If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

A Winter of Wood the Groundhog way

"Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today"

Do you know that line?
It is February ya know.

Groundhog day?
Bill Murray?

The radio program he wakes up to every morning?  Damn you people are slow today.

That is what I woke up to this morning.  "OK campers", except what I heard was translated into dog speak.
If you've been around this blog long enough  (most don't stay but for three paragraphs) you know the sound.  (the one Forest Gump makes at his principle after his Mother "cares" about his education)

Big brown dog needs to be fed and he needs to water something.....at 5 AM!

What he needs to water changes daily.  It is a veritable circus as he parades around the snow packed, ice encrusted backyard that at one time, nearly 180 days ago, was alive with lush greenery and song birds flirting with the warm rays of sunshine that so eloquently dashed through the dappled shadows of the leaves which adorned the lush canopies of the...........you get my point.  He has to piss and it is very important (to him) where that exact pee needs to be placed.
(PS...this paragraph contains an extremely long sentence)

I can tell by his body language when he is getting close.  He slows, his nose gets even closer to the ground and he suddenly stops, leans forward and tilts his big old fuzzy, chocolate head to the sky and lets it rip!
That's when the guy in my head,some of you know him, (4 paragraph people) goes into announcer mode.  (read the next part fast, like Howard Cosell, for effect)
"He slows, and there it is folks, like a long awaited check in the mail it is finally here, he is taking a pi.....what?  What is this I see?  Could it be?  Yes, yes it is!  Here comes yellow dog, he's flying folks, I've never seen a dog run so fast.  Juking and dodging his way through the ice crumbles, he puts Barry Sanders to shame even more than the Detroit Lions did."

That's when it happens.  Poor chocolate dog has worked so hard to find the perfect spot to pee and then yellow dog comes crashing in and cocks his leg and pees all over chocolate dog's fresh (and hard to find) pee spot.  He doesn't even wait for him to finish!  It's tandem peeing!   Party ruined!  Damn dogs anyways!  That explains the yellow spots in my lawn so you know!

Then after our morning rituals I pack my gear and head for the woods to enjoy the beautiful scenery and the vibrant sounds of nature.................oh horse shit that isn't why.  I'm going there to cut firewood to heat my house.  While I'm there I will work my butt off climbing in and out of tangled tree tops, fight off 6 foot briars and pick thousands of tiny burs off my clothes.  That is after I haul every round of wood by hand to the truck, all the while tripping over unseen obstacle buried in the snow or leaf litter.
Stopping only to quell the imminent heart attack that I most assuredly know is about to happen and also to sip slush laden water to replenish the sweat that is trickling gushing down the back of my shirt and God forbid I should stop for more than just a few minutes because the sweat soaked shirt will surely begin to freeze!

This is my Groundhog day.  Every weekend.  I'm not kidding.  The only thing that changes?  The pee spot!

It's really not that bad.  I have to make it seem worse than it is just to get a rouse!
I am getting a bit tired of the same ol' same ol' and long for the warm days of spring and the smell of grass again.
Firewood gathering can be addicting however and  find myself massing substantial amounts of it.
I have a passion for..... stocking......lets call it.  Sort of like the 56 or so quarts of tomatoes I canned out of the garden last year or all the smoked peppers and pickled jalapenos.
Some people collect stamps, teddy bears or some just collect dust but at least I collect usables!

It can be fun, the firewood gathering, why just last weekend three of us got together and we filled all our pick up trucks and had a hot dog cook out right in the middle of the woods.

There is a website I frequent and we discuss all thing associated with firewood and many that aren't!
Arborist Site
If you need an answer about any thing related to firewood, heating, chainsaws, tree health etc just pop in and ask.
So in my quest to have the ultimate cache of firewood I now have enough for at least three years and working on year 4 shortly.  I might even sell some just for extra mad money.

Here is a few shots of last weekend!

Three trucks full!

 Weenies on my portable stove!
This weekend I over-achieved!  My back let me know too!

Now who wants to have a stacking party?

Perhaps this all stems from that first girl who told me I had inadequate wood?

(oh c'mon you didn't think I was gonna end without a wood joke did ya?)

"Morning Campers"


  1. Gonna have to start calling you woody wood pecker.looks like you will have enough wood to build a cabin well maybe not as the logs look alittle short. Stay warm and son you will be reseeding those yellow spots.:)

  2. And thank God it's March. Daylight Savings Time starts next weekend and spring is a couple weeks after that. Supposed to snow some next week, but still....winter's for sucks!


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