If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Davey Dukes

Good Morning and Sunday Salutations to you.

Of course we have no internet service today. Why? The wind is blowing.

We have such awesome cable service that when the wind blows over 20 mph we lose service. Unfortunately that means the TV is out too. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the family is going to do. Oh my, without TV the world will surely end!

We did have some service for awhile. I was able to read up on some more posts and leave a few comments but not now. The wind is howling and the rain is coming in sideways. Gorgeous day out there. You got to love Michigan. Why just Thursday it was 87 degrees and I was sweating. I had the central air turned on in the house with an extra window air conditioner upstairs in the master bedroom.
(There is only one air duct upstairs and the insulation is mostly nonexistent unless you consider vinyl siding, drywall and paint as insulation)

Today I have the heat on. Go figure!

In lieu of the horrible weather I will traverse back in time to younger, sunny days when I was a teenage lad. I worked in a lawn care company. In a nutshell we cut your grass and plowed your snow. (Insert bush trimming joke here) Life was easy back then. Cut grass then go home and relax. No bills to speak of, unmarried and no children. Every cent I made was available for expenditure on any imaginable thing I could conceive of. Like an ATV, a tattoo, my first apartment, another tattoo, a new gun and a plethora of other worldly goods that would make any late teen and pre 20s kid happy.

Everyday we would show up to work, load up our mowers, our weed whips, gas cans, edger and what not and haul the gear to any number of local neighborhoods and commence our attack on the very defiant Kentucky Blue Grass, Dandelion and of course the inevitable yellow jackets. They lived in tiny holes in the ground and you only discovered them when you ran your mower over their home and they flew up your short stinging the beejesus out of your junk!

Bees, yellow jackets and hornets living in holes in the ground, in bushes and hiding in the cable boxes, they were all out to get you and get us they did. This brings me to the story of Dave and how I came to coin a phrase which I have used for many years. (I really don’t think I invented it but I had never heard it before then so….)

Dave was a………well to be nice he looked to be fresh out of rehab. Skin and bones, rotten teeth, uneducated, wife beating… well you know a typical resident of Pontiac Michigan. (People are afraid of Detroit only because they have never been to Pontiac)

I was being nice!

My father owned the lawn company and Dave came to work for us via my step sister. She thought Dave was incredibly handsome with his black teeth and thick glasses and his ribs showing under his wife beater t-shirt with the spaghetti stain on the front. So she married him and had a kid with him. So it automatically became Dad’s job to support them by employing Dave! That was how Dave came to work for us!

Now back to the bees…. bees and junk that is. Have you ever had a bee fly up your shorts? Try it some day, just find a hole in the ground, put on some baggy shorts and stand over the hole and stomp the ground with your foot. This way you can relate to the story herein.

Dave, being the very intelligent person that he was, figured out a way to keep the bees out of his junk.
Do you remember the little red or blue jogging shorts with the white stripe down the outside of the thigh? Well here is the trick: buy them two sizes too small and wear them while cutting grass. The high rise and tightness will keep any bees from flying up and attacking your precious junk.

There you have it………Davey Dukes!

Oh yes he wore them day in and day out even sometimes in the heat of July with his black Stryker shirt.
To Dave’s credit he no longer received bee stings on his junk. However the stares and finger pointing that was directed at him was incredible. (Though I don’t think he noticed) In spite of the immense constriction Dave was able to sire another offspring with his wife.

I haven’t seen Dave or that part of the old family in many years. Although at least once a summer I see someone jogging down the street in their Davey Dukes and I chuckle to myself.

Have a wonderful Sunday and if you’re looking for a pair of Dave Dukes try the local Goodwill store!

Although I did not have a picture of dear Dave I searched the archives of my Walmart file to bring you these endearing photos.  No need to say thank you! (here is a fork to gouge out your eyes)

   My Davey wears short shorts!!!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Of course, the advantage of beeing (notice my use of the pun? Yeah, I'm kooky like that) stung on the junk is the swelling. Stomp on a bees nest in baggy shorts, get stung, wait a few minutes, go to a singles bar.


Leave your comment here please.