Surgery Day

Everything went well yesterday.  Angel did well and was quite calm through the whole thing.

We were both a little quiet though I must say.  The feelings that I was having were none too pleasant.

Her surgery was to have a circlage done.  I don't know if I spelled that right.  Basically they reinforce the cervix with a couple stitches so it will hold the weight of a baby growing inside the womb.  Yes I said Baby.

We are going to try to have a baby again.  3rd time is a charm right?

Our problems in the past with Corwin and Isabella was(we think) that her cervix was compromised due to a procedure she had done a few years ago.  It was not strong enough to hold together and when the weight of the baby reached a certain point it started to force open the cervix.  Once that happened the cervix and other things began to think it was time for labor and it all went downhill from there.  So........approximatley 1 month from now we will begin to try for baby number 3. 

She is going to kill me for this but oh well....

Here is Angel and my knee waiting in pre-op.  I was taking secret pictures and she know s nothing of them until she reads this. LOL

We were there at 7 am waiting and doing paperwork and all that jive.  The next pic is just before I kissed her 3 times and sent her in to surgery.

She went in at 8:50 and the Dr came out at 9:20 and told me she was done.

She woke up about an hour later and then we went home after another 30 minutes or so.

After I left her and headed to the waiting room, I signed in with the desk and made my way to the coffee pot and I never even finished the last three steps before my eyes began to well up with tears.

The memory of the same room except before it was empty and it was dark.  There was no desk lady.

It was me and a coffee pot that held only cold coffee.  I waited there while she had the same procedure done and I prayed while little Isabella was fighting for her life.  It was so lonley and I felt so helpless.

All those old feelings came rushing back and let me tell you they were in high definition and it was like that same night over again.  Thank God this time I was there for a good thing and I regained my composure before anyone could see me.

It was then I realized how much my wife actually loves me.  To go through all this again when she already has two children of her own.  She will do this for me and risk the same misfortune.

I still have very mixed emotions and it is going to be very hard to not worry but I can't go through the rest of my life knowing I could have had a child of my own if I had just given it one more chance.

I feel hope and I feel as though this is the right thing. 

I am happy with my desicion.

oh yeah my birthday flowers