If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

R is for crazy

What a night!  All alone, skimming thru all the a to z posts. 
Talking to the dogs like they understand me. 
Dinner is in the fridge when I get hungry (compliments of the sub I bought for lunch and brought the leftovers home from work so no cooking for me). 

I filled my wood rack up when I got home.  Another one sold.  Went from 70 degrees and humid to 30 mph winds ( for you Canadian folk that's like 100 kmh because that's what 100 kmh feels like when we are driving through your homeland) snow and 39 degrees.  That's....well I don't know what that is.  Jenny can you help me out?  Anyways it's just lousy.  Good for selling firewood so I refilled the rack.

I have another idea in my head (shocker) for selling wood.  Campfire season is coming up and they sell these tiny little bundles of firewood at the gas station for $5. (In Canadian money that's probably only worth about $1 nowadays...thanks Obama) 
There isn't enough wood in there to roast a full package of hot dogs.  Seriously the amount they sell you is what I use to get my fire started. 
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what I did.  (that's why I hang out with my dogs so much. They think everything I do is amazing, it's a great moral booster).

I threw some wood in a wheelbarrow and brought it in the garage.  Set up a little table (pallet and plywood) and then I stood up 10 splits of firewood and wrapped them with plastic wrap.  Put a handle on it and called it money!   I haven't put it out to the road yet because of the cold.  I'll wait until I think the time is right.
Mathematically challenged I am but when I sell my normal rack of firewood for $15 there is about 75 splits in a rack.  That is about seven and a half bundles of firewood.  At $3 dollars a bundle that is $87 dollars.  (Told you I was no good at math)

Really the point of this post isn't about wood, though it may seem like it, it's about what goes on in my head and how I think. 
Jenny from Pearson Report says she wishes she was as creative as me and I told her it wasn't creativity it was just plain crazy.  (she has loads more than me anyways.  I think she was just being nice!)

Like the cat lady from the Simpsons' I rant and rave, click and cluck all day long.
Some of the things that emanate from my being leave people shaking their heads.  Other things raise their eyebrows and once in awhile some things have them buying me beer.  (No joke, happened once back in '97)
So I got to thinking, what R word ties in with my craziness?  How can I explain it?
I couldn't think of anything...except this.

Repertoire of a mad man! (Specifically me if you haven't figured that out yet)

Yep that's me and my yellow dog.  How's that for crazy?  (No that's not a Halloween costume.)

I find that by tossing aside all reservations, throwing caution to the wind and selling the majority of my modesty on EBay I have enhanced my repertoire ten fold. (ten fold being the number of times it takes me to get a fitted sheet from dryer to closet).
You see sometimes I just don't care.  The first time I applied for a job with myself I left in tears.  I tried to measure myself against others.  Didn't work.  I declared writer's bankruptcy and re-organized.

Now they don't even look at my resume.  They say, "Sweet, your hired!  Whip cream and crickets are in the back as usual.".
My style comes from within.  To be different you have to let everything else go and just smile.  You can't buy a real repertoire!

Definition of repertoire (n)

Bing.com · Bing Dictionary
rep·er·toire [ réppər twr ]
1.material available for performance: a stock of musical or dramatic material that is known and can be performed
2.body of artistic works: the entire body of works in a specific area of the arts
3.range of resources that somebody has: the range of techniques, abilities, or skills that somebody or something has

I'll take a #3 please and hold the cheese.  (See how crazy I am, I don't order it with cheese)

 Thanks for reading and remember....enhance your repertoire.

Did you really stop and figure the math out on the wood bundles?  I was kidding.  I know it's $85 not $87.
Right?  Damn math anyways!


  1. I have wondered that about those woodpiles (here, they go for $10 for a few logs). These are usually sold near campgrounds or in front of 7-11s. I look at those and wonder just what kind of fire people can expect to make with just those few sticks. Your idea sounds money.

  2. Ah, hahahhahahhahaha - I'm cracking up with the craziness of your sanity! (yes, that's what it is... my definition of you - a crazy sane guy) Love the use of "C" per our bantering back at the ranch.

    Now, if my memory (ha) serves me correctly (double ha) I'd be sayin' those are your Bloomin' Flower Power Pants that you don when doing that dance you do to encourage your flowers to bloom - just sayin', I'm sure I read it somewhere here... it's your pompoms that give it away! :P :)

    And... FYI, I'm not happy when there's math involved... okay! :( (see unhappy face) But according to my calculations (done before coffee) you are a dollar to the good with the smaller bundles. Yup, money it is!

    Seems the weather we just had is my gift to you! All 100 kmh of it... today, the sun is trying (not that hard I might add) to grace us with its presence - I'm thinking it really needs to put more effort into it... might be helpful if it was donning some cool pants - what do you think!

    I'm having way too much fun with this Challenge - it's this behind the scene stuff that makes it rock!

    Thanks for the shout out!

    1. Opps... I really need to not write a post within a post... damn Canadians, eh!!

    2. I love you Canadians! You have a clean country and great beer!

  3. Man, your brain is a very busy place!

    1. Thanks M.J.
      I have pices of paper all over the house that I have written ideas or recipes down so I don't forget them. Then I forget where I put the paper!

  4. I quit reading at the part where you blamed Obama for the price of wood in Canada, which really was not a bad price. Really? I can't read any more of this.

    1. My dear J. Lansky.
      The attempt at humour was made towards the US dollar and its decline in value vs the Canadian dollar.
      I am truly sorry you find my posts unreadable.
      I hope you feel better now that you have left your snarky comment. Oh by the way I'm not sorry. Stick a shovel in your ass and dig your head out of it Bitch!
      You are a special ed teacher who might just need to be part of the class! (yes I razzle easy)
      Good Day!

  5. Thank you! You made me smile I just popped by to say Hi as a fellow A to Zeder and enjoyed what I found Becs

    1. Thanks for popping in. I just like to make people laugh. It doesn't even have to be true just funny!

  6. Hilarious! I love it when you ramble, except when you make me do homework. I do enough of my kids'.
    Hope your camp firewood adds up to what you're thinking and you make a Canadian fortune on it.

    1. Thanks Dani!
      I'm glad you found it funny.
      What little I sell helps fund my garden adventures!

  7. Will spring EVER arrive? We have a nice day, then freezing again. Sigh. Fun post (except for the math--not so good at that!). Hope you make a lot on your firewood!

    1. Hey ornery's wife. It just showed up at my house today. 65 or so and I cut the grass in the backyard!

  8. Seriously you stopped at the canadian joke. Well if that got you then the fact obama has ruined this nation 10 fold would really piss you off. Get over yourself! The post was a funny post and was ment that way to read it any other way was a was lack in your ability to read comedy!!


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