Bushman has something up his sleeve!

Holidays. 
They'll make you or break you. 
I've always loved Christmas.  Not real big on all the spending and money that is involved.  I love the lights, the smells and the sounds.

New Years is fun.  We don't usually do much but we have fun with a  few friends or sometimes just couch it the entire night.

I always loved Thanksgiving as well.....at least until last year.  Now it just serves as a reminder.
I searched my soul, the good one and the bad one (we all have a bad one, some just don't know where to look to find it). 
I have fought with these emotions for many a year now.  I chewed them up and swallowed them only to vomit them backup at the worst times.  It leads to a sickness that is dangerous, evil and consuming.

A man gets to wondering sometimes.  The old saying of "Three strikes and your out" can get pretty heavy when it sits on your mind, rotting, leaving a dark moldy spot. 
There is a cleaner available but the side effects are sometimes worse than the symptoms.  There are times when it just itches a little and then there are times, like now, when it festers and oozes a vile ichor like substance that permeates your whole being.  I can't do it anymore.

After Corwin, after Isabella, after the Thanksgiving baby who never even got a name.  How do you continue?

I often sit and think of where I'll be in 20 years.  What will I be like?  Who will be by my side?  What will I do?

And when I die?  What will be left of me to say I was here?  Where is my mark? 
As of now my tombstone will not read "Proud Father".  
What will it say?  "Here lies a man who could not connect his moustache to his beard" or  "Man who loved dogs" or "This dude can cook".

I'm not trying to bring anyone down here, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. There are far worse than I but we all have our demons and this is mine. 

I aim to do something about it.

The days drift by and yes I count them (I count everything).  I am already starting to fear the end.  I am at that point where one must decide.  Extra point or go for the two point conversion.
Should I just lay down and accept my fate or should I create my own destiny.

There are things in the works my friends.  This guy will never lay down.  I need healing, I need sharing and most of all I need............

Stay tuned,

-Bushman