If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Its 19 degrees and I'm Already Thinking About Lawnmowing

Hello and welcome to Sunday,

Today will mark my last post before the A to Z challenge begins on Wednesday.
There is still time to enter the challenge.  Just click on the badge on the right side of the screen!

I have modified the blog look slightly to allow easier reading of the month long challenge posts.
Unfortunately, I can't see it through your computer so if you see any problems with your view please comment and I will correct them.

I have decided not to trade the truck in.  The dealerships will not offer enough for my current truck.  I was a bit appalled at their offer and promptly walked out the door.  I will probably keep this one until the wheels fall off it.  It's a good truck anyways.

On to the next thing - lawnmowers.

The current mower I have is about 25-30 years old.  I know that seems pretty old for a lawnmower but it is a John Deere and back then they were built to last.

Two seasons ago I removed the engine, installed a new piston and rings and cleaned up the valves a little.  It had so much crud in the valves that it was burning a lot of oil.  Also, the rings were shot which didn't help much either.  After replacing all that the engine ran good for the next season but by the second season it was back to its old tricks again.  In order to fix it correctly I would need to have the cylinder bored and an oversize piston installed.  Not a huge deal but the mower is really starting to go downhill.  So I think I will sell it and buy a new one.

Meet my new mower




This is a Cub Cadet with a 54"cutting deck.  It has a 23 HP Kohler engine and will mow the lawn at 7 MPH.  Which is kind of silly because at those speeds you're sure to spill your beer!

I chose this one over the other competitors because of the construction.  It has a fabricated heavy duty steel framework.  The competition has a weak stamped construction and overall seemed a bit wimpy.

The 54" cutting width will be awesome.  They offer a smaller width of 46" but the savings is only $200.  It is the exact same tractor body and engine it just has a skinnier deck.  That's a no-brainer in my book.  

I really enjoy mowing my yard and I take special pains to make it look just right.  It's about time I had a nicer tractor to mow with.  At $2999 it is a pretty good deal.  The dealer is offering 18 months interest-free financing too so that helps when it comes to pulling the trigger.

A photo of my yard after a fresh mowing.


Signing out for now,
-Bushman


Friday, March 27, 2015

March is Winding Down

Well, here it is March 27th, just 4 days away from the beginning of the A to Z challenge.

I have 11 more posts to write and I will have all of my days covered.  Soon they will be loaded in auto post and I will be free to peruse the blogosphere reading everyone else's challenges and going about my daily ambassador duties.

I will be taking  a few days off at the end of April but by those dates the challenge will be almost over anyways.

It is still cold here.  Snow flurries swirled about my head this morning when I was out with the dogs. The wood stove is still cranking away.

The deer are venturing pretty close to the house these days.  Spring green-up needs to hurry so they can get some good stuff to eat.





The vegetables are doing well.  last night I picked out the best ones and discarded the rest.  The little grow house will only hold so many.


Today I am taking my truck in for some recall work.  Nothing major.
While I'm there I am going to see what kind of deal they can give me on a new one.

I know it's not old, it is a 2011, but right now it still holds a lot of value.  Plus there are a few minor quirks that are starting to bother me.

There are a couple tiny rust spots, which on my white truck, stick out like a sore thumb.
I am not a big fan of the engine it has.  It is a flex fuel engine with fuel saver technology.  Which basically means I can use ethanol for fuel (never have) and the fuel saver technology means that while driving it uses 8 cylinders but once I get up to speed it drops down to 4 cylinders.   Yes, it saves gas but I don't really care for the performance while towing or hauling wood and other things.

Not getting white this time!



I have a faithful service record of prompt oil changes.  I do them myself every 5000 miles using premium synthetic oil of the correct viscosity.  I baby my truck a little.  However after the last oil change the engine has developed a bit of a tick or knock.  It goes away once warmed up, but I still don't like it or what it may spell for the future.

A few other things to think about.

It will need new tires before winter.  $1200
It will need new brake pads and rotors  $ 250
The glass is broken on my truck cap.  It will be a few hundred to fix that.

So, before I sink that money into it, I might as well trade it in on a new one and have the dealership put a brand new cap on it and I can sell the old one.

I should end up with the same payment, maybe a few bucks more, but nothing substantial and I'll have a brand new truck.

We shall see.  I am amazed at the price of trucks.  The one I picked out online was around $44,000
That's just under half of what I paid for the house!

As a reminder, I will be updating the look of my page to fit the A to Z challenge so it may look weird for a few days.

I couldn't resist posting my favorite cartoon of all time.



Ciao for now,
-Bushman

Monday, March 23, 2015

A to Z Theme Reveal

Today is theme reveal day!

This is my third time participating in the A to Z challenge.

I confess I have never used a theme.  I have always been a spur of the moment type of guy and for me it was fun.  I admit I did get in a bit of trouble once in a while and had to generate some posts “Johnny on the spot” but in the end it all worked out.

This year I was invited by Arlee Bird to play a supporting role in the challenge as an Ambassador so I decided it would be in my best interest (and yours) to involve a theme as well as some scheduled pre-posting.

I am extremely busy this time of year so planning and scheduling are going to be paramount for a successful challenge as well as performing my duties as Ambassador.
So with all that said, (I know, I know, get to the point Mr. Rambler) I sat down one day to decide on a theme.  That didn’t work out so well – so I stood up, that didn’t work either.

I had a tough time trying to come up with a theme.  Everything I like is already on my blog and some of it is posted heavily.  Plus I wanted to be original, or as close to it as possible.  Last challenge I leaned heavily towards gardening, so much so, it almost turned into a theme, so I couldn’t really post about that.
I’m sure there is going to be plenty of food based challenges, as well as books and writing and photos and so on and so forth.  So here is what I came up with.  A little bit of everything!

My theme is a MYRIAD.
It will consist of 6 different categories or sub-themes.  Each one posted on the same day of the week as the last.  Like so…


Monday – Photos
Tuesday – Informational/DIY
Wednesday – Fiction
Thursday – Memoirs
Friday – Poetry
Saturday – Recipes


I put all the sub-themes in a hat and drew them out one by one and assigned them to a day, starting with Monday.  I wanted it to be as random as possible.  It worked out decent enough, although there are a few tough ones in there I haven’t figured out yet, but that’s what makes it fun.

I will be restructuring the layout on my blog and as such it will shut down sometime this coming weekend to prepare.

I look forward to reading all of the theme reveals when I get home from work today.
Cheers and happy blogging,

-Bushman

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Saturdays are the best.

Today is a special day.

Well, every day is a special day – when you’re on the right side of the dirt, I suppose.
First things first, most of my seeds have germinated and are doing fine.  4 days was all it took for some to pop out of their tiny seed husks.




I worked overtime yesterday, 9 hours to be exact.  That makes for a nice little deposit in the cabin account.

The weather is turning.  Friday was around 50 degrees.  It was nice.  The snow has all melted from my yard.  What it left in its wake was an awful sight.  I won’t disgust you with the details, but I’ll just say, “Two dogs, one long winter.”

My turkey permit arrived in the mail this week.  I will be headed north the weekend of April 24th to try my luck at hunting the elusive wild turkey.  I love turkey hunting.  The spring woods is amazing.  The sights and the smells as the forest awakens from winter are spectacular.




Hunting turkeys is challenging.  The first thing you need to do is locate a Tom turkey.  I usually will locate a flock of turkeys the night before and find out their general sleeping location or roost as we call it.  Once you find out what trees they are sleeping in you sneak in real quiet the next morning and set up as close as you can without spooking them.  They have incredible eyesight and can even pick you out in the dark. 
The Toms will begin gobbling at first light.  Calling to the hens around them.  Letting them know who is boss.  Your job is to imitate a hen and try to call that love sick Tom into range.  Trust me, this is a lot easier said than done.  I have only taken three Toms in my turkey hunting time. 

Today is also the day of the Ultimate Sports show in Grand Rapids.  I will be headed there with a friend from work.  Dad and I are headed into Canada this August for a fly-in fishing trip and the outfitter we chose will be at this show.  I want to pick their brain as I have a million questions.  Face to face is much better than e-mails and phone calls.



After that, I think I will come home, crack a beer, and fry up some chicken wings.

So what are your plans for the day?
Don’t forget about the A to Z Theme Reveal on Monday the 23rd.

How are your preparations for theA to Z Challenge coming along?

Whatever your plans I hope you enjoy the day!
Cheers,
Bushman

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Where Did Winter Go?

"Ummm....March?"

"Are you still there?"

"Where are you going so fast?  I'm not ready for April."



As a matter of fact, I'm not ready for tomorrow.

What happened to my long, dull winter?  You know, the one that drags on and on?  When February arrives it lasts 67 days and March takes 50?

I was going to write a book this winter.
I was going to have all my A to Z posts finished this winter.
I was going to do so many things this winter and now it's Spring.

So I made a new list for Spring of things to do.


No that's not the one, although that IS one!

Here it is:

Work on book
Finish A to Z posts
Read a book
Start seeds
Prep garden
Read a book
Add more chickens
Work on book
Replace French doors with slider
Build Pergola over the upper deck
Read a book
Work on book
See list above this one
Secure pork and beef
Plant garden
Clean yard
Fix truck cap
Wax truck

You get the idea.  I could go on and on.



So now that Spring is here I guess I'll get busy.


Have you been caught with your pants down like me?


Peace Out
-Bushman









Sunday, March 15, 2015

Can It Really Almost Be Spring?



Hello and welcome to Sunday.

Yet another day to spend mourning the loss of a perfectly good weekend in which you achieved nothing.  Also, a day to spend dreading the fact that you must return to work in…currently 21 hours.
Nah, Not really.  Sundays are OK with me.   Sundays are good for blogging.

So what’s new this week?

Friday night I took my daughter out to dinner.  We enjoyed some fabulous Chinese cuisine and talked a lot about her new job, which involves coffee and the various ways to serve it.  After that, we visited momma at her night job at the big home improvement store.  You know the one you can walk around in aimlessly for hours, all the while racking up ideas in your head for projects you know you’ll never have the time for, let alone the money to undertake?

Yeah, that one. 

In the short time I was there my imaginative process soared and had I of followed it, I may have spent upwards of $234,567.  Dangerous places they be.

I did find one thing, well maybe a couple things, which I just had to have.  One was a new indoor greenhouse.  If you remember (I know you won’t so here is the LINK) every year I build my own seed starting greenhouse.  This year I decided to skip that step and purchase one of the portable ones and save myself the grief of building and then deconstructing one.  This way really is easy and more convenient.



I picked up a few seed packets as well.  An assortment of tomatoes, sweet peppers, and hot peppers.  These are the ones I start first and then I will follow up with other, fast-growing vegetables, in a few weeks.
This new greenhouse has 4 levels and I only had enough grow lights for 2 so I picked up 2 more lights to add to it.  Today I will plant the seeds in my plastic flats that I re-use every year.  In eight or nine weeks, they will go in the garden and I will be perched in a lawn chair, soaking up sunshine and drinking a cold beer.

I have some extra work to do in the garden this year.  It is time for a crop rotation.  I need to move some of the planting boxes, re-route the irrigation lines and swap the corn and pumpkin patch.  It’s not good to plant the same veg in the same spots year after year.  They deplete the soil of the nutrients that each plant needs.  Rotating crops and adding compost assures that each plant never lacks the appropriate needs for excellent growth.

Last year the weather changed so quickly that I didn’t have time to clean up the garden before winter set in so I have to get this done as well.

So what do you plan on doing today?

Have you started your seeds yet?

Friday, March 13, 2015

I Must Be Crazy

Excuse me ladies and gentlemen,

THIS JUST IN...

It has been 110 hours-
since I breathed through my nose!

Que Music:

Click this play arrow>

Damn does it feel great and to top it off the weather outside is top notch.

I have been sick all week, starting Sunday afternoon.  Sore throat, headache, sinus pressure, cough and lots and lots of SNOT!

I had to work a little OT today and when I got home I celebrated by twisting the cap on a cold one and cleaning out the chicken coop!  Now that is a celebration.  Kool and his gang ain't got a thing on me!

Speaking of chickens...

Remember last post when I said I had a few things coming up?

No?  That's OK because I'm going to tell you right now anyways.

I was spurred into action by a recent film I watched about where our food comes from.
I was horrified, to say the least.  Angry, sad and almost physically sick.

Here is a link to one of the videos I watched.  WARNING!  It is graphic.  I think we owe it to the animals we eat to give them a better life.

AWFUL LINK  (this video promotes a vegan lifestyle...not my take)

I thought about it for some time and decided I could at least make a difference in the food I eat.
So I decided to raise my own food.  Most of it that is.

I'm not naive enough to think that I can survive totally on my own raised food, but I can at least help.
The best thing about it is the food taste better and it is actually cheaper.

I know a few people who raise cattle.  Open, grass fed cattle who are fat and happy and well taken care of.  They are quickly and humanely killed.  I can purchase a quarter of that cow for under $4 per pound.  Trust me it tastes so much better than corn fed cows packed in fattening pens.



I also decided to raise my own chickens.  I can have 25 chickens running around my yard without any problems at all.  Their diet is affordable especially if they forage in the yard every day eating bugs.
They will provide me with meat and eggs and the roosters will fertilize the eggs and the process will repeat itself.  I will always have access to fresh eggs and either freshly frozen chickens or chickens right from the yard.

I'm already a natural with chickens.


As far as the pork- well I'm working a few angles right now but I think I have it figured out.  I can raise my two pigs (I need two so one doesn't have to be alone).  Raise them both, fat and happy eating all the food they want plus all the leftovers from my kitchen (pig friendly) and they will get a ton of food out of the garden.  When it comes time to butcher them I will have a buyer lined up for one pig and the other I will process myself.  Quick, humane kills and nothing wasted either.  One pig takes about 6 months to raise to butcher weight.  That is more than enough pork for my family for one year.



That is my start.
I already grow a lot of vegetables.  I have honey bees on the property for honey and pollination.

So starting in the next couple weeks I will truly be opening the doors to Bushman's One Acre Farm.

I urge you to find new sources for the food you eat.  Not everyone can raise their own food, but there is always a farmer's market or local butcher shop that uses local animals raised in the right environments.

Ask questions.
Visit those farms
Talk to farmers and ranchers.

There is an alternative.

Well?  What do you think?

Happy Farming,
-Bushman










Sunday, March 8, 2015

Blogging, Writing, Eating and Old Friends



I've been asked on many occasions from all sorts of folk about blogging and writing.  Some of the questions are as such:

"What is a blog?"
"Does it cost money to have one?"
"Where do you blog at?"
"Can everyone read it - like the whole world?"

The writing questions are always the same:
The #1 question I get when someone discovers I am writing a book is, "How many pages have you written so far?"
"Is it going to be published?"
"Since when did you start writing?"


There are a few other questions, but these are the ones I am repeatedly asked.
So why not answer a few?




#1 What is a blog? Quoted below from Wikipedia

"A blog (a truncation of the expression weblog)[1] is a discussion or informational site published on the World Wide Web and consisting of discrete entries ("posts") typically displayed in reverse chronological order (the most recent post appears first). Until 2009 blogs were usually the work of a single individual[citation needed], occasionally of a small group, and often covered a single subject. More recently "multi-author blogs" (MABs) have developed, with posts written by large numbers of authors and professionally edited."
"On 20 February 2014, there were around 172 million Tumblr[4] and 75.8 million WordPress[5] blogs in existence worldwide. According to critics and other bloggers, Blogger is the most popular blogging service used today, however, Blogger does not offer public statistics.[6][7] Technorati has 1.3 million blogs as of February 22, 2014.

That is a lot of blogs.  There isn't much of a risk of standing out in this crowd.  The good news is with all of those blogs there are bound to be a good number that interest you.  Forming your own blog circles by following other blogs will always keep you in good reading.

#2 It does not cost any money to blog.  It does take up time which many folks equate to money but if you like doing it, then it doesn't cost a thing in my book.

#3 Blog hosts are set up on the world wide web and the main servers are named above.  Blogger, which is my host, is the most popular.  I have tried WordPress and didn't care for it.

#4 Yes, everyone can read it if your profile is set to public.  How they come across it is an entirely different thing.  For example, my #1 viewed post is How to Butcher a Deer.    (this is one of my very first posts from 2009 and could use some work)
Why?  What would you type in a google search bar if you wanted to know how to butcher a deer?
Exactly.  It might not pop up on the first page, but it is there.  Labeling your posts and including keywords that others would type into a search bar help in getting the public to view your blog.
I currently have 543 blog posts.  There has been a total of 79,397 views of my blog.
By blogging standards, this is just a drop in the bucket but I started from zero.



Onto the writing-
"How many pages have I written so far?"
I chuckle at that question because it always seems that people judge a book by how long it is.  If I were to answer 7,  I am 7 pages into it.  I would most likely get a look that said,"Oh you're a novelist huh?"
"If I answered 200 pages so far..." I get an entirely different response.
"Wow that is great!" and it leads to the next question.

"Are you going to publish it?"
I always want to answer this one with," No, I just got a really good deal on print paper from Office Max and couldn't pass up the opportunity to use it.  I normally line the bird cage with it when I'm done."
Of course, we all want to publish it.  What good is it raising a child and nurturing it and then never letting them out of the house?
It might not ever get published by a big publishing house, but it will get published one way or the other.

My favorite question of all time.
"When did you start writing?" or rephrased as, "I didn't know you wrote?"
You know the look, one eyebrow up followed by an uncomfortable silence because let's face it, in today's world of x-boxes, Facebook, Instagram and reality TV, books and writing are a thing of the past and you must be a nerd.
I started way back in kindergarten maybe first grade, where I learned what letters are and how to spell CAT and DOG and Dick and Jane
Then I realized I could take those letters, form them into words and then Dick killed the CAT and DOG and fed them to Jane.  That was the day I knew I was a writer.  I had an entire realm at my fingertips. Other worlds and galaxies far, far, away.  Nobody set the boundaries except me.
I was hooked.

So in this great world of blogging and writing I came across a handful of blogs that I liked so much I read them whenever they posted.  They have been my favorites and my standbys.

One of them is Bruce Johnson from The BLOGDOG blog!!!
While at a Home and Garden show yesterday I noticed a banner hanging that read "Dreammodeling".
It clicked right away that this is the company that Bruce owns.  One look at the guy standing there and it was confirmed.  I had just met a fellow blogger.  It was pretty damn neat.


Bruce has switched one of his blogs to WordPress and here is a link to it.


At the home show with me was my wife and an old high school friend of mine, Jason, and his wife Tricia.  We all had a great time at the home show (which serves beer) and afterwards we walked along the night time streets of downtown Grand Rapids in search of a restaurant for dinner.  

We chose Judson's Steakhouse which lies inside of a building called The B.O.B.
The B.O.B houses three separate restaurants in one building, a brewery, stand-up comedy, live bands and a whole host of other exciting things.

We dined on escargot and grilled brie for an appetizer and my main course was a pan roasted duck breast with a date, almond, cherry and orange compote with a tart cherry vinaigrette.  A side of steamed asparagus and the most wonderful truffle, herb, gruyere, scalloped potatoes.
I enjoyed a nice amber craft beer with dinner as well.



It was a great afternoon and evening and I look forward to meeting up with these two friends again.

Stay tuned for another post in the next few days.
It is sure to have me busy this year.

Cheers,
-Bushman


Friday, March 6, 2015

The Lion Roars Tonight


As time draws nearer to the end of my book I thought it might be fun to give you another snippet.
There are a few things happening behind the scenes which have delayed the release, but I assure you it is all for the better.
I hope you enjoy this and I look forward to presenting you with the finished product.

Cheers,
-Bushman
---------------------------------------------------------------
The Lion and I
Intro to chapter 21


I couldn't believe it.  Now I was stuck up here.  Without any water, any food, not even a shelter.  I wondered how long he would stay there.  He did not move, just laid still,  a dirty yellow mound of hair, tossing an occasional glance my way every few minutes, just to let me know he was there.

I scrambled around on the branch until I was able to sit upright.  The vine, I hooked on a nearby stick and hoped it would hold. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the lion but he made no sudden moves.  He acted like a faithful dog laying in the grass while his master changed the oil in the family car, in the driveway, on a Sunday afternoon.  I took a moment to scope out the branch now that I was up close and personal.  Things have a way of looking different from a distance and this was no exception.  The branch wasn't as flat as it looked from the escarpment.  It undulated up and down along the length of it.  Not like the Kiddee Koaster at the county fair back home but it did have some whirls and curls.  Nothing I couldn't work with though.  From where I was the  distance to the next branch was closer than it had looked from the ground.  I could almost jump to it.  As they grew further out from the tree they widened, like the letter V.  At the very end it was a good fifteen feet apart.  I wasn't sure I had enough bamboo long enough to span that distance.

Swinging one leg over the massive branch I scooted on my rear towards the main trunk.  Where they met the tree, at the beginning of the V they almost touched.  A foot apart I estimated.  I turned around and sat with my back up against the smooth bark.  It felt cool on my sweaty back, I rested my head up against it and closed my eyes.   I was quite comfortable and before long I dozed off.
I don't exactly remember dozing off, I had an idea of five minute cat nap and then I would figure out what to do about my current predicament.  Five minutes turned into ten and then fifteen and then an hour or two must have gone by.  I had the strangest dream of a time when I was still in high school.

I was in Myrtle Beach.  It was spring break and I was with my family on vacation.  We were vacationing with friends and they had brought along their kids as well.  A young boy who was a year younger than my younger brother and their daughter who was my age and went to the same school as I did.  She had shoulder length, sandy blond hair, crystal blue eyes and dimples when she smiled.  She liked to wear short, tight shorts and halter tops.  Her name was Kelly and she was beautiful and it was all I could do to keep from drooling whenever she was around.  We spent the entire vacation cruising up and down the boardwalk and walking on the beach.  I had a girlfriend back at home, but I think if the 'moment' would have come, I would have taken it.  I was in love (looking back I believe it was lust) but it never did and we were just friends, despite the raging hormones coursing through my adolescent sixteen-year-old body.

One day, the families all packed in the car and drove up the coast to North Myrtle Beach.  The boardwalks were bigger, there were carnival rides and mini side shows.  It was early in the morning so most of it was closed and I tried to get my folks to promise to bring us back that night, without much success.  We walked along the boardwalk oohing and ahhing at all the fun we could be having if it wasn't nine o'clock in the morning.  After a bit, I began to get bored and as I opened my mouth to protest my little brother shouted out, "BUNGEE JUMPING!"

I turned to see what he was yammering about and saw a giant tower soaring high into the sky.  A set of stairs zig-zagged back and forth all the way to the top.  At the peak, I could just make out a small gangplank jutting out from the tower.  Within a few seconds, something emerged out on the plank.  It looked no bigger than an ant and as I watched it, the ant-like figure, slowly inched its way out to the edge.  Then it was falling.  As it fell the ant morphed into a girl, I could see her hair flowing up behind her and after a two second pause I could hear her screams of excitement rushing across the hot boardwalk.  She was attached to a long stretchy cord at the waist and underneath her was an enormous pillow made of a rubber canvas material, like the bounce house you see at little kids' birthday parties.  She fell to within a few feet of the bounce house pillow and then the cord retracted and flung her back up into the air.  Her howls of laughter ricocheted off the tower and bounce off the boardwalk.  My stomach flip-flopped at the thought of it, and I went light headed looking up at the terrible height of the tower.  No way could I ever do that, I was terrified of heights.

"Dad, Dad, can we do that," my brothers pleading broke the diminishing screams of the yo-yo girl.
"Let's see how much it is first," he answered.

I knew there was no way my Dad would spring for it.  Everything down here, in vacation land, was three times as expensive as it would be back home.  I figured it would be at least seventy-five bucks a head for bungee jumping.  Boy was I dead right and also dead wrong.  We headed up to the base of the giant tower.  The sign read $75 a jump.  I snickered at my little brother.  Game Over I thought.

"You folks interested," the man attending the entrance to the tower asked.

"$75 is a bit steep when you got a car load of kids,'' my Dad said.

"Well, how many of you are wantin' to jump?"  His accent was southern and his cut off t-shirt showed off his bulging biceps and his six pack abs.  I could see Kelly oogling him out of the corner of my eye.  In my head, I was throwing him off the tower sans bungee cord.

"Who wants to go?" my dad asked.

"Me, Me, Me, can I go, can I go?" he sounded like a broken record and I wanted to kick my little brother hard in the shin.

"Is there an age limit?" My Dad asks the attendant, who has now veered his attention towards Kelly.

"Long as you sign an adult consent form he can go, in fact, seeing were so slow this morning I'll give y'all a deal.  $20 each, cash, of course."

My brother begins to whoop and holler.  I shake my head and as I'm about to say there is no way am I ever going up there I hear Kelly.

"I'll go," she says in her sweet little voice.  "You want to go with me?"

She is staring right at me, but I'm not seeing her.  All I can see is me falling off the tower, the cord snapping and for some unexplained gravitational reason I do not land on the bounce house safety pad.  I miss it completely and I splatter all over the concrete next to it.

I almost vomit in my mouth as I hear the words squeak from my throat, "Sure I'll go."

Sweat rolls of my forehead and my shirt is soaked through as I climb the nine million steps to the top of the tower.  I don't know if the sweat is more from terror or the strenuous climb.  I remember thinking that there is now way I would chicken out because I could never make it back down all those stairs.
Up to the top we go.  Another attendant greets us and is all too helpful when it comes to getting Kelly's harness on.  When it is my turn he slams it on me, cinching the straps so tight my sixteen-year-old balls are jammed half way into my gut.  My stomach rolls worse than ever now.  My little brother goes first.  No fear whatsoever, he struts out to the edge of the skinny gang plank and disappears from sight.  I hear his howls but can't bring myself to peak over the edge.  I'm afraid I might vomit if I do.  The three pieces of French toast, 4 strips of bacon and the large orange juice would cover everything in this tiny space up here, including Kelly.  I forced my mind to quell the turmoil in my guts.

Kelly went next, she repeated the cries, howls, and screams like the girl before her.
I was next.
The bungee cord was reeled back up by the attendant and he clipped it to the harness I wore.  It attached mid waist, at my belly button.
"Just walk out to the edge, turn around and face me, then just fall backwards," he shouted above the wind that was now picking up, and at this height, was enough to make the tower sway a few inches.
It was at that point when I began to giggle.  I had an odd way of dealing with pain and fear.  One of those ways was to giggle.  I couldn't help myself and I giggled like a school girl.  The look the attendant gave me was quite hysterical.
I giggled all the way out to the end of the plank, turned around and then the giggling finally stopped.  I never fell on my own accord, I think the wind pushed me off the plank and I pin-wheeled my arms to catch my balance but it was too late.  I fell into nothingness.
My dream was a dead reckoning for the events that happened that day in Myrtle Beach.  All except for the end.  In real life I screamed, "Ohhhhhhh Shhhhhiiitttt" as I fell over the edge and after a two second fall I yo-yoed for a while and it was all over.  I didn't vomit or shit my shorts or anything tragic like that.  I kept my manhood intact with Kelly, or so I thought, and life went on.
In my dream, however, as I fell from the skinny plank I rotated enough to see the ground and where the bounce house safety pad was, or in this case should have been,  it was gone.  It had been replaced by a jungle floor covered with sticks and rocks and cut up pieces of vines.  I was confused as I fell towards it, wondering where the red and blue bounce house had disappeared to.  When I hit the ground I realized I wasn't dreaming anymore.  I landed with a thud, which knocked the wind out of me, and my forehead slammed into the ground almost rendering me unconscious.  Stars whirled about in my head and my vision was all fuzzy, like your eyes after swimming all day in a chlorinated pool.  I could make out a few shapes and one of those looked just like the stuffed lion I had won for Kelly at the midway that spring day at the beach.  Except this stuffed lion leaned forward and licked my face.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Signs of Sarcasm


Today has been a busy day.
I started the morning editing a paper for my daughter's's college English class.  It was left open on my computer so I couldn't help myself.  I hope she is receptive! (secretly I rather enjoyed it)

After that, I worked on my book for awhile.  Currently, my word total resides at 47,734 words.  The words flowed free this morning, unencumbered by any chores that needed to be done.  I was free for the day.  As the story begins to wind down to the end it picks up in pace and intensity.  I find the words coming faster than I can type them.  I should hope for this type of writing forever!

I perused facebook for a spell and came across some funny things I thought I would share.  I am a huge fan of sarcasm and wittiness so these were perfect.

I hope you enjoy.

For when average fucks just won't work

We need more signs like this one

In my day they were only worth 500

My favorite



Point...taken.

Urination is allowed


What color is your dress?