If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Crazy Neighbor and Beer Talk!

The little IGA grocery store was right around the corner from the post office and I thought I would pay a quick visit.  It is Thursday after all.  A six pack and I'll be gone, maybe one of those bags of Amish trail mix as well.  Amish trail mix is great stuff.  It has all natural ingredients like acorns, the tops of used carrots, some walnut husks and the best part is all the candied brown pellets.  I thought they were raisins but they seem a little fibrous.  Oh well it's Amish it has to be good right?
So I leave the store with my Thursday 6 pack tucked neatly into the passenger seat.  We engage in a little small talk not much though.  It's uncomfortable talking to your consumables.  Like a cannibal talking to his captured dinner. "Hey can you believe the weather today?  Hot one huh?"  So I kept the chit chat down to a minimum.
I hit the two lane road that stretches from one town to the next about a 15 mile jaunt.  The beer sitting there all smug, teasing me, knowing full well I can't rip his little steel head off until we have reached the safe confines of the driveway.  I give him a nod.
Finally after the last two miles of 50,000 pot holes per sq yard, dirt road I reach the house.  I look at the beer and smile.  The beer is now silent.  No smug look anymore and I can almost hear the pleading, or that could be my mouth clucking with dryness and thirst.
Out of the car I pop, grab the beer, let the dogs out of the kennel, grab the ball and head for the front yard for a little guy time with my boys and my beer.
Pop a top, throw the ball and look over and see the freaky, crazy, neighbor standing there in his Davey Dukes, shirtless, with his arms crossed just watching me.  Unnerving to say the least so I nonchalantly throw the ball into the back yard, grab the beer and head that way.
One toss into my back yard retreat and nincompoop neighbor pops out in the back yard.  Same position, same shirtless menacing posture.  Hmmmmmmm.  So I grab a chair off the deck and I head to the North side of the house.  Not the front, not the back but the side.  Not just any side but the side he can't see.  There I settle in with my two best friends and the other 4 friends who are fast becoming...shall we say empty!
I wonder what he was thinking. 
"Now just where in the sam hell did that boy go to?  I wasn't done watching him.  Make sure he don't dare cross the property line less I call the police,  uh huh!"

Stay tuned more to come on the crazy neighbor and what I believe to be one of the greatest inventions ever!


  1. Can't wait to hear it. I recently wrote about my new neighbors The Aliens. What would life be like without wacky neighbors?

  2. I love crazy neighbor stories, as long as they're not my neighbors.

    Davey Dukes? ha - love that.

    The Simple Dude

  3. Crazy neighbors make the best stories. But I have to tell ya, mentioning that your beer talks to you to the wrong folks will earn you an intervention and/or pass to rehab ... just sayin.

  4. Crazy neighbors are a universal constant.

  5. I think you should take the crazy neighbor a beer and ask wtf? I love the Davey Dukes . . . you are seriously twisted.

  6. Davey Dukes: best phrase I've heard this week. The visual of your half-naked neighbor: the grossest. Thanks for that.

  7. i love me some beer...
    um mm beer...

    my one weakness...

    and i have the goat people living next to me...

    sorry i was so late to the party...


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