If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Crazy with Broken Brains!

Damn writers block anyways!
I can't think of anything funny to write.  Nothing sad.  Nothing happy, sappy or mad. 
I heard no jokes.  No Jack and Cokes and  Thursday is a whole world away.  6 pack, tops will crack, block will go away.  Just need to wait it out!

I casually glance at my reflection clinging to life on the monitor.  It looks pasty and overweight.  I feel a brief moment of anger before I speak.
"My head is broke", I say aloud.
"What are you saying Mr. Crazy Bushman?", the monitor crackles at me.
 "I'm not sure but I think my brain is broken", I repeat.
"How can your brain be broken and you are still alive?', monitor guy asks.
"Not sure but it's something I've perfected over the years", I respond.
"Well apparently you haven't perfected the correct way to use quotation marks when it pertains to dialogue in your disturbing blog".  The monitor is now being snarky. 
"I don't really give a flying frick", I yell at him as I notice his cheeks are slightly rosy as if the computer just turned up the contrast dial and unperfected his pasty ass.

At this point I seriously consider dumping the little prick.  As the arrow reaches the little red x up in the corner I realize that when the screen goes dark he will be there in all his glory.  Staring, condemning, loathing  and most of all I'll see his eyes.  The complete story will reveal itself and then I'll run.  Truth is in the eyes.

"So do you have any ideas on what I can write about?", I ask him.  Silence.  He heard my thoughts."C'mon I was only kidding", I plead.  "I won't do it again".  "How about a beer?"  Nothing!  He just stares back at me as if I wasn't here at all.

"I really, really need a topic", this time there is a desperation in my voice.  Even the dogs take note.

"I already have", he says.

It's getting dark now.  I will see you Thursday. 



  1. Just read the news paper and pick a story about something that pisses you off. Or a story about stupid people. Works for me like a charm.

  2. Good advice Oilfield - he's right Bushman...don't think so hard.
    Topics abound shamelessly everywhere - even under the bed...like take a look...what lurks under your bed - see there's a topic right there.

    Also...if you see any 'blog writing challenges' coming along try one on for size - you might like it!

    Good Luck! Hope you finally had that beer!

  3. Topics will avail themselves (NOTE: Not sure if I'm using the word 'avail' correctly, but you get what I mean). OT is right. It's even less work than in "Field of Dreams" (NOTE: unnecessary Kevin Costner reference): without even building it, they (topics) will come. For instance, I wrote two posts after looking at the contents of my heel cream (urea=piss) and one on the care label for my underwear. Just go all Zen (Once again, not sure if I have the reference right) and you'll be good.

  4. sage advice from the previous three...

    i was just gonna say get drunk and type...

    or get the dogs to write...

    getting drunk is easier..but i am a bad influence...

  5. When I can't think of anything to write, I dig back into my past and pull out a funny story.

    Although I have hung out with a lot of morons on my life so there is almost a limitless supply of funny stories.



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