If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sunday Salutations and Miss Verizon

Good morning and welcome to Sunday Salutations.  Streaming live, once again, from Microsoft 2007 word processing program.  Miss Verizon does not want to connect this morning, she does not want to be friends and she will not pass go and collect the $200 I so willingly offer in trade for her services.  Call it wireless prostitution, illegal trade, bribery or just plain wrong I don’t care just as long as she comes to her senses at least once today and allows me to post on the day of the actual writing.

Of course she will probably link up as I am mowing the lawn and once finished she will detect the absence of noise and shut down again.  Quite possibly she may fire up when I leave for a barrage of graduation open houses or just briefly as I’m making breakfast.  Unfortunately there is no cable available at the new house and I will be forced to deal with wireless internet services there as well so I may as well get used to it.  Hell for all I know there may be something unplugged. (It’s wireless dumbass)

I’m not a computer wizard by any means but my dear Rachel is so I trust it won’t be long before she forces lil’ miss bitchy Verizon to succumb to her will.  She also took my old computer to work with her (she teaches computer something or other) and fixed it up for me.  She looks at me all serious yesterday and says,” you only have 328 hookie mookies in your gravitational cylconemeter Jeffrey, it’s no wonder your computer is slow.  Don’t worry I have some extra hootenannies that will fix up your gubernitchl just fine.”  See it pays to have smart friends. 

Someday I may be able to repay her with a well honed skill of mine.  She might need a hole dug or I could hold down a piece of paper if it’s windy or perhaps point at something on the wall.  I have a multitude of these skills just waiting in the wings to be released.

I told her yesterday she might only have us here for another 10 days or so because the house should close real soon and she said,” Damn it!  I was hoping your house would never close I like having you here.”  I’m sorry dear Rachel we must move on down the road literally it’s just down the road.  The same road too.  A ten minute car ride is all it is.  You can come over to my house and I’ll feed ya there!

We came home yesterday from lunch with the in-laws and the crazy neighbor’s wife was out in the garage in a mini skirt cutting someone’s hair.  She had legs all the way up to her chin and I thought I should just get a lawn chair and sit on the property line and watch her.  I’m thinking he would probably come out and try to get her to put some leggings on or something.  I could take a few pictures, maybe a stray whistle or two.  Of course all this would have to be forced interest because the legs look nice from the road but I’ve seen her closer and she’s about as pretty as a toad’s ass in a moldy straw pile.  However the outcome of these initiated events is unforeseeable and I like my chest without a load of buck shot in it as well as my tires full of air and my dogs alive and not running amuck in the neighborhood.  So I’ll just play nice for awhile longer.  I shouldn’t leave Rachel and Lant a bigger mess than they already have.

I don’t have much else to talk about that you would want to hear so I’ll beg off for now.

Have a great Sunday and I’ll see you soon!

1 comment:

  1. Hope you do close that quickly on the new house. Moving is the pits. But just think that when you come visit your friend and the neighborlady is out there in a mini skirt, you can maybe ask for a haircut to seem neighborly and all that! haha. You are funny!


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