having a good time but instead I'm drinking beer.  Good enough for me!   I must say it has been a hell of a year and I have handled it with all the grace of a rhino in a child's swimming pool.  Pretty proud of myself.  I know the year isn't over yet but I have 4 more days of work next week and then I'm off until January 3rd.
This year is one I can tell the grand kids about or the creepy guy who lives under the bridge down the road aways.  The only reason I call him creepy is when I drive by I throw out a soda can (so he can have ten cents on the deposit)  he always tips it up and drinks what's left.  Creepy lil' sucker.

"Did I ever tell you about the year your Grandma and I tried to buy 14 different houses, got kicked out of our rental, used garbage bags for clothes and tried to mail the cat to a relative in Tennessee?
OK so I made up the one about garbage bags, shoot me. 
Have you ever been down in the dumps and people tell you to hang on it'll get better and you look at them like"go climb a tree and dry hump a squirrel"?  That was me.
For tens of years years it went on and on.  I would say check and they would say checkmate you stupid undeserving moron you lose. 
Well I'm pleased to announce that that streak is.......still happening but now I just don't give a rat's ass and have learned to enjoy what I have and covet what you have and live my life to the almost fullest.
(seriously it does get better if you can hang, not the Matchbox20 hang but the regular hang)

So without further retarded words cluttering this page I bring you Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten!
My beer of choice tonight is..................... Miller Lite!  I know big wussy!  I like it, it likes me and I have a bunch of crap to do tomorrow.  My secret stash of Leinenkugels Fireside Nut Brown is hanging in the garage. (yes the Matchbox 20 hang) should I care for some nutty, caramel indulgence.

In my quest to educate you on the perils and plays of my life I bring you this week's top ten.
As always good or bad you decide.

#1  Tree is up, decorated.  House is lit up like aforementioned.   (I like it.  makes me smile)
#2  I don't have enough reserve power to run things like the furnace.   (shivering makes you warm on purpose)
#3  Our snow has melted and replaced with mud.  (Good thing I have a plywood sidewalk)
#4  My plywood sidewalk just blew away in this windstorm.   (Good thing I have mud)
#5  Getting ready for big party on Saturday.  (I bought two cans of cheese balls..cha-ching)
#6  Our Christmas bonus at work was a $25 gift card.  (I can't decide between three gallons of gas or 2 pkg of ring bologna, either one will power up the truck)
#7  I have to go pee now.  (Shit I wasn't supposed to type that, back in a flash)
#8  I finally figured out why the guys pants are on fire in the Progressive insurance commercial.(Liar, Liar)
#9  I cleaned and re-organised the garage this week.  (Do not look in the shed)
#10 I'm pretty damn happy with things right now.  ( wait till the buzz wears off)

Have a great weekend and we'll chat soon.
-Bushman 

Sunday Salutations and Lights on the House!

Good morning and Sunday Salutations to you all!
It is 7:09 am here in Michigan on this lovely morning.  Temps a tad warmer than this time 24 hours ago.  We are sitting at a comfortable 21 degrees.  Yesterday (my blog was incorrect) it was 10 degrees.
I figure ten degrees is ample enough warmth to head out for a tree and that is just what we did.
In fact we were so early that the guy was there opening the gate as we pulled up.
It didn't take long to find a tree.  In fact we found several and had a tough decision to make.  The small perfect one, the nice top but fat bottom (girl I dated in high school) or the large one with the funny branch sticking up at us like a ........never mind.
And the wiener winner is the small perfect one.  Being only 6 ft tall saved us a few bucks too.  This year was only $31 while last year was $42.  12 inches makes all the difference.(Al, that one was for you).

Of course in keeping up with our Holiday tradition the youngest and weakest member of the clan gets to cut it down.  (Good thing she doesn't read this or I would be in trouble for calling her weak!)

There are plenty of trees to choose from.  It was such a beautiful morning.

Of course this year we have a truck to put the tree in and I admit it felt much more manlier than trying to stuff a 6 foot tree inside the trunk of a small car. 

With the tree loaded up we headed to the home improvement store to pick up the final stretch of gutters I needed to finish the front of the garage.  Also some holiday decor, lights and beer. 

No they didn't sell beer at the HIS but they should, right next to the ladders.

We made it home just at noon, had lunch, trimmed the tree and got it in the stand and in the house and then headed out to hang lights on the house.  I have always wanted my own home and have dreamed of being able to hang lights on it at Christmas and now I have it.  Merry Christmas to me.  It's all I want and all I need.

I dug out my old carpentry belt, cinched it around my waist (barely) and filled it with gutter hooks.

Ladder out and up I went.  It took a couple hours but I finally finished.  (I only quit because I ran out of extension cords)  I was pleased with the results.  Beer me please!  OK fine I had a couple while doing the lights.  (but only while I was on the ladder)

I hung a few lights on the inside of the house and Momma was decorating this and that as well.

A big pot of venison stew was simmering on the stove, fireplace was crackling and the lights were shimmering.  What more can a guy ask for?  Yep! but that came later!

Happy Holidays

-Bushman

Christmas Tree Day.......Yowza!

It's Saturday morning.  6:06 am.  I have approximately one half of an hour to complete this post and get my ass in the kitchen and start breakfast.  I used up a lot of morning time reading blogs and dropping a comment here and there so I need to hurry.
Today is our annual expedition to "harvest" a Christmas tree.  Is harvest the correct word?  I mean you harvest corn and wheat and you harvest your garden but those are things you eat.  Can you eat a Christmas tree?  I suppose if you hang enough candy canes on it you could.  Smells like gin though.
So are we going to "take" a Christmas tree?  Once again that verb is used for things like squirrels, turkey and deer.  Which brings the whole consumption thing back into play.  So would you use the pine needles like you would a sprig of rosemary?
How about "find"?  We are going out to "find" a Christmas tree.  Although on more than one occasion the children of the house have peeked into the cupboards and the fridge and I hear"I can't "find" anything to eat''
Here we go again.  Perhaps I'm just hungry this morning.  What about the stump?  You could slice it and serve it with gravy on top and a side of mashed ornaments.  I suppose that is reminiscent of school lunches in Jr. high school.
Now we come to the decision that there are numerous words used to "whatever" a Christmas tree.
Harvest, find, take,gather,steal,chop,cut,chainsaw,dynamite,bobcat,excavator,chained to the back of the truck,pulled from the top of some guys station wagon,purchased,traded,barter, oh the list goes on and on so I will quit.  So you ask what are we actually going to do today?
We are going to GET a Christmas tree today.  No sense in complicating matters. (although the dynamite seems intriguing)
Leaving the house at 7:45am.  Not a nice warm departure at say...10am because some kids (I won't say who) have other engagements during the normal Christmas Tree hours.  I don't mind early but I do mind 10 degrees. 
Being the good sport that I am takes patience I will be up early, have breakfast ready,(bacon eggs and toast) and the truck will be warming up.  They on the other hand will probably be still hitting the snooze button as I wait in the truck and we will be forced to speed to the tree lot (speeding ticket and cocky patrolman inserted here) grab(another word for the list) the closest tree to the parking lot (nasty gnarled up half needled, mostly dead juniper bush) and high tail it back home (damn that cop still in the same spot, should've known) and back home to eat the last piece of bacon still on the grease stained paper plate before it has even fully cooled.  Christmas tree $45, speeding ticket #1 $145, speeding ticket #2 $365, gasoline for the "race" truck $45   Spending the morning with your family in the freezing cold getting a Christmas Tree...priceless.
That is why they make beer folks!
 Now to decorate......

Thirsty Thursday and Friday's Top Ten!

Gol' Dang it's cold in here this morning!
Dressed in my usual morning attire, underwear, I wander downstairs to feed the dogs.
From there I finish getting dressed, tennis shoes and a coat, and head outside to allow the dogs to relieve themselves.  Poignant, I know.  Gosh Darn it's cold out here I tell them as they wander around, noses to the snow that was not supposed to accumulate last night.  Gunner doesn't mess around as usual and gets right to business but little meth lab Remmi heads straight for the tree line.  I hear a deer run away.  I hear Remmi run away. 
Mother crapper that snow is cold in the tennis shoes as I plod through it headed for the treeline with hopes of recovering the dear yellow little freak before the hair on my legs freezes and falls off.
I am not dressed for a trek.  Normally I stand right outside the door and normally they come running back within a few minutes.  So picture a half naked fat guy running around in the snow, whisper calling at his dog so he doesn't get the neighbors dogs barking.  It doesn't work and they sound off.  Their barks louder than ever in the cold air.  Finally a streak of yellow appears far out in the distance only visible thanks to the light snow accumulation that wasn't coming according to the weather morons.
Back in the house we go and quickly I empty the snow from my shoes before it melts fully.
That was how I started my day.  It worsened from there as I had to work overtime yet again.
Out at noon, lunch, a nap, a couple cold ones and I'm back in the saddle again.
Thirsty Thursday was a go last night but it was too thirsty and I never made it to the computer.
Tony stopped by (Tony is featured here which coincidentallyy is my first top ten post ever) and he brought with him two six packs of Leinenkugels.  A classic Amber for me and Berry Weiss for him.  A couple of Miller Lites before hand made for an exceptional night.  (lousy morning)
So without anymore discussions of fat naked men in the snow chasing down meth labs I give you my Top Ten of the week.  As always, you decide good or bad because frankly my dear I don't ....sorry!

#1  Welcome to my new followers,  Elliot Micheal McLeod, Yandie Goddess of Pickles, Gene Pool Diva, Train to Nowhere, Powdered Toast Man and The Angry Lurker.  (I normally welcome new followers in my top ten but have been way behind, forgive me.  Also too lazy to link them but they are in my read list so check 'em out.  I wouldn't have them if they weren't cool!)
#2  We have a fresh new blanket of snow.  (not quite enough to shovel though)
#3  6 hours of Christmas overtime today.  (that should be enough for some dollar store mittens)
#4  A 25 cent an hour raise at work.  (No I'm not special everyone got one)
#5  I am now officially making 27 cents an hour.  (How much does stuff cost in the dollar store?)
#6  My plan for the day was installing gutters on the front of the garage and hanging Christmas lights.  (too   cold and snowy, pass me another beer please)
#7  Our first annual Holiday Euchre tourney and party is next weekend.  (Were on a roll.  One in a row now)
#8  So far this week I am winning the battle with the propane tank.  (son of a $%&* I need to cut more wood already)
#9  We have decided on a new layout for our kitchen/dining room.  (Santa just needs to fork over some Benjamins now)
#10  Tomorrow is Christmas tree day! ( One of my favorite sports.  I always win )
Have a great weekend and stay warm my friends!

-Bushman

Poo and Cigars...breakfast of champions!

Man does my cat ever poop a lot.  How can such a tiny little rat be filled with so much poo?
I need to move this computer downstairs soon.  I just cleaned the litter and now he's in there dropping a deuce.  WTF?  Makes you sort of feel diminished, perhaps bonded into servitude once the little freak joined the household.  I shouldn't have to scoop another creature's poo while my hand is a mere 6 inches away from that crunchy little tootsie roll!  At least with the dogs I can use a shovel and stand upwind.
All I can say is he's lucky I have a serious chipmunk and mouse problem.  Outside people!  I don't have chipmunks and mice scampering about my house.  (yet) 
I haven't seen a chipmunk in awhile.  Maybe they are down in Cozumel for the winter.  I'm sure they pawned off all the birdseed they stold from me.  As hard as I try I just can't see the cuteness in a chippy.  I mean c'mon;  Alvin, Simon, Theodore?  They will drive you bat shit crazy in no time at all.   I can almost hear them now, in their little high pitched voices.  "Gee Dave, Bushman is a lot stupider than he looks.  We nabbed 10 lbs of bird seed off that moron."  Then they break into song.

Bushman, Bushman,
what a moron is he
Bushman, Bushman
all the birdseed you need

Although I'm sure the lyrics would be different and they would have a guest appearance with Lady GaGa.

Everything is always tied to something else.  You notice that?  I start talking about poo and trace it all the way back to Lady GaGa.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.
I'm sure if I thought about it I could get Kevin Bacon in there somehow.  But I won't.  And I will start sentences with conjunctions all night long.  I've seen it done and sometimes it works.
Speaking of work.  I had to work today.  On a Saturday no less.  Oh well.  Time for a beer or ten.

Now I live in a bi-level, which is nice, there is usually at least one level that is clean at any given time.  And (see I told you) you get more exercise in a bi-level.  For instance:
I am precariously perched upon a crappy office chair in the far North East corner of the house, upper level.
My beer is in the garage which is in the far South West corner of the house and down two flights of stairs.
I drink light beer (usually) which contains about 96 calories.  If I leave the beer in the garage then I will burn up to 10 calories on my trek to retrieve it.  So every 8 beers calls for a free one.  Math.  Never one of my strong points then again neither was sobriety.  Speaking of sobriety......no wait I can't remember...never mind.
I stopped on my way home from work and picked up a couple cigars.  I haven't had a smoke in a long time.  Problem is it's cold in the garage.  So my idea is to have a few beers, burn about 40 calories, (you do the math) and head down to the garage for a smoke.  Beer makes things warmer in case you didn't know.  It's a short term thing (like employment in this state) but long enough for a small cigar.  Of course while I'm down there I will have a couple more beers with my cigar.  Calories burnt...not enough to count.  Who cares what is this Jenny Craig goes to Milwaukee with a boat full of Cubans?  I would watch that by the way.  Of course I'll watch just about anything.  The other night I watched Rudolph.  My favorite part is where he lands on the island and meets the little meth head Charlie in the Box.  You know that guy is screwed up.  How'd ya like to watch that movie on magic mushrooms?  Makes you wonder if those square wheels on the choo choo would be round after all and the abominable snow man was actually Lou Ferigno and it was misspelled and should have been the abdominal snowman?  Hey enough with the grateful dead innuendos it's Christmas season after all.  I have a bag full of lights to put up on the house.  I figure I would get them up around the 23rd.  No I'm not a procrastinator just a realist is all.  I am hoping our Christmas this year is budget minded.  If so people will be giving me the presents I am suppose to give to them.  It really is a holiday based on money.  Depressing sometimes.  I just wanna hang out with friends and family, eat, drink and be merry.  Except for that one relative because he always wants to be gay instead of merry and I don't do well with that.
Well hells bells I've reached the 40 calorie mark and as promised headed down for a smoke.  Remember everything is related.  I started out talking about poo and ended up with a bunch of crap. Kinda makes you wonder eh?
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!
-Bushman

Thirsty Thursday and My Top Ten

Hey there and welcome back to old protocol.
My mind twists and bends with the wind but eventually it snaps back. (for now)
It has been a crazy week.  I'm a bit tired, emotionally stoned, a little frazzled and just for shits and giggles I was a little joyful with all the snow.  So without further ado we shall commence.
My thirsty Thursday consists of a simple Miller Lite.  I do have to work tomorrow so I must be responsible.  After all we are all adults.....aww who am I kidding only some of you are adults the rest of us will wake up with a headache in the morning. 
We had a beautiful snowstorm on Tuesday night that dumped about 6-8 inches of wet heavy snow causing massive power outages throughout the area.  Including work and sadly my home for 2 days.
Our fireplace, a small propane heater and a good dose of sunlight kept the house around 60 degrees for the most part and a quick run to the in laws for water kept us in good spirits.  Camping at home I call it.
My brother in law Al dropped off a generator for us and that allowed me to catch up on some cooking shows.  What do you mean it was to run the furnace? 
I have some more great pics I will share with you perhaps Friday or Saturday.

On the down side we lost our pregnancy on Monday.  It started on Thanksgiving and continued all weekend and finally Monday it was finished.  She was 10 weeks along.  I'm sorry but I just won't be a Dad in this lifetime.  Maybe next.
On a lighter note or darker....here is my Top Ten for the week and as always good or bad you decide.  After all everyone is entitled to their own opinion....even on my own blog!

1.  I had two hot dogs and a piece of turkey lunch meat for Thanksgiving  (Turkey may contain up to 5% water)
2.  Blue Cross Blue Shield will be getting a bill for about 6 million dollars. (Going rate for two full days in the ER)
3.  Spent way too much time in the hospital  (I did manage to pocket some nail scrubbers, latex gloves, a pee bottle and a couple body markers)
4.  Snow storm Tuesday night was fun.  (we sat in the window and watched cars get stuck on the hill all night)
5.  Power outage at work.. SNOW DAY  (at home too so I got to play with the snow blower)
6.  Dogs had a blast in the 8 inches of fresh snow.  (there is not one spot of snow without a dog track in it now)
7.  Power came on Wednesday night  (no excuse for being dirty now)
8.  Working for straight time on a Friday?  Bullshiznit I call it  (should've expected it)
9.  Just pulled all the Christmas decorations down from the rafters  (There goes the electric bill....bring it on)
10.  Despite the crazy, emotional roller coaster of a week my Crazy Needle has remained stationary.  (Shocker!)

That's it!  if you were expecting more read the title of the post Jackwagon it says top ten not twelve or sixteen...geez!
-Bushman