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Friday, October 29, 2010

Damn Dogs Anyways

OK bear with me here.  I am about to give you a brief synopsis of my morning so far.  We'll call it Bushman's AM cliff notes. 
Laying in bed (or is it lying) this morning when Big Brown Dog jumps up and nestles between Momma and Me. (this is a normal morning occurrence)  Yellow dog is already stationed comfortably ( to him anyways) at the foot of the bed with his head and front legs draped across my right leg as I am on my back.  His rear legs?  More than likely somewhere on Momma's side digging into her calves and slowly pushing her lower half from the bed. From the beginning now.
 I awake from my sleep mostly because Gunner AKA Big Brown Dog must under any condition ask permission before jumping into bed.  This sounds something like a cross between a guinea pig and Forest Gump teasing the principal after his Momma "cared" about his education.  Upon hearing this I give permission several times in the following manner.  " C'mon Gunner".     "Gunner Up!!"   (all the while he makes his "sound")  " Gunner get your @$$ up here now"  Thump Thump Gunner arrives in bed.  For some reason he has to step on Remmi while crawling his way to the top of the bed which causes Remmi to stretch and stir which either hurts or pushes someone off the bed.  Gunner arrives at top of bed sniffs my face then proceeds to lay sideways between Momma and Me and with a big huff (as if this is my idea not his) thumps his head down on my chest while fluttering his cheeks.  I can hear Momma on the other side groan her discontent. 
It's morning again I think.  My dog's wake me like this everyday precisely 5 minutes before the rooster crows his wake up call (alarm clock sounds like a rooster) 
If I move at all then Remmi jumps off the bed comes around the side and licks me, usually in the face.  I tell him "no' and he sits there and stares at me.  I can't see him but I can feel his stare.  After a minute he jumps back in bed usually landing on my shins.  It's better than coffee for waking up let me tell you.  Good old fashion pain.  The trick is to lay real still because once you move it's game over.    Someone usually moves and the procedure starts over again this time with Gunner making his sound while Remmi does laps on the bed jumping on and off. 
I swear they will probably starve to death if I don't get up.   So I give in (I need to rub my shin bones and Gunner has moved his head from my chest to my bladder, he's smart like that)
You'd think they needed to go potty real bad.  The first thing they do is go outside when we get downstairs.  Sometimes I watch them run down the deck do a circle and come right back up.  Going through the motions to fool me into thinking they went potty.  Not gonna work.  Then I feed them and they go back outside.
This morning however when I hit the kitchen light and looked at the clock it said 4 not 5. (neither dog will look me in the eye now, they know)  Oh well who needs sleep anyways I think to myself.  Guy in my head is just now waking up (fortunately for him he has no bladder) he mumbles something I can't understand and I actually think he went back to sleep. 
Now the whole point of this post is to say I don't have a problem getting up early.  I like it but 4 am is a wee bit too early.  Makes for a real long morning when it's cold outside.
My problem is this.  I've been sitting here at the computer making my rounds and I look up and see this!!!!
Damn Dogs Anyways!!!


  1. Great picture of them and we go through a similar process here. I've yet to understand why they always want to be crossways in the bed taking up the maximum amout of space.

  2. LMAO - is that a hand drawn merkin?

    I can relate to this entire story. We deal with the morning animal show, too. (two little terriers and a cat) We have to laugh about it, but some days I get sort of cranky about those morning spoiling a**holes.

  3. Hahaha. They're mocking you. :-)


  4. LOL - What a great story. We have dogs in the bed, with dogs in the bed stories, but mine are only 6 pounds each.


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