If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Friday, February 3, 2012


Have you ever peed in your own backyard?  I mean really peed.  Not just a tinkle on a dare but a full fledged pee?  My wife tells me I'm gross.  Peeing on the septic field is gross.  Good thing I didn't tell her I pee in the garden too. I pee everywhere.  Something about being outside make me pee.  Today I peed while cutting wood.  Just so happens the wood lot borders the freeway.  So 27 cars saw my junk and my silly stream, so what.  One time at a Kid Rock concert I peed over the edge of the third (maybe 4th I was drunk) floor of a parking ramp.  I vaguely remember someone yelling that I had just dropped the golden shower on an Escalade.  Who knows.  The point is my generation was the gang that believed in if it feels good do it.  Now others may have taken to drugs or sex but I chose urination.  The big selling point of this house for me was the upper deck.  Man oh man I can not get grass to grow under this deck to save my life.  I did put a few of those urinal mints under the deck though.  I even have my dogs addicted to peeing.  When one pees the other runs over and pees on him while he is still peeing.
Am I drunk?  You wonder as you read this and I will confess I have had a beer or two.  As a matter of fact I have had 112 oz of beer.  Not that i'm keeping track but I have peed about 300 oz.  I never was any good at math.
The point of all this.................... absolutely nothing and it could be all made up just for fun....or could it.
There is a point where you just have to say Fu(# it!  I don't care anymore and what happens will happen.
So I just peed my pants.   No not really.  I have no idea where this post is going but I'm sure it is freaking someone out.  Well shoot I'm out of things to say.  That pisses me off (can you see a theme here or should i keep going?)
I think I just figured it out.  I'm PISSED off because i just had my taxes done and the quirky broad charged us $165.  Now I don't know if it was the going rate for ugly elvish taxometry or whether this was standard but last year I did my own taxes and it cost $68.  I thought buying a house would change things, make it more complicated but it didn't.  Elf whore had our shit done in 30 flat and that was even doing the damn deduction worksheet that we didn't need because our standard deduction was higher than our itemized.  Phooey!
That is why I'm pissed.  Now do you get it?  If the tax place wasn't right next to the local Cop subway hang out I would have peed on her.  She may have liked it.
Enough for now I have to pee.

1 comment:

  1. Dude, the best part about this is that you once peed on an Escalade. When I lived in Chicago, if I peed out back, I'd have been fighting bums for a space at the urinal, AKA the side of my building.


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