If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Friday, March 25, 2011

FREE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello....Hello....can you hear me?   Is anyone still there?   I found a set of old batteries that may give me enough juice for one more post.  It seems like blogger block has inflicted more than just me.
My last post was over a week ago.  So here is what has occurred while I was away from computer land.

1.  Mainly just working my ass off and fighting with the supervisors, engineers and fellow associates.
     (don't worry that is a typical day where I work)
2.  Our beautiful spring weather took flight and headed back south.
      (can you blame it? It so bad up here the weather can't afford to stay )
3.  Discovered that my new favorite beer is a limited time only deal
     (need to find money and storage to stock up)
4.  Created blueberry and cream cheese crepe' addicts out of my family
     ( I was bored and tried a new desert, now I get hounded to make it)
5.  Appraisal completed on new house...in other words it's worth it!
     ( everything is good just need to scrape and paint a few spots on the exterior door trim)
6.  Well and septic inspection performed on Monday.
     ( The only way it could have failed worse would have been to have a shit volcano erupting from the

I suppose that is about the extent of this miserable week.  It's amazing how just a couple days of warm weather can make a spirit soar.  It's also amazing that the maximum rate of decent does not apply to spirits that have soared.  They can hit rock bottom in a nanosecond. 
As far as the septic goes I took off a couple hours of work to be there with the inspector.  He made his rounds through the house (he turned on all the faucets and let them run as soon as he got there) commenting on this and that and in general everything was going quite well.  Then we went outside.  Within minutes and a few pokes of his "magic" stick he had found the septic tank and the connecting drain field.  We discovered that it was an entire bed of gravel and not just your standard trench system septic field.  The field stretched about 50x60 ft.  Pretty good size.  I was impressed.  This guy knew everything about septic systems.  He explained the what and whys of the poo disposal business and I was impressed.
Then we moved to the center of the drain field about 30-35 minutes into his visit.  Water running the whole time.  He whips out his little core sample doohickey and proceeds to drill into the lawn.  First 6 inches---nice topsoil.  2nd 6 inches---a little wet.  The third time he sticks his coring machine into the soil he moves it up and down and I can hear the slosh slosh noise it's making and my heart sinks.  He looks at me and says
Uh Oh!  Pulls the corer out and the hole begins to fill with water.  Uh Oh sphagettios up my ass stick a garden hose you miserable little cocksucker face!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK ME RUNNING!!!!!!!!!
I was days from closing people.  Days, not weeks.  Now I have to wait for the selling bank to tell me they will fix the system.  Fix means an entire new raised bed septic system for the tune of about 15-25thousand dollars.  Not only that but they have to escrow 1.5x the amount of the accepted bid so I can close.  They can't put the system in until around June.  If they escrow the account I can close and limp the current system until then.  The kicker is they can't sell the house without a pass on the well and septic.  (law)  Problem is they might want me to pay for part of it.  Not gonna happen.  I believe I have offered top dollar for this home and to put that kind of money into it plus the costs of the remodeling I want to do would put the house out of sellable range which means I have spent more on the house then I will ever get out of it.  Not that I want to sell it but I don't want to put 150K into a house that would only sell for 130K.  So now we wait!
I am not good at waiting.  I am not good at patience.  I am not good at sitting around and waiting for this freaking winter to subside. 
Don't get me wrong I'm not crying in my beer.....no fuck that I am crying in my beer.  Only because it's a limited time only beer.  Truthfully I am frustrated as Chelsea Clinton in a beauty contest.  It's been a long hard road to buy a house.  I understand shit happens and in the end everything will work out but as I mentioned above I'm getting pretty sick and tired of being patient and smiling while I get slapped in the face with a big 'ol dirty dick! 
This is why beer was invented.  Just 4 or 5 Leinenkugel 1888 Bocks and I start to think that everything will be fine again.  Yeah I know what that leads to.  Duhhh I'm married.  I don't need the little guys on my shoulder I have a wife that assumes that role!
So anyways don't expect a whole lot from me for awhile.  Just not feeling it right now.  I'll be back, who knows in what frame of mind but I'll be back.

In the meantime I have set up shop and will be handing out some free therapy to anyone who might need a hug. 

1 comment:

  1. blogger ate my comment....

    better now with the septic than after you are locked into a mortgage...thats my spin...

    but i know nothing..ask my kids and wife...

    so how's 'bouts you toss me a beer?


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