If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Today's Post is Brought to you by the Letter E

Have I told you the story about Eugene?
No?  Are you sure?  Good because the only words I can find that start with E and are funny are words like expel, excrete, evaginate (not what you think) and of course ejacu.....well never mind I'll stick with what I have.
Eugene was another one of our employees in our small but profitable lawn care business.  Aside from cutting lawns we plowed snow, trimmed bushes and the usual household exterior maintenance.
Eugene was a hire over.  Which is an employee of another company that we had purchased.  Sorta came with the package type deal.  What he lacked in brains he made up for in heart, soul, effort, experience, lungs.
Yes lungs.  This guy was a pot smoking extraordinaire.  (there's an 'E' I didn't think of)
Eugene was blessed with an insurmountable appetite for Cannabis Sativa.  (I once had a girlfriend named Sativa,  I'm not shittin' you)
Quite a few times I would discover Eugene's mower sitting unmanned, idling, begging for some kid to grab the handles and remove the legs from his own torso via sharp steel blades that spun at a thousand revolutions per minute.  A brief exploration of the yard and I would eventually find a smokestack emanating from an English Yew or perhaps  a Pungent Juniper.  A handful of rocks tossed into the middle of the bush or a weed whip at full throttle thrust into the tangle of branches would send Eugene scrambling out muttering something about having to go pee or looking for his keys.  The excuses were limitless.  Needless to say Eugene's days were numbered and it was only a matter of time before his termination became effective.  We teased him relentlessly about his habit and his only defense was, "weed don't make you stupid.  I've been smoking weed since 5th grade and I haven't gotten any dumber."  To which I would reply," And you haven't gotten any smarter either."
I don't know where you are these days Eugene but..................


  1. Sounds like I want to be friends with your friends. I love laughing and he sounds like he would keep me cracking up all day long. Or maybe it's the way you tell the story so I need to hang out with you. Either way I'm in for a good time.

  2. Woah! Eugene sounds like one of God's special creations :) I enjoyed learning about him!

  3. Poor Eugene. At least he was entertaining! Julie

  4. I looked up "evaginate" (you knew I probably would, didn't you?).
    And, that sounds downright painful.
    But, "vagina" is its root word (I said 'root.' hee hee hee) and that is Latin for 'sheath.'
    Hubba hubba.

  5. My husband's middle name is Eugene, and I've always disliked it because it seems like the most geeky/nerd name ever. (Sorry Rapunzel, Flynn Rider is still cooler than Eugene.)

  6. LOL I loved the come-back :)

    Greetings from the A to Z trail,
    Sylvia @ Playful Creative


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