"If you have a garden and a library, then you have everything you need" - Cicero

Friday, August 29, 2014

What do you wanna be when you grow up?

When I was growing up, then and even now,  there were only a couple things that I ever I wanted to do with my life.
It mostly depended on what I was into at any given time.  Regardless it has always remained the same.

I have had many jobs, most of them I liked.

My working career started off a little on the stinky side.  I was about ten or twelve years old when I took my first summer job.  Yes, I know,  "Isn't that a bit young to be working?"

First off you would have to understand my family dynamic.  We ran a family owned business.  Grandpa owned it and at that particular time my Dad was running it.  At one time or another most of the family, including Aunts and Uncles, were involved.  My day came and went and no one thought anything of it.  It was just "normal".

Of course back then you were still allowed to spank your kids without fear of incarceration.  Kids were still seen and not heard, as long as the sun is shining the work will go on, beatings will continue until moral improves, you know the all the old adages.

So at the tender (trust me, there wasn't anything tender about me) age of 10 or 12 I rode to work with my Dad and as the sun was just beginning to rise I climbed my little body up into the cab of a garbage truck. Yes, a garbage truck.

Dad would give me $2 a day for lunch and back then it was enough for a soda, from a morning stop at a convenience store, lunch at Mcdonalds and another soda on the way home from the dump.
Of course now a days you can't call it a dump, it is a landfill.
It's also not a garbage truck but a refuse vehicle and we weren't really garbagemen either we were sanitation engineers.  So at the young age of, oh hell let's just call it eleven, my first job was an engineer.
I had a different name picked out and still prefer it to this day.  I called myself a Hanger Man.  Why?  Because I hung off the back of a garbage truck refuse vehicle all day, swinging off the little step only to swipe up bags of trash and toss them in the hopper.

I continued working at the family business for many years until it was sold after I graduated high school. Yeah I probably should have went to college.  I didn't realize my Grandfather was going to sell it.  I was sorta counting on being the next in line to run it.  Oh well, one man's trash is another man's excuse for not going to college.

So onto the next stage in my life.
Now that Dad and I were both careerless we went to work in the lawn mowing industry.  He had partnered up with this goofball idiot and I hopped on one of the lawn mowing crews.  I spent the next few years mowing lawns all summer and plowing snow in the winter.
Dad eventually bought the idiot out of his share and purchased a few more lawn companies.
We had a decent size operation and things ran pretty smooth.

Dad decided he wanted out, it was time for him to move on and so I took on a partner and together we took out a loan and bought the business from my Dad.

It didn't last long.  We purchased the business in the fall and struggled to make ends meet through a very "dry" winter.  The next year it was hard to recoup our losses and my partner decided he wanted to be a full time drunk instead.  He got into enough legal trouble with drinking and driving that the insurance agent told me he was uninsurable.  I was forced to buy him out.  I sold everything I had and borrowed what I didn't.
It was the unmistakable "straw"  that broke the camel's back.

I tried to make a go but it just started falling apart.  To make matters worse my fiance, at the time, decided she wanted to move back to New York, where she was originally from, to be close to her parents and finish her schooling.
So I said to hell with it.  I sold the business and after transitioning the new owner into it I would move to NY with her and find a job.

The business was sold and I made just enough money, after paying off all the loans, to buy a cheeseburger.
I worked for the guy for a few weeks and when I was just about ready to move out to NY my fiance told me she didn't love me anymore and it was over.

Once again I was left with nothing.

So there I stood.  No job, no girlfriend, even my family had all moved away.  My best friend was my ex-partner and he no longer spoke to me.
At the time I was living in an apartment on the family property that my Uncle currently owned the rights to.
Inside that apartment were the only things I still owned.

I flew out to California to spend Christmas with my brother.  He had bought me and my ex-fiance a plane ticket.  Obviously she wasn't using hers.  So I flew out there, one way.  I came back three months later.
My Aunt and Uncle took care of my dog.  It was better for her anyways.  She was raised on that property and was getting older.
I flew back in the early Spring and my Uncle decided for back rent payments he was keeping everything in my apartment and everything else I owned on the property.  In short I was basically told get the "F" outta here.
So I packed up my car, everything I could fit inside of a 2 door cavalier convertible and drove back to California.  Let me tell you not much fits in one of those cars.

While I was in California I had two jobs.  First I was a medical records clerk at the University of California, Davis, Internal Medicine clinic.  It was an OK job.  It was my first inside job.  The work was brainless and monotonous but I was surrounded by hot chicks so it wasn't all too bad.

I left there and went to work for Lincare which is a home respiratory therapy company.  My job was to drive anywhere from the north side of the Golden Gate bridge all the way up to wine country filling up liquid oxygen tanks that people had in their homes.  It was a pretty cool job and you can imagine the scenery.

Every morning I would go to the gas plant and fill up the two giant tanks inside the van and then drive all over some of the most beautiful country and stop occasionally at someone's house.  I would go inside and haul their big cryogenic tank out and fill it up from the tanks in the van.  I would change out all their tubing and masks and what not and then be on my merry way.

The only problem with this job was that it was a two and a half hour commute to work from where we lived up in Northern California.  I would drive down on Monday and then stay in a motel Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights and then drive home Thursday night after work.  I had consolidated my schedule enough to do it in 4 ten hour days.  This got old real quick.  I had planned on moving down there but to live in a decent neighborhood was ridiculously expensive.  I quit that fall and moved back to Michigan.

While in California I had spoken with my old best friend and ex partner and he had cleaned up his act and was working construction.  He offered me a job and a place to live.  I stayed with him over the winter but by that Spring I could tell this job was going nowhere.

From there I moved up north with my Dad and went to work doing construction with some small time guy.  Dad was working for him off and on when he wasn't running his own business.  I did that for awhile and that was when I met my wife.

After a very short courtship with her I moved into her apartment, back down state and got a job with a landscape company.  I was installing landscapes during the summer and plowing snow during the winter.  It was brutal work and the owner was one of the biggest A-holes I have ever met in my life but you gotta do what you gotta do.  I worked for that guy for about 7 years or so.  Once I realized all his promises to make me a partner were not ever going to come to fruition, I quit.

I thought I could get a job real easy, I knew for sure I didn't want to go back into landscaping, my body was just about worn out already.  This is where things got tough again.  I couldn't find a job.  This was right before the big economic tumble and unemployment was very low.  Companies were able to pick from the best of the best for hiring.  Everywhere I went I was either overqualified or lacked experience.   Luckily my wife held down the fort and I was actually forced to go into business again for myself, doing landscaping.  Exactly what I didn't want to do.  I took on another partner, who also worked at the same company I had just quit from.  He said he wasn't working there if I wasn't.

We did a few jobs but during the next year the bottom really fell out of the economy and things like brick paver patios were last on everybody's list.  We were forced to give it up and head back to the job search.

It just so happened that a local company was looking for some temporary employees to fill a big government contract and I knew a few people who worked there.  I went to work for them building military vehicles and was soon hired in and started building fire trucks.  I am still there today.  Probably the best job I have ever had.  I have been at this job long enough and feel stable enough to start, in earnest, pursuing my real dreams in life.

So that brings me back to the point of this whole dang thing.  What did I ever want to do with my life?

Only two things ever stood out.
A Chef or a Writer.

Luckily for me I can do both.  Doesn't mean I will ever get paid to do it nor does it mean that I do it well but I can still do it.

I have dabbled in both my entire life.

They have never disappeared from my horizon.  Always remaining a constant, something I can focus on.
While I must admit that the Chef dreams are waning as of late the Writing still remains a burning desire.

I have always been a dreamer and a romantic.
I want to go on every adventure that has ever been thought of.  I have an infatuation with climbing Mt. Everest, I want to see Africa, I want to snake through the Jungles of South America and I want to see what it is like to spend your life alone in the wilds of Alaska without all of the embellishments we rely on in our day to day lives.
I want to bustle about the Italian cafe's, touch the stone that makes up the Coliseum, trace Hannibal's route through the Alps, dive The Great Barrier Reef.

I could go on forever but the point of it is...I can't do all of these things, at least not physically but through writing I can.  I can make up the stories, I can see the scenery in my head and translate it to words. Capturing the essence even if it is made up.  It's as close as I can get.

Unless you're a writer you will never understand the power that comes from putting words on paper or the complete opposite of reading what you just put on paper.  Nothing is more powerful yet so despairing.

So here I go.  I pray that it goes well.  Sometimes those monsters inside of you turn into demons and they gnash their teeth until your lips and gums begin to bleed but sometimes after swallowing too much blood you vomit and good things spew forth.  Controlling the monsters is the key to success.

So bear with me on my journey.  It may not always be good, it may not always make sense (at least not to you).  Being weird is one of my specialties.  I call it eccentric but call it what you must in order for it to justifiably remain in order in your head.  Words do bleed and when you poke them hard enough they bleed quite well.

One of my all time favorite authors sums it up quite well.

"The most important things are the hardest to say.
They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them--words shrink things that seems limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out.
But it's more than that, isn't it?
The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away.
And you make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.
That's the worst, I think.  When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King, Different Seasons.





Happy reading,
-Bushman



Thursday, August 21, 2014

Vlogging? Well sort of.

Hello there and welcome to Thursday.  Perhaps it's just a tad thirsty.
Angel and I participated in the ALS Ice bucket challenge tonight.  It was a lot of fun.
I've heard some negative comments about it and I just don't understand.  The comment most heard is, "why don't you just donate and say screw the ice bucket!"
Well the point of the challenge is to spark interest and have fun.  This is exactly what the challenge does.  Nobody would've donated if it wasn't for this, so roll with it and do it if you get nominated.

Of course I couldn't leave this alone and decided to join a few of my fellow brethren in a new and different cause.  

The first video is the ice bucket challenge and the second is....well just watch.

Oh and by the way I nominate Al PenwasserA Beer for the Shower Boys and Pearson to participate in these challenges.  Pearson you may elect to drop out of the latter.  LOL
Oh and Dad you better pay attention.

Cheers,
-Bushman

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge


Chug a Beer for PMS Challenge






Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Coffee, Leather and an Old Book.

Steam rises from the dark green mug that is sits atop the worn novel.
Underneath the book is an end table, scratched and worn, with its endless waves of darkly accented grain, it performs a balancing act, with three of the legs slightly longer than the fourth.

A pile of books is sprawled in a heap on the lower shelf.  No rhyme or reason, no order, different sizes and different thickness, tossed aside as if someone was eagerly anticipating the next.  Bits and pieces of their titles peek from the pile, hinting at worlds far beyond this realm.  They lay haunted, used and pilfered they almost weep from their stained and tattered covers.

The rich smell of the coffee fills the room and dances with the aged smell of  leather furniture and sandalwood.  It has a calming effect.  Gold stitching chases itself around the arms of the easy chair ending at a small tear that has been repaired with white thread.

All is silent save for the pitter patter of rain drops on the roof.  The windows share the darkness of the clouds and drops of rain cling to them, sliding down, ever so slowly,  you can almost hear them crying to be let in, to be saved from the monster inside the storm.

Thunder rumbles in the distance.  The storm, its anger spent, is slowly moving on.

He reaches for the mug, feels its warmth inside his cupped fingers and smiles as he hits the button on the recliner.  His feet rise into the air and a sigh of relief breaks the silence.  It feels so good to get off those feet.

He looks at the book, it is one chosen from the heaps of unorganized chaos at the thrift store.  The title alone captures his imagination and as he picks it up he falls into its graces.

Now the smell of coffee, leather and sandalwood has a new partner...aged book.


----------------------

In case you can't tell it's raining.  I did pick up a new book on Sunday.  I started reading it today.  A great day for reading.
Later,
-Bushman
  

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Life After 40

Ever since I turned 40 (5 days ago)
I have looked at the world through different eyes.  
Well...they're still mine I just see things in another way.  Old age will do that to you.

I think about all the things I've done before and how they have affected my life now.  I wonder about all the things I am going to do and the impact they will make accordingly.  

Like the time we organized a strike for the right to have a good time at work.


Yeah it didn't go so well.


I look at my tattoos in the mirror.  The ones that have been in place for 22 years.  Here is what they look like after being subjected to the sun for all that time.

Fortunately I did not get tattoos that started off ugly like these chaps. 



"Purdy kids ya got there, Clark."

I remember the one time I paid a stripper to do a dance on my brand new motorcycle.  It started out good but in the end I had to replace a few parts.

  
So now a days I try to think about things before I do or say them.   unless I'm drunk then all bets are off

The wife and I are starting our empty nest career and who knows what we may get into.
I'm a pretty fun guy.

We could go for car rides and tour the country.


We could have long conversations together.


I could always help her out in the morning when she's running late.


She really does love me and if I were to ever die she would be so sad.



So maybe 40 won't be that bad afterall.  Kinda looking forward to it now.

Cheers,
-Bushman








Friday, August 8, 2014

WTF is wrong with your garden?

So I asked myself the other day

Self, what the hell did you do wrong?

I glanced around, no one was present.
"What are you talking about," I said aloud.

I often talk to myself out loud.  Of course I check to see if anyone is looking, or listening.  I don't want to come off as a confirmed crazy, I just want to keep people guessing.  Besides conversation flows so much better with voice than it does by thinking.  It holds my attention while the silent conversation gives me a chance to wander..Oh wow, look,  a squirrel!

The fact that your tomato plants are awful looking.  I get embarrassed when people see them and people can't even see me.

"I'm a little upset myself but there isn't much I can do about it right now."

You can cut them down, burn them and tell everyone you never planted them in the first place.

"I could do that but then I wouldn't have any tomatoes this season.  It's only early blight,  it won't affect the actual fruit."

But it's so uglyyyyyyyyyyyy!

"Shut up stupid," I yell at him.  "It will be fine"

So this blight thing...did you catch it from Detroit?




"Awww man why you gots to blame this shit on Detroit?"

"It's not that kind of blight you idiot.  It's called early blight."

Oh, that's too bad cause I had already started making poster boards.


"Oh my gosh are you kidding me?"  

Sorry, I don't know what the hell you are thinking.  I'm just your mind ya know, it's not like I pay attention.  You of all people should know that.

"There really isn't a cure.  It is a fungus that lives in the soil.  When the rain hits the soil it splashes up the fungus spores onto the plant where they infect it and slowly start killing it."

So this won't work?  



"Mother fucka,  what I tell you about this  Detroit shit!"

" I give up.  You are impossible.
Everything is fine the tomato plants just partied too hard last night"




Oh, I get it now.

As you can tell I have the blight again this year.  I thought I had a good shot at keeping it sequestered this year but it came back even worse.  The cool weather and frequent rains inevitably helped it along.

I have a new plan for next year but until then I have to deal with this nasty epidemic.  I have a few plants that have almost zero leaves on them.  I keep pruning the infected ones off and spraying with a fungicide.   They get barer by the week.

So to give you a good idea of the transformation of my tomato plants within the last few weeks here is a synopsis.



It is quite the awful sight.  Tragedy in fact.  
There won't be much canning going on this year.  Salsa production will be extremely limited at best.  
Too much rain and cool weather during the time when the garden needed it most.  Mother Nature can be such a heartless bitch.

Look at me!  Don't you think I have better things
to worry about than weather?

Poor Archer, the scarecrow, standing out in the garden protecting a bunch of crackhead looking plants.  I bet he's pretty embarrassed too.  I bet he feels a little naked without all the vegetation.

Hey!  Need some coverage here!!
So for now I'll just laugh it off.  Things could be worse.

Like this!







Saturday, August 2, 2014

21 Reasons to have or not to have sex



I read an article on Facebook this morning.  It was titled 21 reasons to have amazing sex everyday  I'll admit the only reason I read it was because it had sex in the title. (they sure know how to get our attention don't they?)

I decided to read it and compare it to the article I wrote titled 9,876,543 Reasons to Have Sex Everyday and see if there were any similarities.  I found a few.

The article was written by a psychiatrist and one time I gave advice to someone so there is similarity number one.  Starting off with gusto here.

Reason #1
Look younger.
Not on my list.
Now I'm not sure how that works.  I scare myself when I'm naked so I imagine those lines on the corner of her eyes are from wincing in disgust.

Reason #2
Boost your fertility
Not on my list
I just sent the last kid off to college yesterday.  The house is empty and quiet.  Think I'll try that out for awhile.  I'll be 40 in 8 days.  My sperms do not need performance enhancing stimulants thank you very much.

Reason #3
Fights Colds and Flu
Definitely not on my list
I'll stick with Nyquil.  Nothing says I love you like laying on top of your mate while snot runs on to their chest.  Damn, damn, damn.
This may help some


Reason #4
Disease proof your body
Not on my list.
I thought this was actually a good way to acquire diseases but hey who am I?

Reason #5
Lengthen your life
Nope not on my list
The study revealed people who climaxed once a day had a 50% less chance of dying from medical problems.  The flip side of that is guys who bug their wife for sex everyday have a 50% higher chance of dying from blunt force trauma.  I'll call that one a wash.

Reason #6
Shift your middle-aged spread and keep fit
Not even close to making my list
Their study says Thirty minutes of sex burns 100 calories.
Thirty FU%&$# minutes?  The average male lasts only 3 minutes per session.  That's 3.3 calories burned each time.  Do the math.  If I drank 7 beers I would have to have sex 262 times to burn off all those calories.  That would kill me. Which negates reason # 5 as well


Reason #7
Ease those nasty period cramps
Are you kidding me?  Not on my list
Have you ever asked your mate to have sex while she is doubled up in pain and writhing on the floor?
I would never make that mistake.........again.
"Hey baby lookin sexy, how's about a go 'round?"


Reason #8
Help lower you risk of incontinence
This one is all for her benefit.  Something about exercising pelvic floor muscles and what not.
Whenever I feel like exercising I just lay down until the feeling goes away.  No women wants to have sex everyday anyways so this one just doesn't make sense to me.



Reason #9
Prevent a heart attack
My list?  Nope.
I'll quote the entire thing here:
"Lots of studies have found that regular sex can ward off heart attacks, not bring them on as it was once feared. One study at Queen’s University Belfast found that having sex three times a week could halve your risk of having a heart attack or stroke. Another study in Israel found that women who had two orgasms a day were up to 30% less likely to have heart disease than those who did not enjoy sex or didn’t have an orgasm."
What exactly are women in Israel doing?  With all the bombing and terrorism they still find time in their schedules to have orgasms twice a day?  That's what I call a woman!
My thoughts have always been to have my heart attack while in the throes of passion.  Go out with a bang!  (Of course it will have to be a heart attack that starts and finishes within 3 minutes)

Reason #10
Increase your attractiveness to others
Quite the opposite of my list but whatever floats your boat
In my days if you had lots of sex you were called easy.  I'm easy, I'll admit it but it isn't beneficial by any means.  Besides I think attractiveness to others is a a covert word for jealousy.

Reason # 11
Smooth out wrinkles
Didn't make my list because, while it is true that it does smooth out the wrinkles, they come right back after you're done.
What do you mean that's not the body part they were talking about?

Reason #12
Give yourself a healthy glow
This was not on my list because healthy glows are known to cause cancer in the State of California.
Playing it safe here!
Honey I think the cat was watching


Reason #13
Lower your blood pressure
Not on my list either.
I was hoping to raise my blood pressure so there is no need for those little blue pills.  Seems contradicktory!

Reason #14
Improve Self Esteem
Sort of on my list.
I had it listed as bragging and boasting.  Both make you feel good about yourself as does teasing the other guys at work because "somebody got lucky last night"

Reason #15
Banish Depression
This wasn't on the list because it is a double edged sword.
If you don't have sex it leads to depression.
Got an Elvis thing going on here with this one.

Reason #16
Cure that headache
I'm a big fan of this one.  It was on my list
This is because making love causes a surge in the “love” hormone ­oxytocin, plus other feel-good ­endorphins, which can ease pain.
Unfortunately she won't buy into it.

Reason #17
Slash Stress
Another one on my list
people who'd had sex in the last 24 hours coped better with stressful ­scenarios –
I find everything in life to be stressful so therefore....

Reason #18
Beat Insomnia
Another good reason
What's the first thing you want to do after sex (besides have more sex) SLEEP!

Reason #19
Strengthen your bones
This was one of the top ten on my list
The human body has 206 bones
When I'm with her I have 207
Nuff said.
Nice bones Baby!!!




Reason #20
Cut your risk of Prostate cancer
It might be on my list somewhere but I need to erase it.
I just found out that sex causes prostate cancer...especially in California.
Besides isn't that on the wrong side of the sex dealy thing-a-ma-jig?

Last but not least
Reason # 21
Feel better all day
If you're still reading at this point then you must be really bored.
This one is the best one of them all.
Plain and simple, can't argue.
Now go have sex!

So there you have it.  21 reasons to have sex everyday.
If you should need additional reasons please feel free to consult me.  My book
9,876,543 Reasons to Have Sex Everyday is available for purchase on Amazon for the low price of $432.

Now if I can just wake her up.  I'll tell her I'm just trying to make her day less stressful, prevent a headache, improve her self esteem, make her look good to other people, keep her from peeing her pants, smooth out her wrinkles and make her look younger!

I don't see where this can fail.  Thanks psychiatrist person, you made this so much easier!

Cheers,
-Bushman










Saturday, July 26, 2014

The Prick Inside of Us.

I awoke at a predetermined time.  It wasn't my idea.  I didn't want to be awake.  My body has grown accustomed to waking at a certain hour and it does that, day in and day out, regardless of how many hours it has rested.  Unfortunately, this exact time, horrible as it may seem to some, is 4:30 am.

It doesn't matter how many beers it has ingested or how much work was done the day prior nor does it care if it is sick with a cold or flu.  It does what it has been trained to do.  So now I am awake.

The first thing I notice is a slight headache.  Too many beers?  Perhaps.  I lay in bed staring at the ceiling or where the ceiling should be.  It is dark afterall.  I count them backwards, the beers that is.  One beer when I came in the house because it started to sprinkle outside.  A beer before that while sitting at the campfire, well...I did sit at the fire for some time so I'll group that count, let's see...1,2,3,4.  Yeah I think it was 4.  Oh and don't forget the almost foot long cigar.  So that makes 5 beers so far.

"Is that all?" I wonder and the voice in my head magically appears as he always does when things have skewed beyond normality.

"No, remember you had one while filling up the wood bin next to the fire pit before lighting the fire?"

"Yep, your right, six it is."

"Didn't you have one right after you finished mowing the lawn too?"

I'm starting to think this was a bad idea, this counting of beers.  My mouth has a bitter taste to go along with the traditional morning after cotton mouth.  I roll my tongue around attempting to create some sort of moisture.  Nothing.

"Oh, hey, you still there?"  I probably shouldn't have started this conversation.

"Yes, aren't you done yet?", I answer him...myself...it.

He chuckles and the throb in my head quickens as my pulse rises.  This prick doesn't know when to quit. Then I laugh because he is a direct reflection of me.

"You forgot about the one you had while you were checking the oil and gassing up the mower.  Remember?  It was the one you stuck in the freezer as soon as you got home from work?"

I close my eyes, I can't tell if they're closed.  I open them again and try and discern any difference between the two blacks.  Yep, there is a slight difference.  One of the blacks has a bit of green in it.  Must be the numbers on the alarm clock.

I hear the dogs getting restless on the floor.  I slide my hand over until it slips off the edge of the bed and immediately a wet nose and a warm muzzle greet it.  I scratch it behind the ears and listen to the groan of pleasure as I wiggle my finger behind his ear.  He likes that!

I slide out of bed.  As I stand the slight headache begins to fade.

The clock is now showing 5:30.  I have managed to lay in bed counting beers and thinking about random stuff for an hour now.  Time to get up.  I want to see the sunrise and I like to have my coffee out on the deck so I can watch the birds.

"Hey dumb, dumb."  He's back.  I thought standing up would make him lay down but I guess I was wrong.

"What now?" I bark at him.

"You forgot the one while you were watering the garden."  He laughs, loud and a bit out of control.  Almost like he's forcing it.  I can tell it is his last hurrah for now.

"If you don't shut up I'm gonna drown you in a couple more later on, now go back to sleep you annoying little cuss."

With that he disappears back into the chasms of my mind.  I don't really know where he goes but for now he is gone.  Most people I know have a voice in their head too.  It tells them right from wrong and for the most part discourages the wrong.
Not Mine!  He waits until I have already done it and then comes out of his hidey hole and laughs his ass off at me.  Prick!

I think a lot.  I think I may think more than most people think.  I think sometimes that drives me nuts.
I know what you're thinking but the thinking that I'm doing is not just the 'I think I'll have another' type of thinking.  It's the deep thinking.  The what ifs and the could it be type of thinking.  I think that is another reason I don't sleep for very long.  Too much stuff to think about.  If you say the word 'think' too many times it kinda loses its gusto.  After that paragraph all I can picture is a kid with a lisp trying to say 'sink'.

I am about 15,000 words or around 60 pages into the novel I am writing.  It may be good or it may be bad.  I'm leaning to the latter but I don't really care so long as I finish it.  That seems to be the current problem.  finishing it.  I have the story line laid out in my head and it seems plausible.  It is within reach.  I just can't seem to sit down and type it out.  I don't know why.  It's not writer's block for sure.  I think (there I go again) I get distracted too easy.
It's either that or I just use being tired from work as my excuse.
I must say though after waking up at 4:30 every morning, working ten hours in the shop (sometimes blistering hot shop) I usually just come home and hit that zombie state of mind.  I'm there but my eyes are kinda glassed over.  Little bit of drool sliding down and out of the corner of my mouth as I stare at the TV which isn't even turned on.
You know the state of mind I'm talking about.

If I pick up the current book I'm reading I fall asleep within 3 pages and it's not the books fault either!  Although some I have read, it is.  Take right now for instance.  I could have been directing these words at a bigger and better cause than some menial blog post.
I don't know...need to find the mark again.
I think I'll turn the spare bedroom downstairs into my writers den.  Someplace I can go where it is safe to imagine.  Safe to think (without the prick) and a place to let it all hang out,  metaphorically speaking of course...or am I?

Enough rambling.  Just felt wordy this morning.  I have birds to watch.  Busy, busy, busy!

-Later
Prick Bushman