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Saturday, December 10, 2011

Christmas Tree Day.......Yowza!

It's Saturday morning.  6:06 am.  I have approximately one half of an hour to complete this post and get my ass in the kitchen and start breakfast.  I used up a lot of morning time reading blogs and dropping a comment here and there so I need to hurry.
Today is our annual expedition to "harvest" a Christmas tree.  Is harvest the correct word?  I mean you harvest corn and wheat and you harvest your garden but those are things you eat.  Can you eat a Christmas tree?  I suppose if you hang enough candy canes on it you could.  Smells like gin though.
So are we going to "take" a Christmas tree?  Once again that verb is used for things like squirrels, turkey and deer.  Which brings the whole consumption thing back into play.  So would you use the pine needles like you would a sprig of rosemary?
How about "find"?  We are going out to "find" a Christmas tree.  Although on more than one occasion the children of the house have peeked into the cupboards and the fridge and I hear"I can't "find" anything to eat''
Here we go again.  Perhaps I'm just hungry this morning.  What about the stump?  You could slice it and serve it with gravy on top and a side of mashed ornaments.  I suppose that is reminiscent of school lunches in Jr. high school.
Now we come to the decision that there are numerous words used to "whatever" a Christmas tree.
Harvest, find, take,gather,steal,chop,cut,chainsaw,dynamite,bobcat,excavator,chained to the back of the truck,pulled from the top of some guys station wagon,purchased,traded,barter, oh the list goes on and on so I will quit.  So you ask what are we actually going to do today?
We are going to GET a Christmas tree today.  No sense in complicating matters. (although the dynamite seems intriguing)
Leaving the house at 7:45am.  Not a nice warm departure at say...10am because some kids (I won't say who) have other engagements during the normal Christmas Tree hours.  I don't mind early but I do mind 10 degrees. 
Being the good sport that I am takes patience I will be up early, have breakfast ready,(bacon eggs and toast) and the truck will be warming up.  They on the other hand will probably be still hitting the snooze button as I wait in the truck and we will be forced to speed to the tree lot (speeding ticket and cocky patrolman inserted here) grab(another word for the list) the closest tree to the parking lot (nasty gnarled up half needled, mostly dead juniper bush) and high tail it back home (damn that cop still in the same spot, should've known) and back home to eat the last piece of bacon still on the grease stained paper plate before it has even fully cooled.  Christmas tree $45, speeding ticket #1 $145, speeding ticket #2 $365, gasoline for the "race" truck $45   Spending the morning with your family in the freezing cold getting a Christmas Tree...priceless.
That is why they make beer folks!
 Now to decorate......


  1. I did "real" last year, along the lines of what you’ve got planned, but the last bit wasn't that priceless, more like thankless!

    This year…I just opened a box and out popped a 6'2" tree. (tall and handsome)

    I hear there’s a room fragrance called “Smells like a Christmas Tree” - now that’s priceless!

    Have fun...I’ll look forward to seeing a picture of your tree conquest, or at least the bacon!

    Cheers, Jenny

  2. You can get your ass into the kitchen AND make breakfast?? Man, I can't get my donkey to do anything.
    Frikkin' ass.


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