They'll make you or break you.
I've always loved Christmas. Not real big on all the spending and money that is involved. I love the lights, the smells and the sounds.
New Years is fun. We don't usually do much but we have fun with a few friends or sometimes just couch it the entire night.
I always loved Thanksgiving as well.....at least until last year. Now it just serves as a reminder.
I searched my soul, the good one and the bad one (we all have a bad one, some just don't know where to look to find it).
I have fought with these emotions for many a year now. I chewed them up and swallowed them only to vomit them backup at the worst times. It leads to a sickness that is dangerous, evil and consuming.
A man gets to wondering sometimes. The old saying of "Three strikes and your out" can get pretty heavy when it sits on your mind, rotting, leaving a dark moldy spot.
There is a cleaner available but the side effects are sometimes worse than the symptoms. There are times when it just itches a little and then there are times, like now, when it festers and oozes a vile ichor like substance that permeates your whole being. I can't do it anymore.
After Corwin, after Isabella, after the Thanksgiving baby who never even got a name. How do you continue?
I often sit and think of where I'll be in 20 years. What will I be like? Who will be by my side? What will I do?
And when I die? What will be left of me to say I was here? Where is my mark?
As of now my tombstone will not read "Proud Father".
What will it say? "Here lies a man who could not connect his moustache to his beard" or "Man who loved dogs" or "This dude can cook".
I'm not trying to bring anyone down here, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. There are far worse than I but we all have our demons and this is mine.
I aim to do something about it.
The days drift by and yes I count them (I count everything). I am already starting to fear the end. I am at that point where one must decide. Extra point or go for the two point conversion.
Should I just lay down and accept my fate or should I create my own destiny.
There are things in the works my friends. This guy will never lay down. I need healing, I need sharing and most of all I need............