If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Why do we always have to match...stupid colors!

She looked at me as though I were made of playdough and cashed welfare checks
I was dressed as I thought most middle aged men are, when they leave the house in a panic to get more gas for the lawn mower and finish before the wife starts hollering, "Were Late". 
I wasn't attending a fund raiser or a gala but the way those eyes looked me up and down was quite unnerving and if you know me , not much will UN my nerves.  The fact that she was radiant in her sundress and flat sandals with the little yellow flower on them might have lured me into the belief that she was a nice person.  I think I was mistaken. 
My cheaply made camoflauge crocs bore the brunt of my green, grass stained toes and the tan line stopped short at the ankle rendering it impossibly true that I was of the middles class demographic at best.  Her eyes moved to my shorts.  Khakis with little holes in the thigh area from too many washings.  Her indignant smug grimace made it clear that this was attire donned only by the unaware. 
Next was the t-shirt, a gift from friend, a little tight but nevertheless the words Puerto Rico still glowed a magnificent yellow and held promises of wonderful island adventures.  To her not in the least.  A snort of air from her delicate nostrils confirmed this. 
I wasn't sure what to do as her eyes moved from my benevolent Puerto Rico chest coverings up to my eyes.  It was there where she lost her nerve.  The green and brown all mixed together and swimming in a sea of wonder is what did her in.  A glint buried deep in the recess' locked her gaze to mine and once she was locked in my gaze I asked her a simple question," Honey do you need anything from the store?"

Ahh shit I couldn't help it.  My old lady is always ragging on me about my style so I put it to good use!!

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