If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Twas the Day Before Bushman's Christmas

Just for fun I thought I would come up with my own little poem to get us all in the Christmas Spirit.
(all names are purely fictional and the events mentioned forthwith did not actually occur)

Twas the day before Christmas and if you looked in the house
There perched Bushman with a beer
Starting to get soused.

The stockings were moved from the chimney to the stairs
Cuz the damn things caught on fire
Whose idea was it to put them there?

The dogs were all nestled and snug in my bed
I had barely enough room
And only a sheet covering my leg

With me in my tighty whities
 and momma in her jammies
we had just settled in and I was tickling her Moons over Mi-hammys

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
The dogs crushed my nuts jumping from the bed to see
what was the matter

I fell out of bed
And rushed to the glass
My nuts all bruised and halfway to my ass

When out on the lawn
I saw a strange sight
A VW bug with a bunch of illegals tied tight.

Inside of the bug
A man dressed in white
Hollering at the men and whipping them right

Hey Lupe, Manuel, Roberto, Chico, Ricardo, Jorge, Julio and Juan
Get you asses in there
We only have till dawn

The ropes untied
They clambered up the eaves
I was beginning to think they were a pack of thieves

My Christmas spirit
not to be burned
I walked away and around the corner I turned.

Into the kitchen by way of the den
Eating from the fridge
Were four of the men

From the living room came a big ruckus
I saw my TV headed out the front door
With two of the men laughing that they were gonna &*%$ us

My eyes were open in shock
From the closet I pulled my 12 gauge
And I gave it a cock.

That got their attention
and the TV
They did drop

The sound was deafening
5 loud booms
That cleared out the little bastards from all of my rooms

Back to the lawn they scrambled away
A few less strong
I just have to say

With the police report filed
And sunrise just moments away
I thought what a great way to start out the day.

I sat down on the couch and began to cry
When I noticed a gift
That had escaped their eye

I scooped it from the floor just under the tree.
I shook it and probed it
Wondering what they contents may be

A slight tear on the corner gave it away
A case of beer
To my now rapidly departing dismay

I pulled at the tab
And heard the top go clunk
So I spent the rest of my Christmas getting drunk!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good........ Whatever Trips Your Trigger!



  1. That was the best take on Night Before Christmas I've come across!

    Merry Christmas, Bushman, to you and your. Enjoy the wonderful smell of that fresh tree of yours as I inhale plastic fumes.

    Cheers, Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

  2. In addition to serving as a graduate textbook in the bookstore, we've got additionally envisioned the book as some way to students to urge the background to browse current analysis within the space of approximation algorithms. above all,


Leave your comment here please.