If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Bushman has something up his sleeve!

They'll make you or break you. 
I've always loved Christmas.  Not real big on all the spending and money that is involved.  I love the lights, the smells and the sounds.

New Years is fun.  We don't usually do much but we have fun with a  few friends or sometimes just couch it the entire night.

I always loved Thanksgiving as well.....at least until last year.  Now it just serves as a reminder.
I searched my soul, the good one and the bad one (we all have a bad one, some just don't know where to look to find it). 
I have fought with these emotions for many a year now.  I chewed them up and swallowed them only to vomit them backup at the worst times.  It leads to a sickness that is dangerous, evil and consuming.

A man gets to wondering sometimes.  The old saying of "Three strikes and your out" can get pretty heavy when it sits on your mind, rotting, leaving a dark moldy spot. 
There is a cleaner available but the side effects are sometimes worse than the symptoms.  There are times when it just itches a little and then there are times, like now, when it festers and oozes a vile ichor like substance that permeates your whole being.  I can't do it anymore.

After Corwin, after Isabella, after the Thanksgiving baby who never even got a name.  How do you continue?

I often sit and think of where I'll be in 20 years.  What will I be like?  Who will be by my side?  What will I do?

And when I die?  What will be left of me to say I was here?  Where is my mark? 
As of now my tombstone will not read "Proud Father".  
What will it say?  "Here lies a man who could not connect his moustache to his beard" or  "Man who loved dogs" or "This dude can cook".

I'm not trying to bring anyone down here, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. There are far worse than I but we all have our demons and this is mine. 

I aim to do something about it.

The days drift by and yes I count them (I count everything).  I am already starting to fear the end.  I am at that point where one must decide.  Extra point or go for the two point conversion.
Should I just lay down and accept my fate or should I create my own destiny.

There are things in the works my friends.  This guy will never lay down.  I need healing, I need sharing and most of all I need............

Stay tuned,



1 comment:

Leave your comment here please.