If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Friday, August 30, 2013

It's take your kid to the bar day!

"What the fuck are you talking about kid?"  Drops of dark brown tobacco spit sprayed the young boy's face as the man in the tattered jeans and dusty cowboy boots raised his arm in a threatening gesture.
" I need a quarter for the Pac Man game", the boy answered.
"Get the hell outta here before I put a boot up your ass!" He spurted at him again.
The boy turned and walked away from the man and just as he was about to exit the door of the dimly lit, smoke filled bar the boy stopped.  He turned and stared at the man.
He was sitting sideways on his bar stool.  One leg up on the rung and the other planted firmly on the floor.
His boots were scuffed and stained from too many ill aimed tobacco spits.  The boy noticed the bottom of the boot up on the rung of the stool.  It was smooth.  He smiled.  No traction on the hardwood floor of the bar with those things.  He stared at the man and backed one step closer to the door.
"Hey", he hollered.
"Hey numb nuts", He said even louder.

The man stopped talking and turned to look at the boy.
"Are you talking to me you little whistle dick?", the man answered.

"Do you see any other dumb fuck that looks like a numb nuts in here?", the boy answered.
"Why don't you stick a finger in your mother's cunt and pull out a plum", he hollered.

The man scrambled to his feet as the boy ducked out the door.  His boots afforded no traction just as the boy had suspected and his all out sprint for the door to catch the the young man did not go as planned.  By the time he reached the door, he could not stop and as his boots slid on the oaken slats, his mind bent with fury, he did not notice the piece of trim that separated the oak floor from the tile entrance.  His toe stubbed the slight piece of trim and he toppled head over heels smashing his face into the door frame.

He crumpled to the floor in a heap.  A river of blood began to creep across the floor.  The man gasped his last breath and lay still.

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"Please rise for sentencing", the man in the black robe said mundanely, almost lazily.  The court appointed attorney elbowed him and motioned him up with his head.
The boy rose to his feet, his eyes wide with fear.  .  His mother was not there.  He had not seen her since the day he had scrambled from the bar, leaving her on her bar stool talking to the man in the cowboy boots.

"The jury finds you guilty of involuntary  manslaughter.  Due to your age the court sentences you to 7 years in a juvenile detention center."
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?", the judge asked him as he stifled a yawn.

"Yeah I do", said the boy!

"Go fu...................

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Hey there blog readers!  Just a bit of a story to get the keys  warmed up.

Not much goin on here.  Same ol same ol.
I have the parts ordered for the chimney to complete the "through the wall" process.
As soon as those get here I can finally finish the main chimney and close off the wall.

Looking forward to cool fall weather.  Having a bon fire party tomorrow night to kick summer outta here!  Hopefully it won't be just me and the dogs!
Not much left to talk about.  Momma and the kids will be leaving tonight.  Headed for Chicago and a weekend soccer tournament.  I'm all by myself this weekend.  Hmmmm  what kind of trouble can I get in?


Cheers,
Bushman


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Hey, did you know there is a hole in your wall?

Good morning and Sunday Salutations to all, except that prick at work.  You can go eat your own boogers!

I was up way too early for a Sunday.  5:30

Oh well.  I lay there in bed thinking about how great that first cup of coffee is gonna taste out of my new Kuerig coffee pot that Mom and Pops got me for my birthday.  It lures me out of bed every time.

I worked a bit of overtime this Friday which was great because I needed extra money to purchase the new chimney system.  With the dough I saved over the summer selling a little firewood and the overtime I was within $40 of covering the pieces I bought.  They were up in Cadillac, Mi which is roughly 2 1/2 hours away.  The nice lady actually drove down and met me about 6 miles from my house.  She was on her way to Jackson and was kind enough to make a little detour.  She was able to get 7 -36" pieces of chimney pipe in her car.  Unfortunately for her there were 2 sections that were already locked together and she couldn't get them apart so they were sticking out of her trunk and secured with a bungee cord.  She said the entire trip her dashboard was dinging and telling her that the trunk was ajar!  OMG can you imagine that?  Ding, ding, ding, your trunk is ajar, ding, ding, ding........   That would be like taking children on a road trip except you can't duct tape the voice in the dashboard!

I made a great deal with her as what I bought (which was new and never used) would have cost $1282 plus tax at the store and I grabbed it for $525. (and she delivered)  I was pretty happy.


Momma and I delivered the rooster to the brother in laws house and grabbed a load of wood while we were there and on the way home we stopped at a yard sale and found this antique kettle for $7.  Will be perfect for the wood stove.


Then we stopped to see her parents and they gave us this cast iron dutch oven
I will clean both pieces up and they will be sweet setting on the stove.


I made 7 quarts of salsa with this haul out of the garden




This is going in the freezer.  I'm still trying to perfect my canned salsa recipe.  It's good but not great.  I don't do good so who knows how long it will take but I have plenty of peppers and tomatoes to figure it out.

Then after dinner I got restless (shocker) so I decided to tinker around with the fireplace and tinkering turned into all full blown removal!


I had to cut out a row of brick but I put a drop cloth down to catch most of the mortar chips.  The rest will serve as cat toys because Dash will love batting them around on the wood floor.  
It was all done and cleaned up by 9 pm and momma would just shake her head at me every time she walked by.  She said," Really?  You pick this time to do it?"   
Apparently me chiseling bricks was interfering with Criminal Minds or Sue Thomas FBI or Robert Downey Jr DUI!  
(really I don't think it bothered her that much we just like to give each other a hard time)

Once I have the new chimney in place I will frame in the hole and drywall it and then cover the hole with brick again.  It is only "face" brick.  1/2" thick and you glue it to the wall and then mortar in the joints.  It looks and feels real but it's not.  Sort of like the women from the Real Housewives TV episodes!

That was all I did yesterday.  Sort of a slacker day!  

Enjoy your upcoming week!
-Bushman



Saturday, August 24, 2013

Chimneys and illegal cock and snake fights!

What a week!  Summer is trying to make a comeback or rather a show.  After a mild summer with cool temps we are now experiencing summer like weather with highs in the upper 80s.  A little late but what are you gonna do?  The garden likes it.  The tomatoes and peppers are coming in like mad now and the rush is on to get everything canned and put up in the pantry.


But first I have a few errands to get done.  This morning I am meeting a lady from Northern Michigan here in town.  She is delivering the chimney system that I bought.
After that I am taking Bubba, the rooster, to his new home at my brother in laws house and while I'm there I am filling my truck and trailer full of wood that we cut last year.
Then we are stopping to visit with the wife's parents.  Her Dad has bladder cancer and is going through chemo treatments right now.  They plan on removing his entire bladder in November.  It's pretty hard on him.

Then it will be back home to unload all the wood and the chimney system and then on to the garden.

I started removing the old chimney last night.  I wanted to make sure I measured it right. (good thing because I measured wrong and had to buy an extra piece)  So up on the roof top (click, click, click) I went and removed the chimney cap and started sliding the inner liner out of the chimney system.  It is made up of three different size tubes.  8" in the middle, 10" next and 12" on the outside.  So I began pulling the 8" tube out.  Straight up in the air it went for 20 feet.  It was getting pretty heavy by foot number 15 and I almost couldn't do it.  Eventually I got it out and threw it off the roof.  Then I had a beer!

The other day I found a snake in the grass and the dogs did too.  They ended up chasing it into the chicken coop where it was a three way standoff.  It was comical and I have it on video!

Chickens vs Snake vs Dogs


He eventually slithered his way out of the grass and I made sure he had safe passage to the woods.  I was impressed by his tenacity.  Tough little guy.  Hopefully he eats a ton of mosquitoes out there in the woods!

That's all for now,
Here, hold my cock and pullet please!  (chicken humour)
-Bushman

Monday, August 19, 2013

So what are you wearing...Jake from State Farm?

And it begins!

But first.....
A picture of the fully painted wood stove!


Picking up the chimney system this weekend.  The person from Craigs List accepted my offer.

Tomatoes are coming in strong in the garden.  Sweet corn is all done for the season along with the cucumbers and bush beans.  So far I have made 1 quart and 8 pints of salsa.  6 pints and 3 quarts of pickles and 2 quarts of pickled banana pepper rings.
This weekend I will be shutting down some of the raised planting beds in the garden.  The cuckes, bush beans and onions.  I will remove the vegetation and then staple some cardboard squares on top of the beds.  This will keep the weeds out and any debris that may accumulate over winter.  Next spring I just take off the cardboard and I'm ready to plant.  I will do that with each bed in the entire garden as the plants stop producing.

Tonight I had a visitor for dinner.  Jake. (from state farm)
Kaitlin's new boyfriend.  Check that, she says it's not her boyfriend they are just seeing each other.
I guess they don't say boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.  I'm not sure about all the rules of "seeing" someone but I saw him tonight as he walked up the steps. I saw him as he left the table and I saw him as he left the house.  Hopefully that doesn't qualify.   If he tries kissing me then there's gonna be trouble.

I started calling him Jake from State Farm as soon as I heard his name.  It just sticks.  Especially because she was kinda secretive about him at first.  It's better than what her Dad calls him......Queerbate!

He seems like a nice enough kid.  I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for a little while.  (queerbate from state farm)
Tomorrow I have to help a friend cut up a big tree in their front yard.  The power company cut it down and there chainsaw isn't up to the task.  That's what friends are for!

For the next couple weeks it will be nothing but canning and woodstove/chimney work around here so don't expect too much from me.  Time to start prepping for winter.  I never thought I would ever wish summer would be over.  I think I'd rather be cold than hot.  Can it just be October and November all year?

Later,
-Bushman

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Oops I did it again!

Well it appears that I have done it once again folks.

Peed the bed you say?
No, heck no, I haven't done that since I turned 16.  (and those few other times after way too many beers)

I could keep you guessing all day.  Heck, with all the things I get into you don't have a fair chance so I'll just show you.


Yep its a wood stove.
It's going in my house.  Sounds easy enough right?

First off I traded manual labor for the stove.  I don't have much for excess cash so I tend to trade my back for things.  It will probably lead to an early death or a prolonged, miserable existence in a wheelchair but I'll be able to look back (if I can turn my head) and say it was worth it.  I saved thousands and thousands of dollars.  With all that extra money I will be able to customize my wheelchair!  Pin stripes, nitrous, hey you name it I'll do it.

In my house now is what they call a pre-fab fireplace.  It is basically a zero-clearance fireplace insert.
It is supposed to be more for aesthetics than it is for home heating.  Of course with my McGyver instincts and my tightwad, Jewish pocketbook I have turned it into a home heating system.  Sort of.

For 2 seasons now I have been a slave to this fireplace.  Feeding it wood relentlessly.  It's like a nest full of baby birds.  They gulp down the food the worn out mother brings them and immediately start screaming for more.  Fireplace is the same way.  Every 20 minutes I run downstairs to throw a few more logs on.
If the fire begins to die down the chimney begins to cool and I start losing the draft and next thing you know the house smells like smoke.  So run back downstairs and feed it more wood.
If I cram as much wood in the fireplace as I can it will burn for about an hour. I don't like to because if it doesn't burn right then a piece will inevitably fall out and hit the floor.
With the new stove I should be able to get 4-5 hour burn times.  That is an incredible savings on wood and my knees from running up and down stairs every 20 minutes.  Not to mention that being a free standing wood stove the heat that will radiate from the entire unit will be pretty intense.

All that said, going back to the whole pre-fab fireplace thing.  The chimney is designed to only be used with the fireplace.  It is not rated for a wood stove.  I don't want to burn the house down.  Guess who needs to install an entire new chimney system?  Yep.  How'd ya guess?

So I started the project this week.


Most of the chimney is accessible through the garage if I remove the drywall and plywood.
First thing was to remove the existing chimney from the fireplace so it can be pulled out from inside.

That's as far as I got.
Started looking for new chimney pipe and I found some on Craig's List.  I offered the person a fair price and they accepted yesterday but I haven't heard back since emailing them asking for address to pick it up.
I will call in a few hours to check.  It's a nice savings over buying from store.  Even though its a bit of a drive to go get it.

I started cleaning the stove yesterday and once I finished it put on the first coat of hi-temp paint.  She is looking good!


The doors are cleaned but I ran out of paint.  Momma brought some home and I will finish doors today.

I'm pretty excited about this and it should really help heat the home this winter and save on the propane bill.

Now I can sell the fireplace and recoup some of the cost.

Goodbye fireplace



Happy Heating,
-Bushman 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

WTF was that?

He opened the blinds with his thumb and forefinger.  Peeking outside to make sure the coast was clear.  He had picked up this habit ever since that fateful day and had continued it since.
The coast was indeed clear and he reached for the doorknob.  Just as he was about to turn the handle he felt something brush against his leg, he froze.

Ever since he had seen that giant wood spider in the shed he panicked every time something touched him.
That spider was as big as a baseball.  He had almost called 911 when he saw it.  Almost.  Instead he had ran back into the garage and grabbed a can of wasp and hornet killer off the shelf and when he returned to the shed the monster was staring at him with all of his terrible eyes.  He emptied the can at the beast and it flailed around in defiance, still clinging to the rafter and finally fell and landed in his golf bag.  The 8 legged carnivore had rattled the clubs in the bag as it tumbled through the mess of fairway woods and irons.  He was scarred for life.

He looked down at his leg, heart pounding, and saw his little yellow dog staring intently up at him.  He had to pee and was almost out of patience waiting for his human to peep through the blinds checking for skunks, coons or possums.

One time he had tangled with an opossum and now his human had to check every single time.  "Sheesh", the little dog thought.  He had got the better of the critter and thought his human would have been proud but he also knew that humans didn't think like dogs did so he just blew it off but he also understood that when his human peeked through the blinds that he had lost any chance of chasing a wild critter.  He still couldn't resist busting through the door as soon as it opened and sprinting out into the yard like there was something out there.  It was fun and little yellow dogs love fun.

This morning he had sprinted out into the yard, checked in every direction for trespassers and cocked his leg. Big brown dog had copied his every move.  His full out sprint was so convincing that brown dog always thought that something was actually in the yard.  Yellow dog was quite amused by this, another reason to keep doing it.  Brown dog wasn't as smart as yellow dog.  In fact if they had rode the school bus into town with the children in the morning he was convinced that brown dog's bus was most assuredly the shorter one.
He smiled in his sheepish yellow dog way and turned to sniff a stump when he heard the most awful sound.  His ears perked and his eyes widened.  A slight shudder ran up his legs, through his body and exited at the tip of his tail.  What in the heck was that?  Brown dog stood next to him with a look of terror on his face.

The man cursed the dog as he tore through the door, almost knocking his legs out from underneath him.  Damn dog there's nothing out there, I already looked.  He watched as the two dogs made their way into the yard to perform their morning rituals, a pee here, a pee there, sniff this and sniff that.  He was just about to call them back when a horrible noise pierced the morning peacefulness.
It was coming from the direction of the chicken coop.  The dogs had froze in their tracks and were staring with the most surprised, if not scared look on their faces.
The morning air was still, the birds had been singing but after the noise had shattered the music of the morning all was eerily quiet.  He listened intently.  A few moments passed and then the sound repeated itself.

He laughed out loud breaking the tension.  The dogs looked at him like he was nuts, laughing at such a horrible sound.  "C'mere boys, it's just the.....

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Oh man was it ever funny seeing the looks on those dogs faces.  Apparently at least one of our new chickens is a rooster and he is learning how to crow!
Being so young he hasn't figured out how to do it properly.
It sounds like a teenage girl getting stepped on by a horse while squeezing a whoopee cushion.  It is awful and funny at the same time.
Now it seems as though I have to make some chicken soup or see if I can trade him for a hen.  I don't need a rooster.  It's bad enough we have a male duck.  I'm down to one egg laying bird and that is only if the other chicken is a hen.  Still not sure yet.
He is a very pretty bird though if anyone is interested.  I suppose I could take him to the Chinese restaurant in town.  I could get rid of the rooster and the duck that way.  Heck probably the cat too!

It's gonna be a great day today.  I think I will be making the inaugural batch of salsa for the season.
Also back on this day in 1974 the world was blessed with one more whacko!   ME!!

Cheers
-Bushman

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Sun-Shiny Sunday

Good morning and Sunday salutations to all of you!

A very bright sunrise here this morning.  Looks to be a nice day again.  Yesterday I think our high was around 75 degrees.  A little cool for summer but I'll take it.  Way better than the 90's.

We didn't do much yesterday.  Momma took one of the UK coaches to the mall and to tour the campus of Michigan State University while the other one stayed home with me.  He is more my style.  Ritz is his name.  Well it's a nickname.  He sat on the back deck under the umbrella all day catching up on episodes of Breaking Bad on his lap top.  I think he enjoyed the solitude and the rest so I let him be.

I was going to prepare them a classic American dinner of BBQ chicken, macaroni salad, sweet corn and fresh sliced tomatoes from the garden but they decided they were headed back to Chicago that evening and as soon as Momma returned from the mall they packed up and left.  Kaitlin peeled out of here shortly after that to go see her boyfriend, "Jake" (from State Farm).

So it was just Momma and I and any attempts I made at "advanced bio chemistry" were met with disdain as someone had a hangover from going out with the Brit and the Brazilian the night before. So needless to say it was a very quiet night.  I finished the huge dinner only because it was already prepped.

I had a big package of chicken thighs that I skinned and de-boned and had in a mojito lime marinade.
It is way cheaper to buy them with the skin and bone in them and just skin and bone them yourself.  Of course your left with the extra skin and bones and I put them all in a pot with some veggies and made a nice stock that I will freeze for use at a later date.  It's a good way to use up the extra stuff in your fridge.  I had some carrots that needed to go and also some celery that I used for the macaroni salad.  You always have leftover celery!  Tossed in an onion that was beginning to sprout.  The house smelled like chicken soup all day!




I went out and got some pics of the new north planting bed as promised.
This is a shot coming down my back deck steps.  The new bed begins just around the corner.








Here is the before.  I really trimmed up the rhododendron as well.  It needed to breathe!


The garden is really coming on strong.  I have had some issues this year and with a little research and changing a few things for next year hopefully I will overcome!

Tomatoes are beginning to ripen.  I ate my first one last night.  The sweet corn is really good and some of the pepper plants are kicking it into high gear.  







These are the Zinnia flowers I grew from seed this spring.  They turned out pretty good.




Last but not least on my busy little acre are my little fowl friends!
Louie the duck and Hubba and Bubba the chickens.


Louie is a Swedish Black Duck and Hubba and Bubba are Plymouth Barred Rocks.

Oh and I also washed and waxed my truck yesterday.  


My step brother Jason will be in town this week on business.  He works for Fed Ex up north and is doing some training down here in Lansing.  He will be popping in from time to time this week for a good meal and a cold beer.  Thursday night he will be staying here and I think we will do some more wings by the campfire and then Friday morning I am taking him to work to tour a few of the plants.  We are currently building a fleet of 1900 Fed Ex trucks and I think he'll like that along with a tour of the firetruck cab and chassis line.  Should be pretty fun for him.

OK I'm off and running.  It's way too nice to just sit around.  There is probably something that needs fixing, cooking, planting, building, canning or tinkered with!

Have a great week!
-Bushman














Saturday, August 3, 2013

Hey! Who ate all the cookies?

First off a huge thank you to whoever left the brand new unopened bag of chocolate and vanilla sandwich cream cookies at my house last night!  They were a huge hit with my coffee this morning.  I love dunking them in  he strong, hot coffee.  With no one awake in the household I am afforded the luxury of gobbling them up, dunk after dunk without the nuisance of someone telling me, " save some for someone else".
When they all wake up no one will know that half of the cookies were not consumed last night....errrr well those who don't read this will be none the wiser!  Tah Dah!

We had a good time at the annual UK soccer coach appreciation bon fire night!  Guests began arriving at 8pm and I had the fire already going and the food was out on the table.  I had the finest in cuisine prepared for my guests.  The ever popular 'Hot Dog' and it's companion, 'The Bun'.  I also made a big bowl of macaroni salad.  Guess where the eggs for the salad came from?
The store of course because my birds are not laying yet.  Either they are roosters or are just holding out for brighter days!  They should be starting any day now.

Guests brought an assortment of goodies.  Obviously cookies!  There were brownies (not magical ), fruit platter, chips, pasta salad, probably a few other things that I did not see as I was busy with the deep fryer.  I used my turkey fryer with the fish basket to make two big batches of french fries.  Everybody loves fresh french fries.  Of course there was a beer in almost everyone's' hand which was good because yesterday was international beer day. (in case you didn't know)

It was over almost as fast as it began.  Some of the UK coaches wanted to go to the bars and once they left with two of the host parents the party fizzled right out.  Oh well!
I cleaned everything up last night so I didn't have to do it this morning. (it's like I knew I would be a couch cookie)  I was in bed by midnight!

2 nights in a row for me.  On Thursday night we had a wing night by the campfire as well.  My two children and I had a fun evening.  Using the same fryer set up as mentioned above we fried up chicken wings, hearts and gizzards and french fries.  I had a honey BBQ sauce as well as a buffalo sauce for the wings.

I take that back.  All four of my children!



I also used my new pressure canner yesterday.  It works great and it keeps all the humidity out of the house because there isn't a giant pot of water boiling for hours on end.  I made a batch of pickles and had the house smelling like dill all day.  It didn't bother me.  I like the smell of dill.



I also noticed that I have a ripe tomato in the garden.  Consider that guy eaten!  My sweet corn turned out really good this year.  I've been looking for new ways to cook it.  I will be canning or freezing a bunch of it but I really like eating it fresh so I'll try eating as much as possible while it's in season.  I found a few good recipes to try like:

Bacon corn


Corn and tomato salad


Spanish corn



I also have a pumpkin as big as a beach ball and quite a few watermelons!

I have finished the excavation of the new North flower bed and will get some pics today.  I need to add some topsoil, plants and mulch.  I will wait on the plants until fall so I can get them on sale and fall is a great time to plant anyways.

Enough for now I have something that needs my immediate attention......


Happy Cookies,
-Bushman

Friday, August 2, 2013

Caption Crazy!

I didn't know what to post this morning so here are a set of pics all taken by me and each one has a little caption to go with it.  Yes I changed the format again.  The other one was too hard to read I think.





Don't mess with me or I'll sick my alien dog on you!


You might be a redneck if.....(I had to finish painting somehow)


Meet John he's a deer.  (Where do you think they got the name from?)


That is one cranky wench!




I found the boat winch on the side of the street.  I drove by it on Wednesday and decided if it was still there on Thursday I would grab it.  Thursday came and I drove by and it was still there so I jumped out of the truck and unhooked the boat and removed the nuts and bolts that held it to the trailer and tossed it in the back of my truck.  Finder's Keepers is what I say!  (really it was laying against a sign post)

Sweet corn is ready in the garden and it is very good this year.  Not much else is ready.  Peppers are getting there.  Can't wait for salsa time!

Have a great weekend!
-Bushman